Holding On To You//Joshler

Chapter 35

AN// sorry for not updating recently, i'm just so scared this fic is going to end I don't know what ill do with myself without writing lmao

✾Josh✾

My hair felt odd, for once it was extraordinarily ordinary. It was its natural shade of brown. I wasn't even sure if I could recognise myself, I hated it but it kept my dad happy or as happy as he could have been with his gay son. He could take away my hair, my clothes, my friends but he couldn't take me away, not really. He could chip away at the image I had created for myself, but my image was just a projection for the feelings I had inside and not even he could access those. My body was a vessel filled to the brim with passion and native emotion, something that couldn't be tamed.

I entered the shop, closing the door gently behind me, I located a quiet corner in the back of the store. I ran my fingers over the piles of vinyl as I sauntered over to the safe haven - a look out post. Looking firmly down, I glued my eyes to the stack of records that I had enshrouded myself in, from the look of it I had entered the musicals section. I prayed that the store attendants would not ask me if I needed assistance, but the store was empty - empty of customers not attendants. They were tied to all four corners, waiting patiently for the next customer to walk into their invisible snares. I did not want to be their next victim so I picked up the nearest object I could find to create the illusion that I was okay. Destiny had brought me and the Les Miserables soundtrack together, it briefly acted as my floating aid.

"Javert or Valjean? Who is the bad guy?" I heard a small voice whisper and it brushed briefly past me.

"Sorry what?" I replied clumsily, I had no idea what the attendant had said.

"Les Mis, who do you think is the bad guy? The criminal who is portrayed as the protagonist or the law enforcer obsessed with banishing sin who for some reason is the antagonist?"

"I'm sorry I have no idea what you mean"

"Just browsing then?"

"Just browsing" I nodded. Tyler hadn't recognised me, he'd never seen my natural brown curls or me out of a brightly coloured shirt. It was nice to see that he had the confidence to approach strangers now, even if he was being paid for it. It did make me a little jealous though, to see him flourish in my absence, I wanted to be the person he talked to. Ever since my dad had confiscated my phone for the month I'd taken to using fragments of past exchanges that we had experienced for company. I'd piece together memories and formulate conversations in my head, it was sad really. Pitiful.  But I didn't have time for self pity when opportunity was at my door.

"So" I trailed, trying to real Ty back in. "Do you have any recommendations, preferably not movie soundtracks?"

His eyes were still glued to the floor, he hadn't improved that much over the winter break.

"The Moving Home EP is a good taster if you want to ease yourself into emo-punk, honestly I have bad taste I don't know why I work in a music store"

"Who is the artist?"

"Moose Blood, listen I know it sounds weird but its good trust me"

"Why should I trust you? You just said you have bad taste?"

"Touché" Tyler was still facing the ground but I saw his lips twitch a little before he finally decided to smirk. "If I didn't know any better I'd say you were flirting with me"

"You obviously don't get out a lot, I mean I'm not but would you mind if I started to"

"Yes, I mean I have a boyfriend?"

"A boyfriend hm? Does he like your music taste?"

"Very much so I imagine"

"So I'll like them then, this Deer Blood"

"Moose" Ty corrected, "How do you know what my boyfriends taste it?"

"Because hopefully I'm your boyfriend"

Tyler peered up from the ground, "Josh?" he gasped a little, I saw the colour rush back into his pale skin.

"It has been a month and you've forgot my voice already buddy?"

"No no, its just the music is so loud in here"

For some stupid reason I felt a huge urge to cry flood my mind, "Yeah you should turn it down" I said between small sniffles.

"Boss's orders" he shrugged, "When is the small talk going to end? Come here you"

Tyler opened his arms and I subconsciously allowed myself to lose myself in them.

"Is your dad around?" Ty whispered softly into my curls before he left a brief kiss there.

"He nipped to the tool store, I thought I'd pop in here"

"How did you know I was here?"

"Brendon came around to drop some work off at my house last week, he told me then and I've been waiting ever since for an excuse to come to the mall"

"I know that mischievous look, what did you do little Josh? Nothing too bad I hope"

"Oh nothing major, I just hid his toolbox and broke the shed lock - I staged a robbery on a minor scale"

"You did all of that to see me?" I ran my fingers along the edge of Ty's black collar.

"I love men in uniform Ty, especially black polo shirts that have a talking CD on the front"

"Don't mock me Josh" he teased.

"Its cute! So edgy Tyler, a real man of obscure music"

"It pays okay, plus I was bored without you"

"How have you been, without me I mean?"

"Narcissism Josh?" I presented him with wide eyes,"Oh alright then, its sucked but that Ryan oh he's so nice to m-"

"Tyler don't"

He giggled nonchalantly, "I'm still alive aren't I?"

"Anyway believe it or not I didn't just come here to talk, I got you something"

"What for?"

"Its a belated Christmas gift"

"Josh I cant accept that, I didn't get you one in return, I didn't know you'd come"

"If you leave it my dad will find it and see the name tag"

"Don't play me like that"

I shoved the package into his hands, "My dad is gonna be wondering where I am, just take it okay. I love you"

The latter of my response wasn't intentional, it happened to slip out. "I love you too Josh"

"That was my present Tyler, see you soon hopefully"

"Sneak out more often Rapunzel, break some more tools"

"I broke the lock smart arse not the tools"