Now (AmazingPhil X Reader)

Chapter 7

"Breath. Just breath." You whisper to yourself in the bathroom stall.

You feel the walls closing in on you and the room spiralling out of control.
You desperately cling onto reality, using a technique you've read about called 'grounding', which is meant to calm you down when you're having a panic attack.
"Okay... I see a ceiling. A floor. A door. A toilet, and a light." You look around the room.
"And I... I can feel... My fucking sore heels. My clothes. The toilet, and the wall." You whisper, feeling the things as you say it. "And I can hear... my breathing, people eating and... uh..." You begin to tap a tune on the wall. "And my tapping. Okay. I can taste uh... spit and... still some wine. I can smell... piss."

"N/N? You in here?" You hear the door open and your mother's voice.

"Y-Yeah." You stutter.

"What's wrong? Are you coming back out soon?"

"I-Uh... There might have been something in my food. I'm just... being... sick... yeah. I'm just throwing up all over the place. I don't think I'll be ready to come out any time soon."

"Okay... Well, we're about to leave..."

"Just... Go without me. I'll meet you back home."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Don't worry about me, the house is just down the street.

"Okay... I'll see you home."

"Bye bye."

You sigh and do the classic slide down the wall into a ball after your mother leaves again.

You try to hold back tears, but it doesn't work very well.

You look down at your phone in your hand.

Y/N:
Phil help me.

Phil:
With what?

Y/N:
I can't do this.

Phil:
Do what?

Y/N:
I can't. I fucking can't.

Phil:
Where are you?

Y/N:
Some lobster restaurant on my street.

Phil:
Meet me at the bottom of your street in 5.

Y/N:
K.

Phil:
Don't 'k' me!

Y/N:
I'll 'k' you if I wanna 'k' you! I'll see you in 5

Phil:
K.

You switch off your phone and jump up onto your feet.
You walk out the stall and poke your head out of the bathroom, making sure the people you came with have now left, which they have.

You walk out of the restaurant and take the five or so minute walk down to the very bottom of the stretched out cobblestone street, occasionally glancing up at the pricey mansions and restaurants.

You begin to think about the wedding again, causing your feet to non-consensually speed up, quickly turning into a speed walk, then a slight jog, then to a sprint where you collapse into Phil's arms as soon as you reach him, bursting into tears.

"What's wrong? What happened?" He asks, sitting down on a bench with you still crying in his shoulder.

"Everybody wants me to marry Darren but I don't." You tell him while sobbing.

"It's okay, it's okay..." Phil gently strokes the back of your head.

"How do you know? How do I calm down? Help." Your voice is muffled as you refuse to remove your face from Phil's shoulder.

"Come with me."

...............................................................

You and Phil are sitting on an old tree house at the edge of the forest.

Well, I say 'tree house', but it's actually just a wooden floor with a blanket in a tree.
No walls, no ceiling, just some planks of wood, a ladder and a picnic blanket.

This tree is on the complete other side of the woods you would usually be in.
It stands at the top of a hill and looks down onto the many, many illuminated streets, and on what a gorgeous sight it is. At least, that's what you'd be thinking if you could stop look at the even better sight that is Phil Lester.
You love the way the lights of the city and the moon reflect upon his pearly blue eyes.
You love the way his tongue occasionally peeks out between his teeth when he shows his perfect laugh.
You love the way he smiles.
You love the way he gets excited over talking about some of the most pointless things.
You love the way he asks some of the weirdest questions, and the way he answers some of your weirdest questions.
You love the way-

"Y/N? You alright?" Phil waves he hand in your face.

"Oh-Um-Yeah."

"Okay, it was just that you hadn't said anything in a while."

"Yeah..." You sigh and look over at the lit up city, which really is a sight to behold. "Hey Phil?" You keep your eyes on the lights as you speak. "What if I don't want to marry Darren?"

"Then don't." Phil tells you.

"I can't just not do it."

"Sure you can."

"I can't."

"Look, you don't like this guy, do you?"

"No."

"And you don't want to be married to him, do you?"

"No."

"Then don't marry him."

"My mother wouldn't let me do that."

"Your mother doesn't control you."

"It's not who she wants me to be."

"Never mind who she wants you to be. Who do you want you to be?"

"That doesn't matter. I can't be that person."

"Of course you can. Y/N, you can be whoever you want to be. Did your parents never teach you that?"

"No. They said that I'll be who they say I am."

"And who do they say you are?"

"A girl who will wear dresses, wear jewellery, be rich and stay rich by following the plan."

"Life doesn't always need to go by 'the plan'"

Life doesn't always need to go by the plan?