Missing You (Sequel to Somewhere In Neverland)

Damned If I Do Ya

Alex's POV:

"Are you okay?" She asked me. She was crying.

No. She was only doing that to win, to be vunerable. To manipulate me. "Yeah, I'm fine." I hissed, sitting on the couch.

She followed me, but standing back enough to not be threatening, or interrogating. "Where did you go today?"

"Fucking nowhere." I rolled my eyes at her. I actually drove to the memorial my parents had placed for Tom. I spent the day there, just trying to make sense of everything. My kids hated me, my wife expected so much more of me, and I couldn't even go a week without needed her to rescue me. I was pathetic, and I needed to back away from things.

She sat, facing me, but far away. "Please tell me how you're feeling. I promise not to bitch and moan at you. I promise I'll listen and I'll understand and I won't judge you. Please, I don't want to be without you."

"Calm down, I'm right here." I had my attitude up to stop vunerability.

She was wiping her cheeks. "No you're not. This isn't you, Alex. This isn't the way you act."

"How do you know who I'm supposed to be, huh? You don't control every aspect of my life! I don't rely as heavily on you as you think!" I raised my voice.

"I'm sorry you feel that way." She was walking on eggshells to not upset me. It wasn't working. I didn't like the way I felt, and I didn't like how her tears were blaming this all on me.

"Yeah, well I do! You act like everything is fucking okay all the time when it's not! You let these kids disrespect me, and you let that bitch disrespect me this morning! I'm tired of taking all this shit, and you not even sticking up for me! And then you act like you own me, and you get derranged when I'm gone for a week!" I stood, screaming down at her.

"Alex, I did that for you." Although the words argued, her tone was still sweet. "I thought you weren't okay-"

"Well I was!" I screamed again, spinning around in anger. 

"And the kids, they do respect you, I promise. They just want a casual, trusting relationship with you too." She stood, resting a hand on my arm to calm me down.

I smacked it violently away. "Stay away from me!"

"Okay!" Now her voice was raised. She backed away with her hands up.

"Don't act like that! I'm not gonna hit you! I'm not you!" 

She screamed out in anger and put a hand on her hip. "Why can't I get to you? Do you want out? Is that what this is?"

I felt pained by the sentence. It felt so real now. What I wanted was just to get out of this funk. To feel like an individual again instead of another piece to a puzzle that didn't fit quite right. Or maybe I wanted to feel like I fit. Either way, I didn't know how to achieve either one. "I don't know."

"How could you do this to me?" Her hand was cupped around the shape of her heart. "I'm trying so hard to make things good for you! I just want you to be happy! Please, Alex, what can I do to make you happy?"

"I don't know! I DON'T KNOW!" I screamed. Now I was in tears too.

"And where were you today? Were you out with someone else?" She screamed.

"Of course not! I went to my brother's grave, okay? Is that what you wanted to hear?" I screeched. "Fucking christ, I would never cheat on you, and you should know that!"

"I don't know anything anymore! How am I supposed to know when you won't fucking talk to me?" She was done with my shit.

"I can't tell you about it when I don't even know what I want!"