smile. || joshler ||

Ch. 26

When Josh saw Tyler at school the next day, he had this terrible guilt building up inside him. Tyler looked so dead. He was moving slowly, eyes so dark and gone, and hair not even brushed.

In class, the teacher didn't yell at Tyler like she normally would, she saw how he looked and decided against it. As Josh tried speaking to the depressed boy, all he got was yelled at by the teacher, and forced to do his work. It didn't really matter, because Tyler wouldn't talk to him in the middle of class.

So, afterwards, when Tyler tried to walk away quickly, he was just tugged into the closet just like when they first became friends. The place where Josh first checked his cuts and the memory had him worried. He noticed Tyler struggling to get out, but he grabbed the knob before Tyler could, and pleaded, "You need to listen to me Ty, I promise I don't like Mariah at all, and I just - I love-I like you so much, you don't even understand how much I do."

"Let me go." Tyler begged, and much to his dismay, his emotions were showing. The desperation and pain he was feeling.

Josh shook his head, hearing the bell ring, meaning the halls were probably clear now. "I heard what happened yesterday, you need me Tyler. And....you're cutting again, I hate that. You shouldn't hurt yourself, I need you to stop."

"Well, you hurt me!" Tyler shouted, causing Josh to flinch at his voice. He stared at Tyler with wide eyes, watching as the anger appeared on the brown haired boys face. "Y-You said you wouldn't hurt me, and you did! How am I suppose to stop cutting when I need to distract myself? I-I thought you actually liked me, but you don't."

"I do like you." Josh told him, grabbing his arm when he tried leaving.

Tyler scoffed, shaking his head in denial, "You have a funny way of showing it. If you liked me, you wouldn't have kissed Mariah."

"I didn't kiss her Tyler, I would never cheat. I'm not that kind of person." Josh assured, trying desperately to get Tyler to believe him.

The broken boy sighed, looking up at Josh with dull eyes, "I know you're not. But if you really liked me, you would have pushed her off right away. That obviously means you don't, I can't handle this anymore. It hurts too much, I'm done Josh."

A tear fell as Josh watched Tyler leave, heading off to class, even though he was late. He stood there for a moment, letting the words soak in. I'm done. The way he said it, it was like he meant it differently. Not just with Josh, but with everything.

The way he looked scared Josh, how his voice was so empty and eyes so dull, face clear of all emotions. It reminded him of how Tyler talked and looked before he changed him, but it seemed different this tine.

And that scared Josh, because it seemed worse.

-

In gym class, Josh found out Tyler left school early and that worried him.

He remembered the look Tyler gave him in the hall. The way he stared at him with love, hurt, and closure, almost like a little goodbye that Josh didn't want.

He grabbed his bag, not waiting for the bell to ring and he rushed past everyone. Tyler said he was done, he told Josh this. Almost like warning, saying today was his last day. Josh ignored the teachers telling him not to leave, he just had to make it in time.

Tears were already falling when he was outside. His heart was pounding in his chest, hands clenched to hols in his emotions, much like Tyler would. Thankfully Tyler lived nearby, because Josh was out if breath.

His mind was reeling back memories, from the first time he saw Tyler and was instantly drawn to him, how Tyler spoke to him and smiled at him even though he didn't for anyone else.

But his favorite was when Tyler was drunk, so happy and carefree. He felt like that was the real Tyler, the one he saw when they were alone, watching movies and cuddled up, sharing kisses under the fort they made. He remembered their first kiss, then when he admitted his feelings.

And now, he may never get to share their first I love you, their first time making love, and Josh may not get to see Tyler smile ever again, dimples and teeth showing like always.

By the time he was at the Joseph's house, he didn't see a car in the driveway, which normally would make him happy, but that meant Tyler was alone. He rushed to the door, sighing in relief when it was unlocked.

An eerie silence was suffocating the place. There were bottles of beer scattered around the place and he ignored them. Josh ran upstairs, checking each room in the unfamiliar house. But, the door at the end of the hall was shut, and he knew it was Tyler's since the rest weren't.

It felt like hours passed by the time he reached the door, Josh shakily placed his hand on the knob, opening the door, a sob escaping his lips.