(ATLANTIS) - haylor au

chapter twelve

"How could you?" She has an accusatory tone which stings me. This is what I've always been afraid of.

"He's my dad. I can do that, mom." I say that matter-of-factly. I say it with so much confidence that I'm surprised becausen I'd been hesitant to call him that day.

"You can't just ---"

I groan and roll my eyes. "Just because! Just because he's not your husband anymore doesn't mean I have to cut ties with him. He's still my dad!" I shout and I hear my whiny voice which I hate. I grab the dress that'su packaged from the couch and make my way upstairs to my room.

"Yeah, Taylor!" I hear her yell downstairs. "Don't forget that he left! He left you! And I was there for you!" She keeps yelling downstairs and I can understand her pain but she has no right to use her pain against me.

"Yeah, mom. Thanks for staying with me. Thanks for not fucking up." I feel tears well up as I shout from room. "You did your job as a mom by not leaving so I should punish dad for the rest of his life, yeah?" I open my door and shout downstairs. There's nothing she says back and I slam my door. I'm sobbing now because what she said is not right. Dad didn't upright leave. He stayed in another house for a while. Then, they told me that they were separating and I stayed at his place every weekend. It was all so gradual. But of course, it feels sudden. I can remember a time when we were a family but never a time when they were together.

I sit in front of my mirror as I sob. I try to wipe my tears away and cover my mouth to stop crying so much. I can't even see. I'm staring at the mirror but everything is so unclear. I can't even recognize myself. I can't connect with this blonde haired girl with long curly locks. I don't. I can't. She's been dead such a long time and I've just been too afraid to say good bye to her. But I'm ready now.

I don't even go to school the next morning. I'd fallen asleep with the clothes I wore to school yesterday and I feel my tear stains. I'm horrified when I see my hair all over the floor. "Oh my god." I whisper to myself. I stare at it for a while and I feel better as I look into the mirror. I definitely need to get it recut but it's me. I know this girl. I only wash my face and text the girls not to come by my house.

I finally go downstairs to see that mom's left for work already. I've got the whole house to myself which isn't anything special. I'm sighing as I walk around the kitchen, looking for food. I only find some pancake mix and start making that. After making myself pancakes, I snoop around the drawers to see if she's left the car keys for the other car in the garage. I don't drive usually because it gives me anxiety but desperate times, call for desperate measures. When I do find them, I run upstairs to grab my purse. Before I know it, I'm stuffing pancakes and warm tea down my throat, rushing out the door.

No matter how shitty my mom made me feel last night, I'm not going to miss homecoming. I've earned this entirely, I keep telling myself as I drive to the city. It's an hour (not considering traffic) as the GPS tells me. I think I'm good with places but I haven't driven in months so the driving is what I'm worried about.

I haven't been to the city since the summer and Gigi had driven all of us there. We'd all wanted to pamper ourselves to a day at the spa and I remember that it was awkward in an adorable way since we'd never gone before. I'm trying my best to park and not rear-end another car.

Alright, I'm saying to myself as I walk into the salon. My hair's a mess, there's nowhere else to go. I can't trust anyone else with my hair besides Jess. "Hey." I give a small smile, seeing Jess at the counter. Her face completely falls, grabbing the end of my hair.

"What in the world?" Her eyes are wide and covers her mouth with her free hand. My face looks pained because her face changes and she laughs more heartily. "Get in there, kid." She pats my shoulder, gesturing over to the empty chair.

The salon is emptier than I'm used to but I assume it's so because it's still 10am. Jess' about my mom's age, maybe a little younger. She carries herself in a way that makes her look younger and that makes me forget how old she actually is.

It's all much less painless than I expect. Jess cuts my hair again, not too short but definitely, shorter than I've ever been used to. I'm looking into the mirror, staring into my own eyes and I feel like asking the girl in the mirror if she knows what's going on. Jess asks me if I'm alright every once in a while because she thinks cutting my hair so dramatically and getting it permanently straightened would be too much. I'm asking myself this now as she's working on my hair to get it straightened. I keep telling her I'm alright and I'm believing myself.

In the drive back, I keep feeling my hair at every chance I get. I feel myself getting more impatient at every red light I stop at. Looking out the window, I touch the ends of my hair again and they're so soft. I'm wondering how everyone will react. Coming back home takes longer than going to the city and I groan as I drive into my garage. I don't even notice Harry at my front door, sitting there. "What're you doing here, Styles?" I say, walking out the garage.

He gets up. He's looking at me but his eyes are all over the place. He's confused and I feel my breath stop. His mouth opens up to say something but he just looks at my face. I forget that I've just gotten my hair cut and also got it straightened. That's when it hits me. He's confused seeing me look so different. "Where were you?" Is all he says in the end.

"I just wasn't feeling well." I tell him and of course, that's all I'll offer to him. "I'm still going tonight." I walk past him into my house.

"You don't have to." He follows me in. I turn to face him and roll my eyes. "You think I'm going to miss a chance to make you drool all yourself over me?" I raise an eyebrow with a playful smile on my face. He finally cracks a smile and shakes his head. "You wish." He says to me.

Harry leaves shortly which makes me wonder why he was even here in the first place. There's still time left for me to get dressed in exactly the way I want so I head upstairs. I'm hesitant over what I want to smell like tonight. It's like today I'm birthing a new Taylor and I want her to be really me. I'm don't want this Taylor to be made by easy choices. I want to go out of my way for people, for myself.

I pull the drawer of my dresser. I'd kept all my dad's Christmas and birthday presents to me here because I couldn't dare to use it instead of mom's. Today is just a 'fuck it all up' day and I use the perfume he'd gifted me but it's obvious that Delilah definitely had a hand in choosing it because there's no way his choice could smell so perfect.

As a last touch, I put on a red lipstick and smack my lips together, looking into the mirror. I wouldn't want this much attention on me but I can't help it today. My homecoming outfit is actually a two-piece outfit. Something about it just screamed 'get me, get me, get me' when I had seen it online. I twirl in front of the mirror, not that the skirt really did much. It's more for myself. I own very limited pair of heels so I just go with the black stilettos. Every once a while, I check my phone to see if Harry's texted. I feel nervous even though I like how I look right now.

"TAYLOR, HARRY IS HERE!" I hear my mom shout from downstairs. Before, I walk out my room. I look into my mirror again and my heart's fluttering. I can't explain this feeling. When I'm downstairs, I look at mom and she only smiles to me. I don't know if I'm even looking that good but I know I look different. With my hair, my dress and my red lips.

////////////////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\/////////////////////////
homecoming next few chapters!!!! :)