Hey, Mister In Denial (BxB)

Chapter 16: Million Pieces

Chapter 16
Million Pieces

My heart hammers against my ears as Dale's dark green eyes bore into mine. It seems like I'm letting him see through me, and I feel like I'm vulnerable. Now that I'm closer, closer enough to see how gorgeous his eyes are, I can see the flecks of gold just around the irises.

His palm is still resting on my hip, and I'm frozen, unable to move but to only stare at his eyes. I search for his face, for any sign of discomfort or annoyance, but it's as if I'm looking at a wall made of bricks. But that doesn't deny the fact that I'm liking this. Hell, I'm loving this, and I wish this moment would never end. Just this moment, and that's it, I'd never ask for more. But at the thought of that, there's an annoyance bubbling inside me, because I know myself. I know that I'm selfish enough to wish for this again, to want this again.

The warmth of his hand seeps right, though there's a fabric separating, preventing the skin of his palm from touching the bare skin of my hip. The pounding of my heart gets louder, and neither of us speak. Neither of us moves. The silence is so thick, as well as the tension. Words stuck in my throat, and my mind has gone suddenly blank. There are questions that I want to throw at his face, but I can't seem to force myself to ask those questions. Instead I gulp them down.

I wonder if this is just a dream. This feels too surreal, and I know that this only happens in my dreams. This only happens in an alternate reality, where we're so in love with each other and nothing can take us apart, where our motto is: us against the world.

Dale's face contorts into something I have seen before, and he rarely shows that emotion, and for a moment, I see a face of a kid in front of me, a kid who has been lost, that has been hurt, that has been denied of something. But as fast as it appeared, it disappears and I feel a flare of hurt inside my chest. I want to ask him if he's okay, if there's something wrong, if there's any way I can help him, to lift his spirits up, but just like a piece of slob, I can't do so. I'm a coward. His thumb twitches, and though it's just a tiny move, I feel how tense he is. He has become frigid, and I force myself to pull away. His hand slips off my hip, and I can't keep my face from showing disappointment. Something flashes in his eyes, and he clenches his hands.

"Dale..." I whisper his name like how it's a holy name, that it shouldn't be said from the mouth of a criminal or sinners. I want to comfort him, to give him a hug that would make him forget all of his worries and troubles and pain, if there is any. Why? "What are you doing here?"

He opens his mouth, as if to say something, but then he shuts his mouth close and stares at a distance, his hair flying as the wind brushes past us. The ring bells, indicating that the next class has just begun, but I can't move. I don't want to leave him here. I want to stay here with him. There's something wrong, I can feel him. "Nothing."

"Nothing is definitely something." I say, smiling up at him. It hurts me to smile at him, because I know that I can only give him the smile of a friend, but never a smile of a lover. And somehow that's the most painful thing I can't seem to bear as of the moment. I can be beside him, to help him, but I can only do it as a friend. "If you don't want to tell me, that's okay."

"Is there something between you and Dustin?" his jaw clenches as he says Dustin's name, and the way he says it, it's like he's spitting out a poison that he has accidentally consumed. He looks at me, eyes burning with hatred and... sadness, and I'm standing frozen, staring at him with wide eyes and mouth agape. That's something that I didn't expect from him. "Forget it, I was just asking." He begins to stand up, our shoulders brushing as he does so, but my arm stretches out, shooting forward and grabbing his.

My gesture shocks me. There was something, a force perhaps, that made my hand catch his. And now that I'm holding his hand, I'm not sure of what to do. "No," I croak, the single word escapes my lips. He turns around, and I lower down my head, as if I'm ashamed of what I have done. I should have never grabbed his hand. I should have let him go away, because that's supposed to happen. "No there's nothing between us. I mean, between Dustin and I."