Jump (Dear Evan Hansen)

Dinner With the Murphys

Mom follows the Murphys into their house, and I uncomfortably shuffle behind. I went in my mom's car for the ride here, so I didn't get to sit with Zoe. I just hope she saves me a seat at the table.

"We have to cook, so why don't you kids go upstairs. Heidi, Larry and I can show you to the living room if you'd like."

"If you need any help with cooking, let me know. You were so kind to invite us over here, right Evan."

All focus shifts to me, and I give a small nod to the stair railing. Connor, Zoe and I head up the stairs. Connor heads into his room and looks back at us first.

"Don't even think about coming in here," he says and shuts the door.

Zoe and I stand in silence. I shift my weight and look around. I take in everything, while managing to dodge Zoe's kind eyes.

"You can come into my room, if you want."

"Uh... yeah... I mean okay."

We head down the hall and Zoe leads me into her room. It's simple. I love it, and I can't believe I'm here, with her. My mind sends a different signal than my awkward body, a much more confident one. She sits on her bed, and motions for me to come sit next to her. Slowly, I attempt to make a smooth transition from the door to the bed, but I'm sure I look like a nervous animal to Zoe.

"I never really thanked you for... for today," she says as I sit down.

"Oh, uh, it was uh... you're welcome," I say, embarrassed at my words.

Awkward silence fills the room. Words always seem to fail me when I'm near her. But why hasn't she just shrugged me off? She's so perfect, and I'm so... not.

"I didn't know my brother had any friends," she says, laughingly.

"Well... I mainly communicate with Connor in school."

"It feels like years ago, but didn't he push you in the hallway this morning?"

I nod silently. Shoot, she's onto you Evan.

After a few minutes of awkward conversing, Mrs. Murphy announces that dinner was ready. We exit Zoe's room and I go to yell through Connor's door but he comes out. I'm slightly grateful he does.

The three of us walk into the kitchen and dining area. Mrs. Murphy is standing over some pots, mom is sitting at the table, and Mr. Murphy is hanging up the phone.

"Connor, don't make any plans for tomorrow afternoon," Mr. Murphy says as he turns around to face the three of us.

"Why?"

"I just booked an appointment at the barber-"

"And I need to come with you? Can't you take mom or something?"

"Well actually, it's for you. I've had-"

"No. I'm not going."

I look from Mr. Murphy, to Connor, to Zoe, and back to Mr. Murphy. Mrs. Murphy has stopped plating the food and has turned to face the situation. I can feel tensions rise in the room, but Mr. Murphy doesn't seem to notice.

"Connor, I've had enough of that hair of yours! For starters, it looks weird, and secondly, you almost got hit by a car because you can't see. And don't even make me mention the stair-"

"I said, I'm not going dad."

"CONNOR MURPHY! WE HAVE GUESTS HERE, AND YOU WILL NOT ORDER ME AROUND."

Mr. Murphy continues to yell, and finally, I understand Connor. I can read the slight tension in his eye. All this time, I've misjudged him. Connor isn't a bully, he is just worried about protecting who he is. A fire rushes through my body, similar to the feeling I got when I pushed Connor out of the way of the car.

"ENOUGH," I yell, and everything goes silent. All five pairs of eyes land on me, and I don't care.

"Just because Connor has long hair doesn't mean he's a freak. I know Connor, I know him more than I thought I did. Connor is afraid! He doesn't know how to protect himself. Connor has finally found a sense of who he is, and he feels insecure because it's about to be ripped from him. His hair is finally helping him open up. Connor was planning to jump in front of that car. Did you even think about that? Did it ever cross your mind that your son might be the tiniest bit insecure? I can't believe I'm saying this, but Connor is afraid of me. He targets me, and he targets anyone in his path because he's nervous, and he's not sure how to handle that."

I'm gasping by the end of my speech. Eyes continue to stare at me in shock. I realize what I just did, and pure amazement flows through me. That was him, confident Evan just made a visit. The same Evan I wish I was. The same Evan who walks up to Zoe and tells her how much he loves her. He exists, and he just stopped by and waved hello.

"I-is that true, Connor," Mrs. Murphy quietly says, "Connor?"

We all turn, and Connor is gone. I dart down the hallway, up the stairs, and to Connor's room. I knock on the door, and there is no response. I fling the door open, and Connor is curled up on the bed, his head buried in a pillow. Muffled sobs escape from his mouth and I slowly shut the door behind me.

"Connor," I whisper.

"Go away," he says through muffled cries.

I creep closer towards the bed and sit down next to his curled up body. Cautiously, I lightly place my hand on his shoulder.

"Connor, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to say-"

He pops up from the pillow, startling me, and wraps around me in a hug. He sobs into my shoulder, and I hug back. For some reason, I feel my eyes begin to swell up and tears roll down my cheeks. I lean into Connor and we messily weep in unison. We sniffle and while our tears until our hug breaks.

"I'm so sorry, Evan. I should have known that you wouldn't hurt me. All along, you were the one person who got me, and I was too busy bullying you to... to... notice," he says as he breaks into tears. I pull him back into a hug and let his tears dampen my shoulder. There is a knock on the door, and in walks Mr. Murphy. I curl my lip into small smile and he smiles back. Slowly, he shuts the door, and I'm happy that Connor doesn't notice the abrupt visitor we just had. Once again, we are alone.

"It's okay, Connor. I'm here for you."

Two friends,
True friends,
On a perfect day.