1 | Star Wars Rebels: Beginning Of The End (completed)

Part 35

Rebel base, aboard the Ghost, Atollon, 1710, 3279 LY

     Four of the members of the Ghost crew sat, jaws agape, before Zeb pressed a button for the next entry. A video.

Ezra sat in front of the holoprojector of the 'pad, eyes glistening with unshed tears. ''If you're watching this, I'm probably already gone. If you're wondering, this is indeed my-no, I can't say it. It's too terrible. I can't believe I'm even doing this. I should stop right now, but...I just can't. I have to do this.

''If this is the Ghost crew, my friends, listen: I am so thankful for what you've done for me. Kanan, Hera, Sabine, Zeb-even you, Chopper. I'm so glad you took me in. I would have never become the person I was before Malachor without you. Zeb, thanks for being a stinky, annoying older brother to me. Sabine, I've always loved you...even if you don't love me back. Chopper, keep being the annoying rustbucket you are. To remember me by.''

A tear spilled over his lower eyelid, glistening in the artificial light of the holoprojector as it rolled down his cheek. ''Hera, thanks for being the mother that I haven't had for eight years. Kanan, if you're listening, I am so sorry. For everything. I tried to be strong, but I failed you. I failed myself. I can't-no, couldn't-keep going on. Every time I looked at you, my lightsaber, or the Sith holocron...I was reminded of everything that had happened.

''I wanted to tell you. But would you understand? Would you understand the guilt, the pain? Knowing you could have done something, yet watched idly by as your friend died? Thinking that there was no way out, that you should've gone? I didn't think you'd understand. After all, you're a Jedi. My mentor, my teacher, my role model, my...father.''

A shuddering breath. ''Would any of you have understood? I don't know, but it's too late. I can't go back now. Specter 6 out.''

     Sabine and Hera had tears blossoming in their eyes, and Zeb was already crying. Sabine whispered, ''This was his suicide note.''

     Hera nodded, murmuring something incomprehensibly. Then she pressed the next button.

Hey. Looks like I won't be signing out yet. Surprise, surprise. Kanan saved me, barely. He has a bad habit of that, but I guess it works out. It probably wouldn't have been the best idea to leave this galaxy in that manner. Perhaps the Force can heal me. Perhaps it can forgive me. I can't forgive myself, and I'm so scared to go up to Kanan. To see what I've done.

Does he blame me? Does he even realize that I've changed? I'm becoming someone else. No, something else. I...I can't bear to see myself, not like this. I'm becoming a monster. I'm becoming my demons. Who can save me?

     Next. 

I feel terrible. I'm still going to do what I have to. It can't be that bad, right? Ugh, I have this pounding headache and my stomach's starting to mess with me. I feel dizzy, and so tired. What am I supposed to do?

I can't show the crew. If I were to do that, I would admit weakness. I can't do that to them. I'm not an asset. I'm not worth anything. I can't even do missions anymore. I just came out of the medbay. I can't go back. 

I want to sleep so bad, but I shouldn't, for the

     It abruptly ended. Hera looked at the time and realized it was right before he was found unconscious. When he got the Viper. Next.

Turns out, I got something called the Viper. Kanan says it's a disease that targets Force-sensitives. Well, it almost killed me, and it almost killed him. Great day, right? I don't have much more to say. I should probably learn some new techniques. Bridger out.