e s p o i r

28. Eudaimonia

I registered the fact that my leather boots that were formerly clogged in mud had now dried up to leave stubborn marks on them that flaked off as I stepped forward, each step taking me towards the end of this chapter of so-called life. I also registered that graveyards weren't much different from swamps and walking through was intractable.

Gravestones were erected from ground, each labelling a particular grave. Some were exceptionally small and I bet I would've freaked out if I didn't come here every once in a while to visit my father's grave. But this time, it was my father that I had come to visit. It was Lysandre.

After a little walk here and there, my eyes finally landed on a particular stone that said his name, I reached down and I left a lily on the grave, as snowflakes dwindled down from the sky. I stared at it for a while, still unable to grasp the fact that he was dead. It was a big part of my life. Perhaps because the most treacherous chapter of my life was over.

I was free from all the fears I had bore in my heart. It was beginning of a new adventure that awaited me, a new life that I'd live as soon as I'd exit the boundaries of this graveyard. A part of me wasn't ready while another part was born ready. I was heading for my new journey. A life of a normal girl.

All my bounds had vanished, my mother was back, Lysandre was gone, everything was back to normal. After so many years. Finally.

How would it be? A life without fears, bullets and blood.

My past was terrifying, most hopefully it was the worst stage of my entire life. There were so many things that happened - mostly to tear me apart. Storms, hurricanes, cyclones and what-not's. It was a rollercoaster with mostly downs. Every step was so full of heartbreaks and devastations, breaking me down to such a point that I'd lost my control and fallen on my knees, eventually standing back up to be knocked down again.

But it was worth it. Because I found love, and love? It could take as long as a decade and fade away in as little as a moment and still be worth it. I found Ash.

I do not recall my life being perfect even before Lysandre stepped into it. I wasn't social much. I was always the apologetic type. Maybe because my dad kept on apologizing - sorry for coming late, sorry for not giving you time, sorry for dying. Or perhaps because my mother never said it - Well you should be sorry, well you should be, well you should be.

Whatever it was, I just was. And maybe that's why people found it easy to destroy me. I mean, literally, you could just walk in and shatter my heart into million pieces and I'd be the one to apologize.

Trust me, it wasn't the best quality. It only made me weak.

Barely did I ever talk.

And people even considered me to be mute, and when I would bother to talk, "Wait, you can talk?" Was all I met in return. Well, not exactly did I talk fluently, it was mainly stuttering. Like, totally stuttering, And it took so much courage to do that even.