Hello Captain (Steve Rogers)

Second chances

Steve's POV

I opened my arms invitingly, knowing I put off a good deal of heat as high as my metabolism was. "Come here, Sarah; I'm like a heater."

She thought about that for a second, studying me briefly before moving closer to me, letting me put my arm around her as we sat next to each other. I needed this physical contact right now more than anything else but I wasn't sure if it was acceptable to ask for it.

Emotionally, I knew I was barely keeping it together right now. I hadn't just told my story; I had relived it -every painful part of it - including losing my best friend all over again. I missed my old life more now than I ever had, not just Bucky, but Peggy, too. In the months since I'd been thawed, I still hadn't come to grips with the fact that neither of them were going to show up out of the blue. Talking to Sarah had brought up even more memories, both good and bad.

I struggled to control my breathing, trying not to give in to my grief, but I was losing that battle. I knew I should leave; I wasn't in control of myself right now and I was worried that I would say something I shouldn't. Ever since the first day I'd met her, the dreams had been more vivid – and not in a good way.

Distantly, I felt Peggy – or was it Sarah –  I wasn't sure anymore; I couldn't tell them apart right now, working herself up into my lap, putting her arms around my neck and holding me tight. I instantly responded to the hug, folding my large frame around her small one, pulling her closer. I hid my face in her long, dark hair.

"Steve, I'm here for you. It's okay to cry. I'm here. It's okay." She murmured quietly, over and over, as my whole body shook from the effort of holding back. Her voice broke when she started to cry, her hot tears soaking the collar of my thin shirt and I lost the fight myself, tears streaming down my face as I held her slight frame even closer.

 I don't know how long we stayed that way, with me holding on to her like she was my lifeline, but when I finally stopped shuddering and my body relaxed, her hair was damp from my tears.

She raised her head from my shoulder, pulling back so she could see my face. Her eyes were red and there were still tears on her cheeks. I used the pads of my thumbs to wipe them away as her sad golden brown eyes focused on mine, leaning her cheek into my palm and closing her eyes briefly and covering my hand with her own.

I'd never had anyone act like this around me, like they wanted me to touch them. Her small hands were gentle as she returned the favor, wiping away the remainder of my tears. I felt her shift in an attempt to get comfortable, and I realized how cramped of a position she had to have been in the entire time I'd been holding her.

I shifted on the couch so she would be more comfortable, and she pushed me into a semi reclining position. She sighed quietly as she stretched out on top of me, hiding a wince as she rubbed at a muscle that protested being balled up for as long as she'd been.

"Steve?" she whispered, resting her head on my chest, her ear over my heart.

"Sarah?" I said, just as quietly.

"What are you thinking?"

I didn't answer her right away, just rubbed my hands absently up and down her back, soothing another twitching muscle. Eventually, she braced herself on her forearms so she could look at me and I decided it was time to talk about what had really been on my mind since our last conversation at Shield earlier this afternoon.

"I'm glad... you look like Peggy, the Peggy I left behind in 1945. I know you're not her, but I'm still happy to see you and talk to you and get to know you.... She's still alive, you know."

She nodded, licking her lips before speaking. "I don't want to make you sad, Steve." I shook my head, opening my mouth to reply but she doggedly continued on. "I don't want to hurt you, so if my being here is going to make things harder for you in any way, you need to let me know that now."