Kian Lawley Imagines & more

Kian Lawley > Maybe I'm not so bad

I couldn't stop my thumb from refreshing the Instagram post I just uploaded, watching the spiteful and disgusting hate comments flood in. Not one nice comment; and if there was, I couldn't see from all the negative words that have spewed all over my screen. Sighing I continued to read the comments. I couldn't help myself.

Kian's fans have never liked me. When we first went public around half a year ago they would always compare me to Andrea Russett and their relationship and how she was so much better than me but I didn't really mind back then. Naïve me thought it would die out after a few months; 'they're just not used to me yet'

But here I am, watching it as it explodes horribly wrong. It's come to the point where everything I do I get hate for. Heck, If I breathe they'd accuse me of poisoning the air and causing global warming!

My Instagram is like hate central with every picture having its own fair share of hate -even the pictures I took before I got with Kian- since it was the only social media account I had. His fans have even gone to the extreme of making fake twitter accounts where they tweet controversial and offensive things I would never say; photo-shopping fake pictures, starting up serious rumors that could potentially ruin my career and in an extreme case get me arrested! They'd find any excuse to hate on me and I don't know why. Is it because I'm not Andrea? Because I'm not a youtuber? That I came from a completely different life style? Or is there something wrong with me? I mean there's got to be if most of the world hates me.

I buried my chin in the blanket as I went through all the hate. A light headed and uncomfortable feeling drowning me. "Y/N, you need to stop doing this to yourself" I jumped a little as Kian snatched my phone from my hand and went through the comments, a dangerous angry look on his face.
"Then tell your fans to stop doing this to me" Kian's facial expression softened as he heard my voice, which was pretty rare now. I sounded dead and raspy, I had no emotion in my face or my voice. There was no point.

"Y/N, I hate seeing you like this" he sat down next to me and rubbed small circles over my back, I sighed and got up, shaking him off and made my way downstairs. Him trailing behind me. 
"Y/N, I've done everything I can-"
"I know" I said without looking back at him as I picked up my jacket and made my way to the door.

Don't get me wrong, I know Kian loves me, I'm aware of everything he's tried to do to protect me and I know how this affects him as well; but there's always that voice in the back of my head hissing that his fans are right and Kian can do so much better.
As much as I'm fed up and bored of these unnecessary comments I can never shake the thought that they're right. I mean, Kian has fans all over the world and if every one of them hates me then I'm basically a disgusting excuse for a human. Right?

"Where are you going?" he said softly from behind me, trying to savor the rare sound of my voice since I've been preserving it for the past month.

"I don't know" I looked down at my shoes briefly before sucking it up and opening the door, walking out of Kian and Jc's shared apartment and into the long hallway.

"When are you coming back?"

"I don't know" I walked on but Kian clasped onto my elbow, making me stumble backwards slightly.

"I love you Y/N. Don't forget that" he kissed the side of my head but I didn't feel anything, it didn't have the same spark against my skin anymore. It was just a bleak kiss from the boy that's to good for me.
"I know" I released myself form his now limp hold and made my way to the elevator. Pulling my jacket around me and scrunching my hands into the pockets.

.   .   .

I've been walking for at least an hour and I still have no idea where I'm going but it didn't really phase me though; I was too busy trying to tame my poisonous thoughts that corroded my mind. Trying to win the blood bath of a battle in my head but eventually I let the hate overpower me, like its been doing ever since I got with the oh-so famous Kian Lawley.