You & him

25; Vanilla or Chocolete ice cream

That night went by slower than ever, 2 whole days went by without a word from Colton. School was boring, and when I had to sit by Colton in chemistry, we didn't talk. It was like we had broken up, and at this point I didn't know if we had or not.  Ben was quiet, he would give me a hesitant smile every once and a while, but he hadn't been over since that morning. I tried hard not to read too much into his absence, but I couldn't help but wonder if he was mad at me too.  And still, the statement still haunted me every time I closed my eyes. Me or him, is what Colton had said right before he left.

Choosing between my best friend and my crush since pre-k wasn't something I was prepared to do. I didn't want to have to do that, I wanted both of them. I loved them both.

I was laying in bed that night, tears silently running down my cheeks. I texted Ben hours ago, asking him to come over for one of our criminal minds episodes. But, he never answered. I sat there pondering why he was mad, why he had left. Maybe it was because he was in a awkward situation? Maybe he found it weird that Colton accused me of having sex with my best friend? What could it possibly be, what could've made him so worked up.

I let out a deep sigh and looked out my window, hoping and looking for answers. Unfortunately, it wasn't the answer I was hoping for. Ben's window was shut and Reagan's car was parked in the driveway. I don't even know what happened, but all of a sudden the tears started to fall harder, jealousy bubbling up in my soul all at once. I knew what he was doing to her, I knew how good he was making her feel and suddenly I wished he was doing that to me.

I shook my head, ashamed of what I was thinking - but the thought only returned. Damn me. I shouldn't be thinking this about my best friend, I shouldn't, but there was nothing I could do to keep the thoughts away.

I had to go see Colton.

I drove to his house instantly, probably going over the speed limit as I drove. But I couldn't control my foot as it pressed on the gas harder, more eager to get him back. It was a weird feeling, loving two people. I'm not sure what happened, but all of sudden I faced the realization that I loved Ben. I loved him so much, and it was so weird to love someone when you don't know what type of love it is.

When I pulled into Colton's driveway I hesitated before walking up to the door and knocking, expecting Colton to answer. But it wasn't Colton who retrieved the door, it was his mom.

"Hey Mrs Briggs" I said, quickly wiping away any tear residue. She smiled and looked at me heartwarmingly. "Is Colton home?" I asked, hope building up inside of me.

     "Yeah, of course. He's in his room" She said politely before moving a side for me to pass. I went up to his room, afraid for what he might say, and afraid that this won't go as I planned. Walking up to his room I stopped at the closed door and knocked, my breathing picking up pace.  He answered.

   "Oh. Hey Elizabeth" He said, while opening the door wider. I walked in as he retreated to his bed, laying down with his phone in his hand.

     "Colton... I - I miss you" I chocked out, trying to put into words how I really felt.

"Elizabeth... I really want to believe you. I really do, but for some reason that seems insanely complicated right now. I'm sorry" Colton said, and for a moment I swear I saw a tear fall from his eye. Of maybe I just imagined it, hoping that he was just as sad as I was - that he understood that I didn't sleep with Ben.

       "Colton I swear, I like you so much and I want you to know that. I want you to trust me. I miss us" I said, walking over to him as he sat on the bed. At this point it felt like I was grasping for thin air, to only have it slip right through my fingers. The feeling was unbearable.