Holding On To You//Joshler

Chapter 34

an// sorry for the short chapter, I just wanted to kinda make up a lil for chapter 33

✾Josh✾

I propped the window open with a somewhat sturdy book;if it was to fall I would be caught in deep water. I'd already promised to not climb on the roof, it would make things a lot worse if Dad found out that I climbed up here to talk to Ty.

Tyler gave my phone two whole seconds to transfer a call alert, "I miss you so much" he hurriedly shouted down the phone. I jumped in shock slightly and felt myself stumble along the roof slates. "Are you on the roof Joshua? I told you I'd have to come over if I found out that you were up there alone"

It felt odd to hear Ty's voice but not feel the warmth of his tone brush against my skin, everything just felt so much more empty now. Ty was trying to be playful but honestly it made things so much worse. It would have been so easy to move on from public school if Tyler hadn't opened up so much, if I hadn't fallen for him and if he hadn't fallen for me. My lips stung in reaction to the ghost of our embrace. I'd never craved something more in the entirety of my life.

"I wish you were here Tyler, you don't understand how mu-"

"I think I do Josh, I feel it too you know"

"Mm I know Ty, I know"

"Just 181 days until you're back at school"

"You're gonna be okay at school right? Make sure you listen to Eddy and his advice, be weary of Brendon but don't block him out and Ryan-"

"I can feel the jealously in your voice"

"I'm jealous of everyone who gets to see you on a daily basis Ty, what If you grow a beard or get a tattoo or grow taller?"

"Calm down" he cooed from the other side of the screen, "I'm not going to change, and I'm not going to forget about you okay Josh I like you too much"

"You like me? What's another l word you can use there"

"I loathe you too much" I could see Tyler's little grin spreading amongst his cheeks, his soft adorable chubby cheeks.

"Tyler I want to try something out"

"Go on"

"Okay close your eyes"

"They are closed"

"Can I trust you?"

"All I can see is black and those tiny frazzled static dots"

"Okay good, take a deep breath"

Tyler breathed in harshly, "Now breathe out, be gentle"

"This is lame Josh"

"Don't distract me otherwise it wont work"

Tyler didn't reply, so I continued.

"Your hand feels smooth against mine as I delicately lace my fingers with yours. You're lying down against the soft sheets that are lightly brushing against the exposed skin on your back. I pluck up the courage to make the first move. My legs placed either side of your chest, I rest upon you and force you backwards so that you can support yourself against the headboard. I can feel you shaking as I let go of your hand. As I move upwards to meet your panicked gaze I leave a small trail of kisses on your chest, your shaking intensifies with every move I make. I tighten my grip on you with my thighs to make sure that you don't move away. You lean over to touch the edges of the shirt that I'd borrowed from y- "

"Josh what are you doing?" Ty replied weakly.

"You're breaking the immersion"

"Good" he squeaked, "This is awkward, I hate it"

"Mm okay it must have worked then, god you're so innocent I love that"

"No, you just love messing with me because it's the only way you experience power"

"Maybe I want to do that shit with you Ty"

"You need to go back inside"

"You're all blushy now aren't you?"

"Get inside, its chilly, you'll catch a cold Joshua William Dun. I'm not here to help you, I'm going to have to teach you how to fend for yourself"

"I'm inside, will you stay on call?"

"1) You haven't moved, I can hear everything, 2) Your dad will hear us and I don't want you getting into any trouble"

"It'll be fun Ty, it'd be so mischievous"

"It wont be fun when he catches you and takes your phone away"

A veil of sadness hung over my head, I left the illusion that I had made for myself. I was alone and I had to face it.

"Sleep well Ty, I'm gonna try and calm down now"

"Sweet dreams, I love you Josh" Tyler's breathing pattern changed, I knew he had paused to smirk.

My heart fluttered a little, I mean if little was equal to almost breaking out of my chest.

"Are you testing me Tyler Joseph?"

"I thought I'd give you something to feel excited about, something nice to dream about"

"Did you mean it Ty? Do you love me?"

"I like you a lot Joshua, I really do. Now get inside or I will bring my ladders to your roof and pull you down"

The little red phone symbol that was situated on my screen felt like a detonation button, my own personal doomsday trigger. As I pressed it I felt my heart scream, I didn't want to sleep knowing that I wouldn't see Ty tomorrow.