Young Like Us

Arms Spaghetti

R.I.P- America
1776-2016

"Wait...that's what happens during childbirth?!"
"Of course, Honey. What did you think happened?"
Berwald was ready to faint. He didn't realize babies came from...that.
And the baby wasn't even cute. Why do all that for an abomination?
"I'm nervous." Berwald admitted.
"Don't be. You'll have me there by your side." Tino took Berwald's hand.
"Daaaaaaaaddd!" Peter crawled up on Tino's lap. "I'm hungry!!!!!"
"Hi, hungry. I'm dad." Berwald muttered.
Peter winced as if in pain.
"Come on, Peter, let's make some dinner." Tino lifted the child up and carried him off to the kitchen.
Berwald continued to read the pamphlet, getting more and more worried by the minute.
Why couldn't storks just bring the baby to him?
"Daddy?" Peter hopped up on the couch, peanut butter sandwich in his hands. He took a bite, blinking innocently.
"Yes?"
"Mrrmph mmmf mpineapplesph mfff?" He said through a mouthful of food. Fucking nasty child.
"Don't talk with your mouth full."
Peter nodded and swallowed harder than Tino did to Berwald's cummies. (Kill me)
"Where do babies come from?"
"I don't really know...it just happens..."
"But how?"
"Go ask your mother."
"I don't have a mother!"
"Sure you do. Tino is your mother."
"I am not!"
"Don't be insulted! It's a complement!"
"I'm a man."
"Women are way tougher than men. Men cry when you say the word 'tampon'."
Tino sighed. "Fair enough."
"What's 'tampon' mean?"
"Oh dear..." Tino sighed.
"What is it?" Peter asked again.
"It's French for buffer according to google translate but I'm pretty sure it means something else cuz Google translate is crap." Berwald answered.
"Ooooh..." Peter blinked. He still didn't get it, but at least he wasn't asking anything else.
At least Berwald thought...
"Hey, mum, where do babies come from?"
"Bad decisions."
Peter gasped. "So if I chose a red bike instead of a blue one then I'd get pregnant?!"
"Yes. Do you want a bike?"
"Do I ever!!!" Peter's eyes lit up. "Can you teach me how to ride it?!"
"Your dad can."
Peter looked expectantly at Berwald.
He had never learned to ride a bike!!!????!?!?! It wasn't like he had a dad around to teach him. #daddyissues
"Sure."
Bike riding couldn't be that hard...could it?
It was probably just like making a table.
Yeah....
No biggie...
"Why don't we go pick out your bike this afternoon?"
"Yaaaaaaaaaaas!" Peter cheered. "I'm gonna go play with my transformers!"
"Have fun sweetie!" Tino patted the smol bby on the head and then sat down next to his fiancé.
"You know I can't ride a bike, right?" Berwald whispered to his wife.
"We'll figure it out, Ber."

Teddy-Ber is still my all time favourite nickname I made up for anybody ever.