Jump (Dear Evan Hansen)

Consequences

"Why is she so mad? I thought you did this all the time," I say through gritted teeth. Connor and I are leaning against the wall outside of the burger place.

"I do. She's just never caught me before."

Beads of sweat grow on my forehead as I bite the corner of my lip. Connor grabs my hand and squeezes it to comfort me. He rubs his thumb over my clammy, sweaty, nervous hand. I watch her talk into the phone with sharp eyes.  She hangs up, and Connor and I detach hands as she turns around to face us.

"Evan, I best call your mother too."

"Oh, um," I say quietly, "you don't need to bother her-"

"I think she'd be very interested in hearing that you skipped school."

"Oh well you see," I say louder, my voice begin to pick up pace, "she's a nurse and she might be in with a patient and she already has a long enough day and then there is her class she is taking and-"

"Evan."

"S-sorry Mrs. Murphy. I-I-I could call her."

Mrs. Murphy sighs and hands me the phone. My shaking hand grasps it, and slowly dials the number. I stare at it for a minute before hitting the call button. The ringing feels like an eternity.

"Hello?"

"Mom," I say, my voice cracking on the first word.

"Oh my goodness, Evan? Are you alright?" I try and get a word out in response but all that comes out is a whimper in fear. The phone becomes sticky from the sweat forming on my hand, and I feel my face redden. "Evan, I need you to tell me your location."

"I-I'm..."

"Okay sweetie I'm going to need you to hang up, and text me your location. I'll call you back when I get it, okay?"

I nod, even though she can't see me, and hang up. I pull out my phone and hand Mrs. Murphy her now sweaty phone. I text my mom the address I'm at and her number lights up my phone.

"Evan, how are you doing?"

"Okay," I lie, my voice cracking on the 'a'.

"Oh, my poor baby. Take deep breaths, okay? I'm getting into my car. I'm going to put you on speaker phone so I can still talk to you. One minute... okay Evan, I'm on my way." I nod, again. She still can't see me though, but I have a feeling she can sense what I'm doing. I continue to hold the phone, my hand shaking. Just the hum of my mom's car is calming enough. I'd usually be in Connor's arms sobbing, but his mom is here, and I can't cave in or show any affection for Connor. If my mom was at all mad, I would have lost it a long time ago; but thankfully, I think she is trying to build a relationship with her son. I dart my eyes around the open space, and spot Mrs. Murphy whisper shouting to Connor, and then continuously darting her eyes towards me, probably either making sure that I am not a) passing out or b) running away. After what feels like 3 hours, a car I recognize as my mom's comes pulling in. By now I have slid down the wall, and are sitting. I hit 'end call' and slump my head into my knees, as tears begin to sting my eyes. "Evan!" I look up, and see my mom kneeling down next to me. I sniffle, and she wraps her arms around my curled up body. She pulls me close to her, and it becomes harder to fight back tears. "Here, let's go home, okay?" I lift my head up, and the world is a blur from the stinging tears in my eyes. I give the slightest nod, and she does her best to help me up. When I arrive at the car, I climb in and slam the door to the passenger side. I open the window a crack to let some air into the compact space, and take a deep breath.

"Heidi," a voice says outside of the car. I look up and notice that Mrs. Murphy approached my mom outside of the car. I open the window more to hear what she is saying.

"Cynthia, hello! What are you doing here?"

"Heidi... I believe Evan might be playing the 'sympathy card' because he doesn't want to get in trouble."

"She doesn't have the faintest idea," I mumble to myself with wide eyes as I shake my head.

"Sympathy card? Cynthia, Evan suffers from sever SA."

"SA?"

"Social anxiety," she says, becoming defensive. "I think I best go take care of my son now, Cynthia." She turns toward the car and I close my window. Once inside, she asks, "how are you doing, buddy?" My mom gently places her hand on my knee. I say nothing, and she starts to drive. Connor is standing, helpless, as his mother goes back, probably to yell at him.

And that's when I loose it.

Sobs escape my quivering lips and all of the tears I tried to hide come pouring out. I slump forward, and cover my face with my hands. "I'm sorry, mom," I say through deep sobs, "I'm sorry." I feel her hand rub my back, only making me cry harder.

"Shhh... it's okay. Don't be sorry. Look, we're home," she says as the car comes to a stop. I look up and see that she has come around to open my door. I wipe tears from my face and she leans over me to unbuckle my seatbelt. Gently, she assists me in getting out of the car, and we walk inside. "Here, come sit on the couch, Evan." I walk over to the couch and sit in the corner, curling my knees into my chest. Mom comes and sits next to me, and attempts to remove my tense legs from a curled ball. I accept. She places them over her lap and reaches her arms out to pull my upper body closer to her. I lean into her and sniffle as she cradles me in her arms. She gently rocks me and I curl up into her more.

"I'm so stupid, mom," I mumble.

"No you aren't, don't say that," she says calmly as she continues to rock me in her arms.

"If I had just gone to class in the first place instead of letting Connor convince me to skip my last class, I wouldn't be in this mess."

"Well, you obviously learned from your mistake, Evan. That's all that matters."

"But Connor-"

"Don't worry about him. Just take a day to take care of yourself."

But I can't help but worry about him.

He's my best friend.

My boyfriend.