More Than Just Butterflies

Gone

North's POV

13 hours and a bottle of whisky later... I finish the crib. It's small and smooth from the wood and it's perfect. I'll have to have Gabriel put some designs on it and alittle bit of color but other than that it's perfect.

I shake out my numb hands and drop the sander with a clang. I stand back and smile softly as I picture a sleeping baby.

My sleeping baby. Sangs hair, my eyes or maybe my hair Sangs eyes. I run my fingers softly over it and smile.

"It's perfect." A voice surprises me from behind. I turn around to see Sang with her arms wrapped around her small rounded belly, just big enough to notice.

I turn around fully and walk towards her. Her beautiful green eyes still haven't met mine yet and I can tell she's fighting with herself about being here. I can understand that to a point. I'm fighting with myself at the moment. Fighting with myself on whether or not I should get on my knees and beg, beg for forgiveness. Beg to be taken back.

She watches me warily while I walk towards her. When I get right in front over her, close enough that she has to crane her neck to see me. I drop, drop to my knees and hug her stomach to my face. Her hands drop to my head and her slim fingers clung in my hair. My nose nuzzles her stomach trying hard to think of something poetic, something flowery to say to her. Something to help in the process of her maybe forgiving me.

"I want to help." She whispers quietly. I shake my head at her way of trying to ignore what's going on. During the thirteen hours in the shop, I was able to think... well think less about myself and more about what I could have done to stop this. Stop Sang's pain, keep myself from hurting her like this.

And I realized, not for the first time, that I am an idiot. I've been realizing just how stupid I really am in the last couple of months.

" I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry Sang." I whisper gruffly. My voice cracks so I clear my throat. I grab one of the hand on my head and hold it against my cheek. I look up at her and sit back on my heels, my head comes to her stomach and I naw my lip.

"I don't think I'll be able to forgive you North." She whispers quietly still staring at the crib.

"I know." I nod and kiss the palm of her hand. She looks down at me with anger still in her eyes, but sadness over shadows it.

"I don't want to raise a baby around us always fighting like this North. I won't do that to our child." She tells me with a protectiveness edging into her voice.

I nod, my mind bringing up an image of my father. I don't want to raise a kid around fighting either. I don't want to raise a kid around drinking, fighting, anything that might make this kid turn out like me.

"I don't want to sound cliche Sang baby. But I will be better, I know that usually when someone says this they don't mean it, they are usually cowardly." I swallow still thinking of my biological father. I take a deep breath and stand up still holding onto her hand.

I lean my head down and touch my brow to hers, only letting myself get this close  for what I have to say.

" I won't blame you if you can't forgive me, I won't blame you for a second. But I hope, I'll beg if you want me to, that you'll give me another chance." I feel like I don't even deserve this chance. I see her clench her eyes together and a tear falls.

I sigh thinking I know the answer, my throat closes a little thinking that this is the end. I start to step back but Sang pulls on my hand and opens her eyes.

"I feel like i shouldn't North, what you did is..." she shakes her head and bites her lip. Taking a deep breath she continues, " I wish you would have told me, I would have understood, I would have helped you. Instead you kept it from me and made me feel like crap." I wince but nod, wanting to scream my head off but bite my tongue. She looks me in the eyes, her green meeting my brown. Mesmerizing.

"I'm not going to forgive you for it because it was wrong. I will give you another chance but I don't know if I can go through this again. You've lied to me a lot." She takes a deep breath and brings my hand to her heart. I run my thumb over the soft skin above her shirt.

"I don't like being lied to." My chest hurts and I nod my understanding. I'm so damn happy she's giving me another chance.

"You have the biggest heart in the world Sang." I whisper kissing her forehead. She nods her head and gives me a tremulous smile.

I hug her to me tightly and promise myself that I will try to never betray this trust. She takes a deep breath and puts her arms around my waist hugging me to her.

"I love you Sang."

"I love you too." She tells me.