Holding On To You//Joshler

Chapter 37

★ Brendon★

Ryan giggled lightly  in a child like manner between the short, sharp breaths he was taking.

"Bren stop it!" Ryan playfully shouted as he attempted to wriggle away from me, "I'm not even ticklish this is nervous laughter"

I shook my head, "Tyler is coming soon okay, do you remember the plan?"

Ryan tugged his shirt down so that it was covering his chest, he nodded enthusiastically, a little too enthusiastically "Tyler likes the music shop, he likes music, he writes music so we start a band"

"Start a band!" I echoed, Ryan was still smiling to himself, "Hey, Ryan" I paused to check on his expression, he was staring intently at me with wide eyes and a somewhat open heart, "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure Brendon, your tone is scaring me though, you're not proposing right?"

"No, not yet anyway" I winked but it hadn't sounded as playful as I had expected, "I was just wondering, did you or do you have a crush on Tyler?"

A pinkish hue spread itself along Ryan's soft, chubby cheeks. "I don't know what you're talking about Bren-" he was stuttering hopelessly.

"Look Ryan, its okay, you can like whoever honestly" my heart had lost its anchor and with that it had lost its way.

"Brendon, look at me" Ryan pleaded in a soft tone, "I like you silly, I've liked you since forever, I don't know why. You were always an ass but, I don't know, I still liked you then and I still do okay"

"But you're always so excited to see Tyler"

"He's a good friend, you know just because I'm gay it doesn't mean I latch onto every boy I see you know"

"Oh okay" my words were slipping away, for a journalist he wasn't very good at using persuasive language.

"I see how it is" Ryan's voice sounded abnormally strong, strong and sure. He released his grip from the end of the bed and started to travel over in my direction.

"Ryan stop, Tyler's coming soon"

"I'm sure we have just long enough for me to kiss you" Ryan smirked, but it didn't suit him.

"Ryan!" I threw a pillow in his direction and he laughed in response, "Why are you acting so weird today?" he threw the pillow back in my direction.

"I'm just happy okay, but I'm sad now, you wont let me kiss you"

"Shut up" I teased, "I'm the decision maker in here okay George Ryan Ross THE THIRD"

"Hey! Its just Ryan Ross to you, and I don't kiss mean boys you've lost your chance!"

"Oh, have I?" I raised an eyebrow and stared at him menacingly, he crumbled.

"Brendon stop, I give in"

I didn't break the gaze, right up until there was a half hearted knock on my bedroom door.

"Tyler?" Ryan and I chimed in together.

"The doors open" I said, trying to sound as polite as possible. The last time Tyler was in my room things didn't go too well for he and I.

"You didn't have to invite me around guys, I don't wanna crash on you" if Tyler hung his head any lower it'd surely rest at the centre of the earth.

"We weren't doing anything anyway" I lied, gritting my teeth, "Anyway, me and little Ryan here made a plan to get you out of your man pit"

"I so do not have a man pit, and I do leave, I leave for work and for school"

"Ah Tyler you should have said! We didn't realise you had such a vast social life" Ryan nudged me a little but it made teasing Tyler more rewarding.

"I'm leaving my room to sit in another room, my vast social life never ends!" a smug grin was spreading on Tyler's face, he was being annoying but at least he wasn't being gloomy for once.

"Lets go somewhere then, what about the diner down the road? I could really murder some pancakes right now" Ryan squirmed as he released himself from my grip. I must have subconsciously grabbed his hand, my natural sense of dominance was kicking in. Something in my mind must have been intimidated by Tyler's presence.

"Ryan, its 3pm, breakfast was half the day ago" I said against his skin as he brushed past me, he grabbed me by the hands and yanked me from my resting position. "Pancakes it is, come on Tyler, its on us, seeing as we ruthlessly dragged you from your 'work' "

"I feel like you two are my gay uncles or some shit taking me on a day trip out" Tyler scoffed as he put back on his hoodie that he had removed just moments ago, bless, it was hard work being Tyler Joseph.

"I'm not gay" I replied with a smile spreading from ear to ear. Ryan and Tyler roared with laughter.

"Sure" Ryan said as he patted me on the back, "If you're not gay then I'm not allowed to do this" He left a small kiss on my cheek before running down the stairs. I felt bad, me and Ryan were having a good time, a casual hang out. But Tyler had to wait months before he could just chill with Josh, I felt guilty - an emotion I'd never encountered before. I didn't want to deny Ryan and his affections, but I didn't want Tyler to feel like he was alone in this, like he was a third wheel.

"Sorry about him Tyler, he's not always this giddy, I think he's just hungry"

Tyler trailed behind me, "Its okay, its nice to see people happy I guess"

"Bless him I know"

"Brendon can I have a word with you, I know were barely friends but I just don't want Ryan or you getting hurt"

"What is it Tyler?" Ryan was waiting excitedly at the door.

"I just, you and him. Something about it seems wrong, all the secrecy, I don't want either one of you getting hurt by it. Do you not feel bad lying about it?"

Tyler cared about Ryan and Ryan cared about Tyler. I knew that neither one really cared for me, I was just a piece of a larger puzzle for them.

"I'm happy, is Ryan not? Has he said anything about it?" I looked over to see the happy boy again, it hurt to think I could be the one who ruined it.

"I asked him when he came to check on me, he seemed fine. I mean I don't want to stop it, I just saw then how nice you two have it, I just don't want anything to ruin it you know?"

"Thank you Tyler, for being concerned, I just need you to understand that I'd never intentionally hurt him, I mean look at him, who would?"

"I know that Brendon, I'm just worried that something unintentional is going to happen"

"I'm working on telling Dallon you know"

"Good, good, just be careful yeah?"

"Of course I will"