Rough Waters |Sirius Black

Chapter Eighty Eight

Molly had invited Nixie to the Burrow one morning for some breakfast, also inviting Tonks, who appeared to be an absolute mess when Nixie arrived finally. Nixie figured that she was going to look like the mess because she didn't want to get out of bed, but Tonks looked quite miserable sitting at the Weasley kitchen table. Now the woman felt terrible for telling Andromeda that her daughter was doing just fine over dinner when Tonks never looked worse. Taking a seat next to the younger woman, Nixie gave her a small grin, trying to cheer her up, but it didn't seem to work much. 

"Hello, Nixie, how are you today?" Tonks asked in a soft voice, versus her usual vibrant voice. Even her hair wasn't vibrant, falling back to a dull mousy brown color, instead of the bright pink.  She didn't answer Tonks right away as she looked over at Molly, but the Weasley woman gave her an encouraging nod, motioning her to say something.

When it came to comforting talks, though, Nixie would not consider herself an expert by any means.

"I-I-I'm doing fine, how are you doing?" Nixie questioned. "Doing okay?"

"Oh yeah, me? I'm fine," Tonks nodded. "Did you hear? Anora and Charlie named me the godmother of their little one."

"Yes, you told me that last week when they told you," Nixie informed her, while Molly clapped her hand over her face. Apparently, it probably wasn't the best idea for Nixie to comfort Tonks as the woman was pretty straight-forward with her responses, rather than sugar-coating them for the time being.

"Oh, right," Tonks said looking down at her hands. "Must have slipped my mind. There's been a lot going on with the Order, you know? Trying to figure out what's been happening with all the attacks on Dumbledore and...and...and..."

"Remus?"

Tonks' head dropped down to the table, nearly spilling the cup of tea that was placed out for her by Molly. The loud thud caused the other two women to flinch, while Tonks remained still.  Suddenly, she turned her head to look at Nixie.

"You're one of his best friends...what do you think it is? Do you think it's really just the age difference or is it something else? I don't know how to make it any more clear and I swear, there are days where I think he feels the same way about me, but then he completely changes it the next day. Does he say anything about me to you or to Sirius, maybe?"

Nixie made a mental note that the next time she saw Remus, she was going to give him a swift kick in the shin for placing her in the situation, to begin with, and for putting Tonks through a storm of emotions. But she couldn't deny that she understood Remus' reasoning behind the whole matter. It took so long for him to be comfortable making friends and he still feared hurting them whenever he had a full moon transformation. Then it came down to Ellie, where he had nearly worked himself into a panic, believing that she would probably end up with some recessive traits because of him.

His whole life had revolved around his "monthlies" and while Tonks was very supportive, no one could say that they knew what Remus went through. Only he knew how he felt and it was obvious that he just wasn't fully comfortable with the idea of having a relationship. He used the age gap as the main excuse because he didn't want to bring up the lycanthropy in a discussion. 

"Tonks," Nixie began in a calm voice, " it is not a matter of what he thinks about you. I reassure you that he thinks you're amazing and he's had nothing but nice things to say about you. The problem is not you, it's a problem that he has been facing from the time that he was four years old. He's afraid of himself, he's afraid of hurting the people around him, especially ones that he cares for. No matter how much control he is in, in the back of his mind, there is always a possibility where a mistake will occur and he'll end up hurting someone. If that were to happen, he would never be able to forgive himself. He's not ready to take that risk-"

"But I am!" Tonks said pointing to herself. "Does that not mean anything? I don't care about any of that. I...It doesn't matter to me, I want to be there for him.  I want him to know that, to at least acknowledge it!"

"I can't force him to do anything, Tonks and neither can you. This is something that he will have to come to on his own terms and I think he will, eventually. Love at some point will become complicated, whether it's in the beginning, the middle, or near the end. But if it's meant to be, it will be, you just have to stay strong and fight. I mean, Sirius and I have had to battle to be together for so long...back when were just kids."

"What do you mean? I doubt Sirius fought the idea of being with you," Tonks scoffed.

"No, he didn't but his mother certainly did...hell, none of his family supported us, except for your mother and Sirius' uncle. His mother could not stand me, even though I had done nothing to the woman beside exist. She hated me before we even said a word to each other."

Molly glanced over her shoulder at the two women, but they didn't notice the guilty expression on her face as she continued to listen.

"There was nothing I could do that could make Walburga like me because she made up her mind before she met me."

"With a name like that, do you really care if she likes you?" Tonks snorted. " I don't even think she liked herself with that name."

"Did you all have a nice women's day to yourselves?" Sirius asked when Nixie returned home early evening.

"Do you have to call it that? I just went over to the Burrow...Arthur came in at one point...Bill showed up...I mean, it wasn't like there were only women present. And it wasn't exactly pleasant in the beginning. Remind me the next time I see Remus to kick him..."

"And where do you want to kick him?"

"In the shin."

"And why? Just so I can keep a better mental note for you," Sirius grinned. 

"Because he's driving Tonks up th wall by going back and forth. One moment he likes her, the next he's hiding away. It's confusing her and quite frankly, it's driving everyone else mad."

"Well, it's not entirely his fault, you know his reasonings-"

"Yes, but he's leading her on a lot of the time. He makes it seem like everything will be okay and then he backs out of it. Either he quits or commits, there's no more in between."

"Fair enough, are you going to tell him that?"

"Yes," Nixie replied. "The next time I see him, I'll-"

The conversation was interrupted by a very faint knock on the door that caused the couple to look over at each other. Sirius motioned Nixie to be quiet as he withdrew his wand and Nixie did the same before they both tiptoed towards the door. 

Nixie leaned back and peeked out the window before sighing in relief. "Speaking of the devil, it's Remus."

Sirius lowered his wand before opening the door to let the man in. "At this time of night, Sir, you better have a good reason behind all of this!" Sirius said in a teasing tone as he stood back. However, there was no playful nature in return as Remus walked in, almost appearing as if he was in a drunken stupor. His face was pale and his walking was incredibly slow. 

"Are you going to kick him now?" Sirius whispered to Nixie as she closed the door over and stood beside her husband.

"No, you never kick a person while they're down and if we're being honest...he looks pretty down right now."

Remus walked over and flopped into a chair, muttering to himself under his breath. 

Slowly, Nixie and Sirius approached their friend with concerned looks. "Hey Moony, not that we don't enjoy unannounced visits," Sirius said. "But what's going on? Why are you here?"

Remus said something that neither one of them heard.

"What? What did you say?" Nixie asked, finally bringing Remus to look up at them.

"Ellie's getting married."