beyond the monotonous city

fourty five

Her life went on.

She focused on school, focused on her college applications, and spent time with her friends. The difference now was that she acknowledged she couldn't do it alone. She took her meds, went to her therapist. John was there to offer a shoulder to lean on and words of advice that she heeded.

"You're right Lauren, it doesn't get easier with time, it's different for each time but you're learning and you're growing and that's important." He affirmed.

"I'll be honest John, I don't think I've gotten over Alex completely and now Camila. I don't know how I'm still alive." She admitted, playing with the button on her jacket.

"Because I know you Lauren. You're a strong woman through and through. I see it in you." He said simply.

"And Lauren, it's not a bad thing to remember." He advised. Lauren faintly smiled.

When she got in school one day, she made it a point to stroll for a while. She passed by the glass case of all their trophies and team photos. She passed by where she knew Alex was in the band photo, half-smiling. She stopped at where the cheerleading trophies were housed. The most recent one was two months ago, when Camila last competed and there were two trophies there, one for the school and one with her name engraved on it. She saw the newest addition of the last competition, a photo of Camila wearing her cheer outfit holding onto her trophy, a big smile plastered on her face.

Lauren felt her heart ache. She remembered John's words. It wasn't bad to remember. And it wasn't. That was a good time in Camila's life and it clearly showed in the photo.

She made her way to the classroom for English class.

Ms. Campbell reminded them all again of the essay and Lauren was determined to finish it that night. Her teachers still looked out for her, which she appreciated but she kept them at a distance because that was simply how she coped.

"Lauren," Ms. Campbell said as the class was dismissed. "If you keep it up, you'll graduate as the class valedictorian this year. You're number one on the list."

Lauren felt an air of sadness. "Camila was supposed to be right?"

Ms. Campbell sadly nodded. "If you graduate as valedictorian, a lot of schools have contacted us that they want you in their institution. But I know you're aiming for Ivy League?"

Lauren nodded. "I'm still working on the essay, I wanna work hard for it and get in just like everyone else."

Her teacher nodded. "That's very respectable. It's nice to see you back in school so sudden, when we all expected otherwise. You're coping but we're glad to see you better."

Lauren nodded and thanked her teacher. It was comforting to her that people thought she was coping better.

She sat with her friends over lunch and they talked about what normal teenager did, the gossip, grades and what they would do in college. It comforted her rather than talking about grown up things such as coping, mourning and grieving. It reminded her of her life outside her bubble, outside her head.

When she got home, Clara told her that someone had called her. "Sinu invited you over dinner tonight with them."

"But I'll be leaving you."

"Lauren, it's not the first time. And it would make me happy if you went." Clara reasoned. Lauren nodded and got dressed better than her jeans and shirt. She opted for a skirt and a sleeveless top.

It was dark by the time she got out of her home to go to the Cabello's. She rang the doorbell, half expecting Camila to show up with that lopsided grin of hers. But she didn't. Sinu greeted her, smiling and it made her wonder what was there to be happy about.