Jump (Dear Evan Hansen)

Wishes

"Boys, it's dinner time," Mrs. Murphy calls from the bottom of the stairs.

"Okay," we sing in unison. The 'plan' was for Connor and I to announce our romance over dinner tonight, masked by, "can Evan come over tonight for a sleepover?"

"Ready?" Connor asks as he grabs my shoulders and looks into my eyes.

"Ready," I say with more confidence than I knew I would have if we actually go through with this. Connor pulls me into an unexpected hug. It's strong. He's ready. I just hope I don't let him down.

Slowly, I walk down the stairs. Connor turns around and tells me to stop acting weird, which of course makes me more self conscious about how I'm acting. When we reach the bottom of the stairs, Connor grabs me and faces me towards him. He gives me his undivided attention, and I attempt to give him mine.

"Evan, we can do this. Please, if anyone should be nervous, it should be me," he says with a light laugh. "Step into the sun, buddy. Think of me as your sun screen. You aren't going to get burned."

Connor turns me so that I am facing forward again and he places his arm around my waist, giving me a quick side hug, releasing, and walking forward. Step into the sun. You aren't going to get burned. I nod to myself and follow in Connor's footsteps. Deep breaths of air enter my nose and exit my lips. The two of us arrive at the dinner table, where I almost blurt out Connor and I are secret lovers I'm so sorry for any inconvenience. But I don't. Thankfully.

"Connor," Zoe mumbles after a few minutes of nibbling on the various foods on my plate. "What do you want for your birthday this year? A bong?"

"Zoe," her mother snaps. Mr. Murphy rolls his eyes, and takes a bite of his food. Just as Mr. Murphy raises a glass of water to his lips, Connor makes his birthday wish.

"Acceptance."

I feel my eyes bulge. Mr. Murphy coughs, almost chocking on his water. Mrs. Murphy stares at Connor with the fork hanging right outside of her mouth. Zoe drops her fork onto her plate, her mouth open in shock.

"W-what?" Mr. Murphy asks.

"All I want this year is acceptance. I finally feel like I belong somewheres and I want my family to accept who I am.

Ohmygodohmygodohmygod here we go.

"Mom, dad," Connor says confidently. He pauses and grabs my wrist, pulling it into the air and causing me to stand up. He holds it high above our heads, causing me to stand on my tippy toes.

Wow Evan this is really truly happening.

"Evan and I are dating," he says triumphantly as he moves his hand from my wrist to my hand, holding it with pride. The family stares at us, beholding even more shock than before. Mr. Murphy turns white and Mrs. Murphy's fork unites with the floor. Zoe mutters out a "wow", but nothing else. Connor slowly lowers our hands, but holds on. He faces me, and grabs my other hand.

"Evan Hansen, you have helped me find who I truly am. I cannot thank you enough. Even if you think that you're awkward or unconfident sometimes, you've made me overly confident. You're flawless; other people just can't see that. Thank you for helping me see the light, Evan. Thank you for saving me."

And with that, Connor Murphy slowly leans in, and kisses me. He kisses me on the lips. He kisses me in front of his mom, the person he needs to understand him. He kisses me in front of his dad, the person who almost stopped him from becoming himself. He kisses me in front of his sister, the person who I thought was my soulmate.

But I suppose we can't trust our own impressions of others sometimes. Or others impressions. Jared was wrong about Connor, he's no freak. I was wrong about Connor, the only reason I was scared was because he was too.

He releases his lips from mine, and the first thing I notice is Zoe giving me a smirk and a thumbs up. She believes in us. Next, I notice Mrs. Murphy wiping tears from her eyes as she smiles at me, at us. She believes in us. Then, I look at Mr. Murphy, who appears expressionless. A look of hope appears on my face. Mr. Murphy meets my eyes, and gives a small nod. He believes in us.

We did it.

I jump into Connor's arms and he spins me around, my feet not touching the ground. I feel as if I'm floating, as if I could fly all day. I'm soaring through the sky; above the people who ignore or stare at me, above the trees that almost defeated me, above the clouds that block the sun. Because I, Evan Hansen, have stepped into the sun.

And I have the best sunscreen someone could ever ask for.