Eet. ♡

twenty four

trigger warning for mentions of suicide attempts.

message me if you need anything, i love you ❤️

🎀🎐🎀

december 31st, 2016

mikey: pete

pete: hi

mikey: i've been wondering something since the party it's kind of bugging me

mikey: pete can i ask you something?

pete: sure just ask

mikey: can u tell me about what bert meant with the better spirits comment i mean it's fine if u don't want to but i'm just wondering

mikey: i care a lot prob too much and?? ugh

pete: oh

pete: yea i'll tell u

pete: ur my best friend you deserve to know

mikey: alright

pete: it was like last year and i was talking with this guy. we were just at this show at a bar that i brought my fake id for and we started talking and then he bought me a drink and shit and me being young and dumb was like hell yea free booze wooooo

mikey: pete

pete: anyways don't even know what happened but all i know is suddenly ended up in his van and he was being creepy and suddenly fuckin bert literally pops out of nowhere and starts beating the shit out of him

pete: i got date raped. i didn't remember passing out but i kept ending up in different places every time my head stopped being weird and i could barely move

pete: it was really bad

mikey: pete

mikey: oh my god pete

pete: its ok. it's in the past now 

pete: anyway, bert got me and took me back to his house and let me rest up there because my parents would murder me if they found out i was out drinking with a fake id

pete: i ended up talking to bert a lot those three days and he helped me sort out a lot of shit in my head he was like my mini therapist lol

mikey: that was nice of him

pete: i'm thankful for him

pete: so thankful you don't even know. bert said he knew the guy & he always did that shit to young boys and he saw him walk out with me and he knew he had to step in and stop ignoring the rumors he heard

mikey: fuck. pete, fuck.

pete: mikey, i know you've known bert longer than me and you probably have more of an opinion on him but those days.. fuck. unless bert does really awful shit i'm always defending him.

mikey: i would aswell..

mikey: sorry if i'm not reacting as much as i should... i'm kinda just like ... idk

pete: it's ok

pete; honestly that was my wake up call to quit my shit

pete: i ended up swallowing like ten ativan the next weekend bc i felt like utter shit and i really wanted to die

pete: oh fuck i didn't mean to keep talking

mikey: pete.....

pete: like i said, i'm better. i was really low at that point. patrick was mad at me, brendon wasn't speaking to me, i had never felt more empty in my life and i really thought things were never gonna get better

mikey: how old were you..?

pete: 15.

mikey: holy fuck.

mikey: pete, don't ever do that. even if we grow apart or get into a fight or something, talk to me. holy fuck. pete.

pete: i'm sorry mikey

mikey: why are you apologizing?

pete: for turning this about myself

mikey: no. don't apologize. i asked.

pete: i have so much to live for. i have great friends and you.

mikey: me?

pete: yes. you. you're so great.

pete: i'm still sad. nothing can fix that. but i know now that life is worth living. if i died, i would never have met you. and ur pretty cool. i know it's toxic to act like a specific person is keeping me alive and shit but literally i'm so glad i got to meet you mikey way and i'm really glad i fucked up on dying bc i'm so glad to be alive right now

mikey: pete oh my god i'm actually crying

pete: thank you so much mikey. i gotta go, my mom wants to go to dinner for new year's eve. you should come over to mine later to watch the ball drop.

mikey; i would like that :)

🎀🎐🎀

a lot of inspiration for this chapter came from personal experience. this year, i lost my childhood best friend to suicide. i was friends with him for 8 years. he moved to the neighboring city and i wasn't really talking to him as much. i would comment on his snapchat stories and that was our friendship. i'm about to go out to dinner one day and find out he shot himself. he was fourteen. we were supposed to grow old together. we're not supposed to die at 14 years old. i miss him so much, i can't even explain to anyone. please message me if you need it. please. i love you all.