beyond the monotonous city

fifteen

The next few days were filled with joy as Lauren swore she never felt that happy for too long. Clara smiled happily on her to see her daughter feel so good about herself lately.

Shawn had asked Ariana out on a date already so it was to no surprise to Lauren when she sat on their lunch table, Shawn was with Ariana. Dinah sat next to her instead.

"Hey Lauren it's good to meet you finally. Shawn tells me you're a good singer." She said, her voice as soft as honey. Ariana was really nice and Lauren thought she was really cool.

"Shawn told me you sing as well," Lauren said, recalling the times Shawn gushed over Ariana the past few days. It was annoying and seemed impossible to Lauren that Ariana was all that but apparently, she was.

Ariana looked really touched at her comment.

"She probably sings well in bed, wife her up." Dinah muttered only for Lauren to hear and Lauren almost spit her drink. She kicked Dinah's knee.

"Ouch, I'm so hurt." Dinah said mockingly.

They spent their lunch watching as Shawn and Ariana suddenly turned into the most lovely and even cringe worthy couple. Dinah has been letting out comments the whole time but if the new couple heard her, they didn't let on and were unbothered.

Dinah excused herself before lunch was ending and Lauren followed suit.

"Next thing you know, those two are going to be making out and I don't want to be their number one spectator," Dinah said as they made their way to the empty steps at the back of their school, the place where Lauren watched Dinah practice.

"And how do you know that?" Lauren asked amusingly.

"Because that's exactly what happened when Mila and Shawn started dating." Dinah said sighing, sitting down. Lauren sat beside her, the idea of Camila and Shawn kissing and making out making her uncomfortable all of a sudden. Maybe it was because Camila told her that she wasn't into boys as she had initially imagined.

They were silent, Dinah just looked ahead at the empty football field as the Miami breeze rolled by.

"Dinah I think I need to tell you something." Lauren piped in, her eager voice very small amidst the silence.

Dinah raised an eyebrow and looked at Lauren.

"I don't really know if it is possible. Feelings are a blur to me still, and heaven knows I'm scared to act upon anything. But the past few months have been really something else for me. With school, making new friends and trying new and old things again, slowly realizing what made me, well-me. But then there comes Camila, she came into my life when I was at a trough and I mean it. I wanted to die that night but she stopped me because something in her knew, and she was right. We became good friends and I'm really happy. But there's something else." Dinah's face was stone cold, so Lauren continued. "You told me that I liked her, you saw it in my face. I got really anxious, I was scared and I wasn't ready-because of the history I had and because I'm not really well. I felt something more towards her and when you addressed it, I suddenly couldn't dismiss it any further. The more we hang out, the more I realize that I do like being with her. And part of that is I just don't want to be her friend. My old best friend told me to go what my heart wants. I know my heart wants her, I just don't know how much and what to do about it."

Lauren looked to Dinah who seemed to absorb all she said. She turned to Lauren, her face looking unwilling. "Lauren, I can really see that you do like her. Trust me when I say that you and Camila would be great. But Camila isn't for you."

Lauren's expectant spirit suddenly plummeted. She frowned. "What, I don't understand-"

"Camila doesn't know what she wants," Dinah warned.

Lauren was so speechless as she didn't expect Dinah to react that way. She stood up, wanting to ball her fists, not knowing what to feel. "And you know that?"

Dinah looked torn as she watched Lauren, as if she didn't want it to escalate this way. She sighed and held Lauren's hands. "Laur, okay I'm in no position to say this. You talk this out with her. I just don't want you to get hurt."

Lauren felt the emotion of anger and hurt bubble up inside of her. She rushed back inside the building and locked herself in one of the stalls. She felt the tears come out as she recalled Dinah's words that hurt her. When she was sure the tears were gone, she hurried back to class pretending like it didn't just happen.

She was very much preoccupied during class and she found herself hurrying as the final bell rang. She waited outside Shawn's Math class, hoping to see him.

When she saw his tall figure emerged from the door frame, she called him.

"Hey Lauren, what's up." he said, slinging his backpack on one shoulder.

"Shawn are you doing some reach out or charity event? Can I come?" she asked knowing the guy did some charity work sometimes after school. Shawn looked surprised but agreed.

She followed Shawn to his car as he started driving. She was still shaken up at riding shotgun but she tried not to think too much about it.

"So I planned to go to the children's orphanage. I usually just stay there and keep company, but I saved up some and actually bought them some cookies from the bakeshop." Shawn smiled as he told her about his charity and Lauren felt her heart swell up at his kindness. "It's nice you came actually 'cause more company is better. For the kids."

They arrived soon enough at the orphanage and Lauren helped Shawn with the containers with the cookies. They were led to this big room, sort of a function room where the kids were all sitting on the rug. When they entered, the kids started to become excited, some running, others jumping. Lauren never saw that much joy in one room and felt her sadness being lifted temporarily.

Shawn made them all line up and with Lauren's help they distributed the cookies to the kids who were so overjoyed at getting the dessert. When they were done Shawn was even telling a story to some kids who were in a circle around him. Lauren watched on, entranced at how good her friend was with the children.

When the kids had to be escorted for their play time, it was time for them to go. The manager of the place went up to thank Shawn and Lauren personally.

"That was pretty amazing," Lauren said as she put the containers back in his trunk. "You're really good at that."

Shawn smiled, his arm on the open car door. "Well yeah it's for the kids. I'm really passionate about the homeless and orphaned children, that's because one of my cousins was just an orphan and was adopted so I guess that cause really stuck with me."

They both got inside the car and Shawn started driving to Lauren's house.

"So why did you come?" Shawn eventually asked.

"I needed to clear my mind, honestly I just wanted to distract myself. It usually keeps me from feeling too emotional, and I don't want that." Lauren admitted. Shawn was understanding enough though and he didn't call her out for it.

"Well you seem very into it as well, I wouldn't mind you joining me every once in awhile or maybe go doing your own charity with a cause closer to home." He said.

It made Lauren think a bit until they arrived at her house. She unbuckled her seat belt and hugged Shawn goodbye. She was left standing and found herself looking at the Cabello residence. She remembered what Dinah said all of a sudden.

Was she not good enough for Camila? Why did Dinah say then that Camila wasn't for her? Was she that unattainable? She felt the weight of the moment pull her down and she went inside her house, not knowing just how far her emotions will take her.

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A/N: This chapter was short, I just realized. I think I didn't explicitly state this yet but Lauren suffers from PTSD in the fic and you could see it through her flashbacks.

- Sofia