(ATLANTIS) - haylor au

chapter forty one

(taylor)

All the days have become sort of mushed up together. Harry and I have made our own usuals. After treacherous hours of studying, we always find our way into his room where he plays his music in the background while I find myself comfortable; resting my head in his lap. Sometimes it's the other way around but still; it's our usual. 

Sometimes I wonder what'll come to be of us. Life isn't just happiness. I can deal with the stress of studying; it's hard but it's not devastating. Sometimes I feel like I'm waiting for the next fuck-up of my life. I can't be happy yet. 

"Harry, you haven't told me where you're applying to yet?" I ask, pulling myself away from him. 

Despite everything, Harry hasn't been entirely open about college since losing his scholarship. I want everything to be good for him. But I just know that it's going to be difficult for him accept less than what he'd been going for. 

"I," Harry pauses and looks away from me. Our faces are inches apart; I can see his face twisting even as he's turned away. 

For a second, I almost buy the act he's putting on. Smacking his shoulder, I laugh. "That's not funny!"

There's a soft chuckle that escapes his mouth as he turns to me. "I've thought about it. Nothing's set in stone, Tay. You know that." He gives me a small smile; shrugging his shoulder slightly. I know what he means. His scholarship. 

"Tell me what you've been thinking." I say sheepishly; putting my arms around him. 

"Maybe something in film."He finally lets the words come out his mouth and I can see that he's been holding onto the secret for a while. There's a look of relief that washes over his face and smile wider at him.

"All UC schools are great for that! Harry, you should definitely apply." I can practically him at an UC school already. There's no way he'd not get in.

"So is New York." He says slowly, meeting my eyes. This makes me taken aback as the words settle for me. 

"California is where the industry is." I'm speaking slowly; meeting his gaze with the same intensity as him to me before. "You have the grades. You take AP classes that would look great for film, Harry." 

"I'm just saying NYU is a choice too." 

"Because I'm going or because you actually think it is?" I'm annoyed now. How could Harry base such a huge decision simple because I have gotten my early acceptance there. His dreams are his. 

"Because I want to go and because I get to be with you." His face is all scrunched up and he's looking at me like I'm the ridiculous one. 

"What are you? 5?" I can't hide my annoyance now. Before I even realise, I'm getting up to leave; gathering all my things. It's a blur but I can hear Harry's voice in the background. I can't stay because it's going to erupt into a bigger fight. I have to leave before it gets to that. 

//

The ride home's a blur too. I'm fuming still. How can someone like Harry who'd had such bigs dreams about his soccer scholarship, suddenly resort to deciding New York is where he should go? I'm not going to let Harry settle for less just to keep the two of us together. How hard could a long-distance relationship even be? This relationship is the last thing Harry and I should be thinking about when it comes to picking our universities though. 

Still angry, I slam the door. Unaware that mom's already home, she spooks me when I get to the kitchen. She's got that 'what's wrong' look. At least her mom instincts haven't completely vanished despite her career being her new priority, I shake my head in response to her look. 

"Well, I know you don't just slam the door for fun. Especially, like that." 

Before my better judgement, I blurt out. "Harry wants to go to New York because of me." 

I meet her eyes for a few seconds and he face looks confused. But I'm still fuming and I can only feel my own anger but it's dissipating as mom's silences eats at me. "What?' I finally say, meeting her eyes again.

"And why does that make you make so angry?"

"That's so, lame." I roll my eyes. "Don't you think that's just such a big step?" Maybe I'm the one overreacting because mom's totally unfazed. 

"I think that's really sweet of Harry. That he thinks that much of you two." Mom's smiling sweetly at me and I feel myself getting less angry at Harry; the entire situation. "I hope you didn't give Harry an earful, especially with that angry you just came in here with." She tilts her head at me; an eyebrow raised at me too. 

Staring at her in disbelief, I shake my head slightly; regretting my anger just a bit. It's the rush out of Harry's room that's making me feel guilty.