You & him

38: One day

In a perfect world, Ben and I would've grown old together. We would've had a family of our own and experienced ups and downs that marriages should have.

That would've been a perfect world

After Ben's death I grew in a state of depression, and that continued through college. I can say that those few years were the toughest for me, learning how to deal with a death I wasn't prepared for.

College wasn't my proudest years, but I still graduated and managed to continue on with the life I was destined to live.

For the longest time I was mad at God for taking him from me, for letting Colton live and removing the one person that meant the most, away from me.

I was mad at him

But I realized (after I graduated college) that maybe it was destined to be this way. I mean, maybe all love stories aren't supposed to end happy? Maybe God has bigger plans for me that I just couldn't see.

Colton tried talking to me, to make things better. Truth is, I still kind of blame him for Ben's death. But I'm no longer mad.

My anger hurts nobody but me, and I wouldn't let that tear me down too.

I'm not sure what happened to Colton after I last spoke to him, he tried to talk to me and ask for forgiveness. I told him I forgave him, but truth was, I don't think I ever will.

He left town after that, and I haven't seen him sense.

I had never kissed anyone for 6 years afterward Ben died, not because I didn't have any guys after me, but because I was too attached to one person I couldn't have.

And then I met Landon Kingsley.

At first, times were tough

I was sure that I couldn't possibly move on, that every time I kissed him I was betraying my boyfriend.

But I thought that even if Ben is jealous in heaven, I'm sure he would want me to be happy. I'm almost positive that this is what he would want.

So 2 years later, Landon and I got married.

I loved him

I truly did, but there was still a piece missing from me that would never be able to be full again.  That was just a part of life now.

We had 3 kids, and my first born son was named Benedict Kingsley.

To this day I still wonder why God removes good people from this earth so young and I only have one answer.

Maybe they weren't meant to stay here forever, maybe they were meant to change lives in a short amount of time. Maybe that their time here on earth was the biggest blessing to the people they touched. Maybe Ben was here to change the lives he influenced, like mine. In some other life, maybe he was my guardian angel.

Now I'm just being silly

But it's not really, maybe it's okay that he passed. It's not easy, but maybe that was just the way things had to be.

I'll see him in heaven

One day I'll be united with Benedict Marshall, my best friend.

One day

          ^*^*^*^

guys, it's absolutely broke my heart to kill off Ben (who was also the love of my life) but I think Death is such a hard thing to cope with that sometimes it helps to write about it, to see that there's more than just living. Idk, but I appreciate you guys staying with me and reading this. It is finally complete and I really hope you enjoyed. :)