smile. || joshler ||

Ch. 19

"Are you sure you don't wanna stay the night again?" Josh asked worried, clinging to Tyler's arm.

The brown haired boy smiled slightly, and nodded, "I'm fine, I'm use to it. And he doesn't hit me a lot, I promise. It's only when I'm bad or do something to upset him, like how I got detention, which I really should be going to. I don't want him mad again."

"Okay, I just don't want you getting hurt again," Josh said quietly, lightly touching Tyler's bruised eye. He looked around a bit, and saw people were gone and at the buses, then pressed a soft kiss to Tyler's lips.

They kissed for a few seconds, still getting to know each others lips, and Tyler finally pulled back, chuckling weakly, "I gotta go, but...um, c-could you text me tonight?"

Josh nodded, and pecked his cheek, "Alright, bye! Have fun in detention."

Tyler shook his head in amusement and went to the classroom where detention was held. He's been there a few times, always for ignoring the teacher or not participating in class, so he wasn't nervous or anything.

For once in his life, Tyler was scared of his dad and scared to go home. He didn't want to tell Josh, because he didn't want to seem weaker than he already is. So, he just went to detention and ignored the teacher that asked where his book bag was.

-

As he walked home, he thought about Josh. He really likes Josh, and he may even be falling for him. It scared Tyler, because what would he do if Josh left him or got annoyed? He would probably die if he didn't have Josh.

He'd miss his kiss, his hug, his smile; pretty much everything about Josh.

When Tyler got home, he was nervous as he walked inside, knowing his dad was home since the car was in the driveway. He tried to shut the door quietly, but failed as his dad walked in the living room, glaring at his son, "How was detention?"

"Boring," He said quietly, not looking into his fathers eyes.

His dad frowned, reaching lightly to touch the bruise on his son's eye, who flinched. "Seem's like you got it covered, where'd you go last night?" Tyler stayed quiet, and his dad raised his voice to a dangerous level, harshly gripping his chin to look him in the eyes, "I said-where'd you go last night?!"

"T-To my b-friends," Tyler replied, almost letting the word 'boyfriend' slip. Since he's still in the closet, he didn't wanna risk letting his dad know he's gay.

-

Tyler walked to his bathroom, he had his own in his room since his dad gave him the master bedroom. He opened the cabinet and grabbed the razor, shutting it once in his possession. He lightly ran his fingers over the metal, seeing his reflection.

He wanted to do it, to cut and feel his emotions go away when looking at the blood. But, when he looked in the mirror, images of his boyfriend's disappointed face flashed through his mind.

And he couldn't do it, he couldn't cut himself, because that meant he'd have to see Josh sad and frowning, which isn't something he wanted to see. He liked how Josh would smile and laugh, so he put the razor back, not wanting to throw it away.

-

Tyler woke up to the sound of his alarm clock going off, he was on the phone with Josh all night doing homework together. Josh convinced him to do it, so he did.

He walked downstairs, his dad stomped over, grabbing his arm and dragging him towards the sink, shouting, "What the hell is this? You were suppose to do the dishes last night, but instead I heard you talking on the phone!"

"I was doing homework," Tyler replied stepping back when he received a glare.

His father smacked him across the face, and grabbed a bowl, slamming it on the table, "Eat, then do the dishes. You're walking to school today, and I won't call in when you're late."

He deserved it, he should have done the dishes. Tyler looked at the bowl and usually, he wouldn't eat, he'd put it away and tell his dad he did eat cereal and that he just cleaned the bowl.

But, today was different. He waned to be good for Josh, to make himself the perfect boyfriend that doesn't cut and starve himself. He grabbed some cereal and some milk, poured them and got a spoon.

Tyler sat down, lifting a spoon of cereal and grimaced at the look of it. He slowly placed it in his mouth, chewing with a disgusted look and swallowed. After a few spoonfuls, the taste of the sugar and carbs made his stomach churn and he ran to the bathroom, throwing it up.

Once he washed his face and brushed his teeth, he looked in the mirror and all he can think of was how fat he looked, which was what his dad called him two years ago and he still believed it.

-

It was a long walk to school, and of course, it was raining. He tried to catch the bus, but the dishes were overfilled and he was 10 minutes late to school, soaked from head to toe, and the front desk lady must of pitied him since she gave him a pass without explanation.

When Tyler went to class the teacher rolled her eyes and let him in. Tyler didn't have time to put his contacts in and was wearing his glasses, so when Josh looked at him, his eyes widened and Tyler assumed that was the reason, which made him self conscious cause he's already ugly and doesn't want to be reminded.

However, Josh wasn't shocked by the glasses, he reached over and lightly touched his cheek, asking, "Oh gosh, did he hit you again?"

Tyler groaned, realizing the rain wiled away some of the makeup, so his extra bruised eye was showing. He rested his head in his hands and nodded slowly, today was just going to be horrible, he could already tell.

Before Josh could argue, the teacher came by to collect homework. She pursed he lips, asking, "Homework Mr. Dun?"

He got it out and she went to walk away, but Tyler said quietly, "I did mine."

She froze and eyes widened. She walked back and took the paper he handed her, eyeing it suspiciously and suddenly looked at Josh's, "Copying Mr. Dun's work I see. I never knew you could stoop this low."

Tyler's head snapped up and the class was watching as he said, "I didn't copy, we did it together."

"I highly doubt you two are friends, this is the most I heard you speak all year," She retorted, rolling her eyes.

Josh glared at her, "He didn't copy me, we did it together over the phone last night."

"Sorry boys, but I can't allow this. I'll call your father during lunch and inform him that his son is copying work," She said sternly.

The brown hair boy looked at Josh and spoke frantically, "I-I can't have her calling him. Not doing my work is one thing, but if he thinks I cheated..I'm-he's"

"Tyler, breath," Josh soothed, keeping his voice low so they didn't get in trouble. He hated seeing Tyler like this, so nervous and scared, it broke his heart. He grabbed his hand and rubbed the back of it with his thumb, "Just come over my house today, you can avoid him as long as you can, and then he might forget, alright?"

Tyler looked at Josh and nodded slowly, "O-Okay, thank you," He then admitted with a sheepish smile, "I'm really glad you're my boyfriend."

Josh chuckled, smiling back, "I'm glad you're mine too."

-

At the end of the dayJosh went to the lockers and was kind of confused when Tyler wasn't there. He shrugged it off, assuming maybe Tyler already left and was at the buses.

However, on the bus, he saw the empty seat and he suddenly knew what this meant; Tyler's dad picked him up. He groaned and sat down in his seat, leaning his head on the window and when passing Tyler's house, he was hoping everything was alright.

But sometimes hoping isn't enough.