Hello Captain (Steve Rogers)

Happy Birthday, Steve

Steve's POV
    So far, it had been a pretty good birthday. I had gotten to spend time with my friends and my beautiful girlfriend. I knew she hadn't forgotten it was my birthday, so I wondered what she had up her sleeve.    

    Jace and I shared a room to get showered and changed. I let him go first while I found the clothes Sarah had laid out for me from the bag she'd packed this morning. Jace was pretty quick and came out wearing his towel around his hips.

    I walked past him into the bathroom, mentally reconciling the differences between him and Bucky. Physically, at 18 he was in better shape than Bucky had been; his muscles were pretty well defined. They shared the same birthmark as well, a small, slightly darker patch of skin that looked like a star just at the top of the right hip that would blend into a summer tan.

    I missed Bucky so much today. I'd always missed him since waking up in this time, but today was the worst. I showered quickly, barely holding myself together. I dried off, wrapping the towel around my waist to go get dressed. Bucky – no, Jace – Jace was buttoning up his shirt but looked over with a smile as I came in the room, and my heart ached like I had taken a bullet to it. I tried not to stare at him, but I suddenly couldn't tell who he was anymore.

    "You okay, Steve? You look like you've got something on your mind."

    I sat down on the bed and put my head in my hands, taking a deep breath.  He came over and sat next to me, concern on his face.

    "Sorry, Jace. I just got caught up in an old memory. Today was always a day where I hung out with Bucky. We'd be all over Brooklyn, doing stuff together before finding a place to watch the fireworks. You still remind me of him a lot."

    "Is that good or bad?"

    "Both. You being here has made today a little easier for me." I fought to keep my voice steady as it threatened to crack. "I just... miss him... a lot."

    Jace put his arms around me in the way that Bucky always used to back when I was scrawny Steve. I turned into him and rested my forehead on his shoulder, drawing in a shaky breath. I had promised myself that I wasn't going to lose it today, and I didn't want to break that promise. Jace must have realized how close I was to breaking down, because he just held me tight. I put my arm around him and I held onto him for a long moment, just concentrating on breathing. It helped that he didn't smell like Bucky, because right then he felt like Bucky. He spoke quietly in my ear, his voice not quite steady either.

    "You know he's looking out for you still, right? He's just not right next to you like you'd thought he'd be. It's okay with me if you pretend I'm Bucky tonight, Steve."

     I finally let go of him when I thought I could hold it together. I gave him a wistful smile and shook my head. "It wouldn't be right, Jace. But thank you. If I let myself think you're him now, what's to keep me from doing it again? I have to move on, as hard as that is sometimes. He's not coming back." That hollow feeling was back, and I felt completely alone again. Jace put his hand on my neck and I met his eyes, the familiar cerulean filled with concern.

    "You're right," he said quietly. "You're a great guy, Steve - you know that?"

    "Thanks. You're pretty great yourself, Jace." He let go of me and stood up, walking into the bathroom as I started to get dressed.

    He flashed me Bucky's crooked grin when he came back out and I had to look away, the pain was so intense. I shrugged into my shirt and pulled it on, standing up to button it and tuck it in.

    "Come on, Steve - we're gonna be the last ones downstairs."

I went back in the bathroom to comb my hair and my eyes weren't as red as I thought they'd be.  "Go on ahead; I'll be right behind you. Just have to put my shoes on."