Jump (Dear Evan Hansen)

Tears

Tears.

Terrible, heartbreaking tears roll down my face, and the pillow I clutch onto consumes them. It's been one week since Connor and I went to the arcade, and I'm spending my Sunday sobbing instead of having the time of my life. I reach above my head and my hand hits the headboard of my bed before locating the soft tree plush that Connor had won me at the arcade. I clutch onto it and them bring my arm back towards my chest, hugging the memento against me like a child.

I'm scared, afraid of the world I am so fond of when I am with Connor. My chest tightens, only making me cry harder. I feel paralyzed, trapped within my world. Feelings run through me that are hard to explain, hard to even face. The event that just occurred plays over and over in my head, like a nightmare that you keep wondering was real or not; but the blood and pain prove that this is reality.

The trees sway peacefully as the sky slowly turns into a lighter tint of blue. I stop in the green grass of the park, and take in the view. "Look, it's the gay kid," a voice says behind me, followed by people laughing. My face goes pale. I'm the gay kid. I stand still, my feet rooted to the ground, unable to turn and face reality. "Hey gay kid," the voice shouts. But how did they know? We didn't tell anyone except...

Jared. But his friends wouldn't beat people up. They are too nerdy to do that.

The arcade. They saw us at the arcade. Whoever they are. They saw us. I hear heavy feet crush the grass behind me. A cold grip grasps my shoulder, and a body turns in front of my to reveal themselves. My eyes widen at the sight of Chase Williams, the captain of the rugby team. I'm slightly thankful that it isn't  the captain of the football team : Jay Drewson. That kid has muscles bigger than Jared's head. The thought of it gives me chills.

"You think we can straighten him out?" Chase asks with a cackle. My fingertips go numb and my legs lose their feeling as five of Chase's friends surround me. A fist flies into my gut as a fire erupts in my stomach. My eyes sting with tears and laughter erupts around me. I grasp onto my stomach and a fist slams into my face and I use one of my hands to grab onto my nose. Somebody kicks me and I fall to the ground in pain, barely able to see the boys walk away, laughing hysterically, due to the tears swelling in my eyes. I get up slowly, my body ailing, and then I run. I run blindly out of the park, and home. Tears slowly roll down my cheeks as I fish for my house key and shove the door open. It slams behind me and I sprint up the stairs, my legs aching with every step. My hand reveals blood coming from my nose as I curl up into a ball on my bed and pull a pillow into me.

"Evan? Evan, honey is everything alright?" My mom asks through the door as I sob. I try to answer her, but just end up curling into the blood soaked pillow more, only muffling my cries. "Evan!" I feel a hand on my shoulder. "What happened? Why is there blood on your pillow?" I lift my head up slowly, revealing my sweaty, tear soaked face with bloody nose. I see my mom's expression change from curious and nervous to overly concerned and freaking out. "Oh my goodness Evan. Let me get tissues." I watch as she runs out of the room, and rushes back with a box, no, two boxes of tissues. She pulls one from the box and places it on my nose. While she does that, she manages to take another tissue and wipe my tears. "Shhh, it's okay Evan. Everyone gets a nose bleed once in a while. It's probably just allergies." My body aches as her response makes me cry harder. It's not allergies. It's much, much worse.

Do I want to tell her? Yes. Should I tell her? Probably? Is it in my best interest to tell her? No. Will she find out? I'd be surprised if she didn't.

Mom places a hand on my knee, causing me to yelp in pain and yank my leg from under her arm. She looks at me with concern and confusion, and then carefully place her fingertips on the end of my pant leg. I try to rip my leg away from her but her grip strengthens. Slowly, she pulls my pant leg up, revealing a large bruise that is still forming. She inaudibly gasps and looks me in the eyes. "Evan," she whispers. "Did Connor..."

"No! He wasn't even there. C-can I have a minute to... uh..." My voice trails off and mom nods. She gets up and slowly exits my room, still looking at me. She closes the door, and it's just me, the silence, and the tree plush. I exhale, and pull the tree close to my heart.

Minutes later, the door reopens. "Mind if I come in?" I lift my head up, my body still in a ball. In the door stands Connor. I look at the bloody pillow and blood and snot filled tissues. I must look like a mess.

"C-Connor," I say, sit up, shove the tissues into a pile, flip the pillow over, and slam the pillow on top of the mound. Connor cracks a smirk, and then starts walking towards the bed. He sits down on the edge of it, and invites me to sit next to him. I scoot over and lean into his side as I watch my feet hover above the floor. Connor wraps his arm around me and I place my head on his shoulder.

"What happened?"

"H-how did you-"

"Your mom. She texted me."

"She texted you? What did she say? Could she tell I got beat up?"

"She said, well, that even though she would have loved to help you and talk you through this, she could tell that, that you needed your boyfriend." The room goes silent as Connor finishes his explanation, and I attempt to comprehend his words. "So, what happened," he asks, except this time it comes out more like a statement than a question. I tell him. I tell him everything. I tell him about Chase Williams calling me "gay kid", and how he grabbed my shoulder, and punched me in the stomach as his friends surrounded me. By the end of my story, my voice is quivering, and Connor is hugging me. The fingers of his right hand explore the back of his hand, and his left hand glides up and down my back. I swing my legs over his and nuzzle into his shoulder.

He's come to get me.
And everything's...
Okay.