Jump (Dear Evan Hansen)

The Talk

"Hey sweetie," mom says as her lips peck my forehead.

"Hi mom."

"So... how was your friend. Actually, if you don't mind me asking, who is your friend? I'd love to hear all about them."

"Oh you will," I mumble under my breath. She glances at me but doesn't bother attempting to decipher what I said. "Um," I now talk clearer, "that's actually what I wanted to talk about. My uh, my friend."

"Oh, is there a, a problem? Because Evan honey you know you don't have to help-"

"NO," I shout. "Sorry," I say quietly. She just comes closer to me and wraps her arm around my shoulders.

"Why don't we go into the living room, and maybe sit on the couch." I nod, and she guides me there, her arm not leaving my shoulders. She sits down, and I sit on the opposite side of the couch, causing her to invite me to sit closer to her, of course. Slowly, I scoot closer, and my mom continues to grin. "So what's up?" I go to open my mouth, but I freeze, and stare into my lap. This is it. I know Connor and I did it in front of his parents, and although they seemed like the less accepting type, I know my life will change after this one minute. Two little words, and my world could turn upside down. Step into the sun. You aren't going to get burned.

"Mom-"

She looks at me, giving me her full attention. She's still smiling, overly content with the fact that her son is sitting down and wanting to talk to her. That she doesn't have to force a "Taco Tuesday" on him or barge in on him in his bedroom to pester him for just a few words. That her quiet, anxious son that always keeps to himself is willing to talk to his mom. And now, that son might ruin it all.

"That friend who I was helping, it was Connor Murphy. The kid who I pushed out of the way of the car, and..."

She continues to listen with wide, caring eyes. She's willing to reach out and help me, and I continue to cower away. She's practically screaming out to help me.

"He's not my friend, though, you see..."

Look at me. Stupid me. I'm finally reaching out to her, and after all these years, I still can't find what to say. And even if I do say it, she could run away, but she won't. She loves you Evan.

"He's more than that. I mean..."

I wave my arms through the air as I do my best to finally open up to my mom. The woman who works like crazy to protect and help me. The woman who I look away from. The woman who I need to appreciate more.

"I'm gay."

She looks at me. She doesn't say anything, although she looks like she's going to. She just looks at me. And then she moves towards me, wraps her arms around me, hugging me, and pulls me close. I rest my head in her right shoulder, and I feel her arm inch up my back and her hand gently brush through my hair. I feel her shoulders lightly bounce and small sniffles, but they aren't mine.

"M-mom," I say softly, "are you crying?"

She pulls me away from her, revealing her face which is painted by trails of tears. She nods.

"I... I'm just so proud and happy for you," she says in between sniffles, and then pulls me back into a hug, continuing to run her hand through the hair lining the back of my head. She's proud. She's happy. We did it. I did it.

"Mom?"

"Yes?" She says as our hug breaks once again. Her hands connecting to my shoulders after she wipes tears away from her eyes.

"Why are you... p-proud of me?"

"Because, you're being yourself, Evan. And you're willing to share that with the world, which is a great skill to have, and a hard one to obtain."

As she speaks, tears begin to well up in my eyes as well. I accept them, and let them roll down my cheeks. Mom smiles as her gentle hands cradle my face and her thumbs wipe away my flowing tears. Once they are mostly gone, even though my eyes continue to well up, she continues to cradle my face, and explore my eyes. Her right thumb rubs my cheek in a gentile circle motion, and I just look back into her eyes, not minding at all. Her face is kind, calming, sweet. Connor's words from earlier run through my head. However if she does happen to be okay with us being together which she probably will be, your mom is a lovely person.

"Um, mom, could I just text Connor quickly, let him know that our mission's accomplished."

"Of course," she replies softly, removing her hands from my face. I smile, roll off of the couch, making her laugh, and then make my way to my bag.

E: My lovely mom says hi : )

C: OMG YOU DID IT!!!!! IM SO PROUD OF YOU EV!!!!!!

E: <3

C: MY MOM ACTUALLY JUST CAME INTO MY ROOM TO MAKE SURE I WAS OKAY BECAUSE MY JUMPING IS VERY LOUD

E: haha, see you tomorrow?

C: sounds like a date <3

I grin at the simple words on my phone, and the heart next to them. I screenshot the conversation, it's one I'll want to keep for forever. I slip the phone back into my bag, and then walk back into the living room. "He's pretty happy," I say with a laugh. My mom stands up, and pulls me back into her arms. I hug back, and her arms comfort me as they glide up and down my back. I let myself rest in her hold, and I close my eyes.

We could be alright for forever this way.