Paging Payton(A Grey Anatomy/Jackson Avery Fanfic)

T W E N T Y- T H R E E

Heyy! I just wanted to give a quick shoutout to @tigerlilly247  for being absolutely amazing. She votes and comments and every single chapter and I absolutely love it. She brings me back form the dead to write these chapters along with everybody else who comments. I'd love to interact with you guys soo drop a comment below and I'll reply. Huge things coming soon❤️️!

Payton Arizona

I sat there staring at that bag. I had opened and closed the seal too many times to count but no matter how many times I did it, I couldn't make a decision. So I sat there, in the dark, just staring at my bag of oxy.

Oxy had always been my favorite. It had a way of dulling the emotions to nothingness while simultaneously sharpening the senses. I had always used oxy for 'special' occasions. Whenever something terrible happened, whenever I couldn't face life anymore, I drowned myself in the drug.

I had always hated to cry, I was taught that it was a sign of weakness and was strictly forbidden. So, when anything bad happened, I didn't cry. I drowned myself in needles and pill bottles and baggies.

I looked down at the opened baggie for the millionth time. I sucked in a sharp breath of air as a memory I had blocked out for a long time hit me.

"Hurry up, you dumb bitch. Your just as stupid and worthless as that whore I married. I always knew you were a mistake. Hurry up, flush them!" The sound of his hand thudding against my face resonated through the bathroom as he made me flush his pills before the police could get inside. "Aren't you gonna cry? Or are you defective or something? You didn't even shed a single tear when your mother OD'ed. Come on, cry."

"Payton?" A voice snapped me out of my thoughts. I whirled around on my heel to face him. I suddenly realized that I had stood up, put my jacket on and tucked the baggie back in my pocket.

"Owen." I hoarsely choked out. "Go. Leave." I sputtered.

"Not until you give me the bag. You don't need it. You can't drown yourself in it. " he slowly stepped towards me.

"No!" I yelled. "I have to. It's the only way. It's the only way I'll be fine."

"Payton, taking those drugs will only make things worse." Hunt took another slow step forward.

"No. I only need it once. I'm fine and im managing and I just need it once. I'm managing."

"Managing what?" Hunt asked. He would get closer to me with each question. His hand was outstretched, waiting for me to give him the bag.

"I didn't cry. Not one single tear. Not when my mother died, not when Andrew OD'ed, or when he stabbed Cindy or when the baby died. Not when my father beat me, or when she got her cancer. Not when she died or...  I have it managed." My voice was hoarse and raspy. I felt like someone had dragged their nails down the inside of my throat.

"Everything your managing, you shouldn't be. You should be feeling- grief, loss, pain. All of it."

"It's not normal. It's not ok. " I whispered.

"It is ok. It's normal. It's just not normal for you. You push it down, you don't let yourself feel. Instead you, drown it in drugs and you ignore the pain. You need to feel all of those things. You need to cry and scream." Hunt had nearly closed the distance between us. "You need to explode, fall apart, lose your mind, go insane. You need to be broken and then rebuild yourself only to be broken again. You need to be human."