beyond the monotonous city

two

Sometimes Lauren's friends called.

Usually it was Keana, who called from NYU where she studied and sometimes did some modelling gigs on the side. Keana who was her best friend since ninth grade, they were inseparable since. Sometimes it was Shaun who called, who studied in UCLA. That day it was Keana.

Lauren was lying on the bed, phone in hand.

"So how was your first day back? Were they nice?" said the other voice beyond the static.

"Yeah, I saw a couple of old teachers like Ms. Campbell again. They were really happy to see me, I guess they were more happy to see me than I was to see them. People were alright, I didn't really talk to them." Lauren tried to hide the sad in her voice because she knew Keana would read through her so quick, despite their long distance.

"Cheer up Laur, it's not as bad. You'll pass this year with flying colors I'm sure. The schools will be lined up for you, well they still are. I'm really excited for you," Keana did sound the part and Lauren was thankful to have such a supportive friend at her side.

They talked some more until Keana had to leave.

"Lauren, I know it's hard. It's fucking difficult but you have try to move on okay? I know this is easier said than done but you have to try, meet new people. Don't let what happened be a barrier, a wall that separates you from everyone else. I want you to live your life, the way Lauren would this time last year. It's your final year, make it count-"

"Keana-" she started.

"No buts, you heard me Jauregui. I'm saying this as your best friend, I'm sure if Shaun were here he would say the same. I'm counting on you, I'm rooting for you. We all are. Even your father-"

"Okay let's not bring him into this. Boundaries Keana,"

"Okay okay, just know that all of us are. We want the old Lauren back. We really miss her a lot." Lauren knew her best friend enough to know that she was probably shedding tears at this point.

"I miss her too."

Lauren didn't want to feel left behind but most of the time, she really did. It was a fact that between the three of them, and most of the student population in her grade, that Lauren was above them all academically.

The schools were lined up to offer Lauren scholarships, she knew that. The IVY League schools weren't a distant dream to her, they were actually attainable.

All of those gone down the waste just because she fucked up. Funny how one night in your life can change so much, she thought.

Lauren turned to her window and stared across the street to the quaint house. The house belonged to the Cabellos, who were their neighbors since she was still a kid. Lauren remembered one of her earlier childhood memories was playing at the backyard of the Cabellos with their daughter Karla.

Just like most childhood friendships, it ended as soon as they grew up. It wasn't a loss to Lauren, since she had her own friends and it wasn't like she cared too much about the loss of a childhood friend.

Lauren decided that whoever was at that house probably lived a better life than her right then.

/

Her mom brought her to her therapist at the nearest hospital to their house.

Clara tried to lighten up the mood but Lauren thought how unfortunate that her life had resorted to frequent trips to her therapist.

"I'll pick you up in two hours, maybe you'd want to go to that group session? I've talked to Will, the guy who runs it. He said you're very welcome to drop by."

"I'm not much for those mom, you know-" Lauren turned and her mom was smiling that smile, and Lauren found herself nodding. She did things for her mom, since she didn't want her to feel any worse. God knew Lauren felt nothing, she hadn't felt anything substantial since.

Her mom kissed her on the cheek and Lauren waved goodbye as she watched her mom speed off.

Lauren was very familiar with the hospital, having spent a significant amount of time in there, more than she would have liked. She found herself in front of the door that read "Dr. Matthews".

A middle aged man with salt and pepper hair greeted her. Lauren made the observation before that he looked like the main character in Grey's Anatomy, to which he laughed. She took a seat opposite him at the couch while he sat on his doctor's chair.

"John," she called him by his first name.

"Lauren," he smiled warmly at her. He was always so nice to her, and very patient. "How are you doing? I hear you went back to school."

"Yeah, it's surreal. I-I guess I have to get used to it." She said, her eyes finding its gaze to her intertwined hands.

"I'm sure you'll have a lot of time for that. I'm happy we're getting ourselves back on course. Step by step." He jotted down something on his clipboard. He looked back up and Lauren watched his green eyes, she wondered if hers looked as radiant and striking as his. "Care to tell me about how you're feeling?"

Lauren bit her lip. She wanted to say that she's been better, because that's what doctors like him wanted to hear. But she wasn't so sure.

"The same I guess, I just feel empty you know." She found it easier than expected.

He nodded and wrote stuff down. "Don't be too hard on yourself. It's really a process. Maybe you could try and do the things you used to like, bit by bit. That's the key here, trying and doing the little things first."

"I don't think I'll like doing them anymore."

"Well Lauren, it's worth a shot. Live a little. Didn't you tell me you were a softball player before? Maybe you could go to a pitch sometime and just try to catch or do a swing. Or maybe you can try singing again you-"

"Okay, I think I get it." she said abruptly.

They talked some more. Though Lauren liked John over most of the other psychiatrists she's had before, he was still a doctor. He wasn't really someone she could talk to.

She dug her hands at the pockets of her jacket as she made her way out of the office and towards the activity room where her mom told her the group session would take place. Just before the door of the room, she stopped herself and realized she did not want to be there.

Live a little, John told her. She made her way out of the hospital and to one of the old places she frequented where she was sure she lived a little in.

She found herself entering one of the night clubs.

--

A/N: I was actually debating whether to continue writing this or not since the group broke up but I remembered I was writing for the story and not just the people the characters are based on. So I'll keep going. Tell me your thoughts and what you'd want to see happen, I'm interested :)

-Sofia (twitter: vaporlaur)