42. Stellar

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I found myself at a loss of sleep last night

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I found myself at a loss of sleep last night.  The half of my night was mainly spent blankly staring at the ceiling, rethinking my choices while the other half was spent trying to tidy my bedroom that had become a mess.

Neatly folding the clothes in quarters and placing them inside the drawers while tossing the unworn scattered garments into the laundry basket. I relocated the misplaced items, putting back the magazines and textbooks back on my bookshelf. Casually wiping the exposed floorboards clean.

The outcome was absolutely worth it. It felt so ravishing to see my same old bedroom that I had seen four months ago.

I had decided it was time to return. But whenever I felt my head resting upon the soft pillow, my mind return to the same spot,

Should I go meet him?

What would I say if I do?

Would I regret it?

All these thoughts were floating in my mind like stars finding absolutely no avenue to become constellations. I was breathless, at a loss of words and anxious.

It was about time I swung open the same door I had slammed shut about four months ago.

All I knew was that I missed him. I wanted to be with him again, I just wanted to laugh with him again, even if he didn't feel the same. If all that was written in our destinies was friendship then it is, and I would gladly accept that.

The morning sun rays came quicker than I had expected

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The morning sun rays came quicker than I had expected. Soon the dim light seeping through the curtains multiplied and taking a brief sigh, I collected myself and shuffled towards the shower.

I slipped on an oversized grey shirt and light wash ripped jeans. I sprinted downstairs in my black trainers but paused in midway upon seeing my mom and Dawn having a lighthearted conversation followed by a few chuckles, sipping on their respective cups of creamed coffee.

They paused as soon as their eyes landed on me, standing blankly in the middle of staircase.

I had stormed off last night in anger and frustration, asking to be left alone but I had never thought that Dawn wouldn't leave for her house afterwards.

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