beyond the monotonous city

fourty four

A/N: A part near the end could be very triggering, you don't have to read it if you like. I put a TW down below

The first thing Lauren did was crash on the couch when she got home.

She didn't know how heavy the weight she was carrying until that moment. Sleep overcame her and it was fine by her as it took away all her pain. She woke up hours later, feeling light headed.

Her mom was at the kitchen doing some work so she went upstairs. When she passed by the guest bedroom, she made the mistake of opening it. When she was greeted by the finished works on easel, she felt the sob rattle her to her bones. She crumpled to her knees.

Camila never got to see them.

It was supposed to be her way of telling Camila how she felt about her and one look and Lauren saw all the love she had for that girl. The love her muse will never get to see. It had been her release when her emotions got too much, and because of that, she poured even more of herself into it. That all the more made it harder for her.

She picked up the nearest one, the one she painted of Camila's side view. It had become her favorite as Camila told her to keep it as a piece of her. It was the only painting in the gallery she saw. Lauren's hands trembled as she held it.

It was unfair. Life was unfair.

In that room it was as if Camila's presence was very much alive, when in reality she was really gone. That was the cruel joke to Lauren as she cried until she couldn't breathe.

--

You don't really get over it. But for Lauren, you don't get used to it either.

She was still learning every day that she had no more business in the house across from hers. There was a longing to visit, until she realized she had no reason to be. It sometimes hit her in the weirdest times, when she would take the shower, when she would tie her shoes, whenever she sees McDonalds, and whenever the TV was turned to National Geographic. It was as if Camila was always so alive in everything that her brain had to remind her that she was really gone.

Camila told her long ago not to miss her so much. But for Lauren it was impossible when like she always said, Camila was larger than life. Her shadows were everywhere and they followed her. It was as if the planet was gone but Lauren was still moving in her orbit even if she tried to move on.

Dinah and Shawn gave Lauren space to cope as they knew it was the hardest on her. She went to school, studied, and poured her time there, ignoring any of her feelings. She continued eating lunch with them but she just let them speak and resumed her part of listening. They didn't force her, which she appreciated.

Chris and Taylor visited her along with her grandfather. She appreciated having them because they were family and she didn't have to explain herself to them. When she was quiet, they just gave her space and for Lauren, that was enough.

It was during a weekend when Lauren had nothing better to do than watch MTV for a change. That's when her door opened and she felt hands cover her eyes.

Lauren pried from the hands and turned to see not one, but two of her friends.

"Surprise, bitch!" Shaun said in excitement.

Lauren felt her eyes well up in excitement. She wrapped Keana in a hug first, then Shaun. She felt as if she was in a trance. The last time she saw both together was when she watched them leave for college and that was almost a year ago.

"What are you doing here?" she asked in bewilderment.

"We're here for you, Laur. We heard what happened. We couldn't not be here." Keana explained.