sweet as a flower. (Joshler)

🌼 seventeen

A/n: As I was writing this my mom was playing music and Candy shop came on and I'm like "now is not the time ok"

Also I love how in the beginning I promised it'd get happier and here we are lmao

_______

~Day thirty~

"Mom... Please." Josh would've had his hands clasped together in a begging manner if they weren't still wrapped, which was fucking ridiculous, because an entire month? Really?

They told him they still want him to keep the bandages (with the exception of his mother changing them every day) even though he's 99% sure his hands are at least almost completely healed, because he was still showing signs of self violence.

~

The night they came home Josh was too exhausted and his mom was too shaken to even try to shower, to eat, to do anything but just drag their feet to their separate rooms and go to bed for almost two days.

Then one morning his mom came in with a cup of cool water and a handful of vitamins for him, which she helped him get down, before he laid back down and she gently rubbed his back.

"Josh, honey, you know you need a shower." She sighed when her hand was coated in his sweat from his previous nightmare, reliving the moment he looked between Tyler's legs and saw the blood and bruises.

"What about m-my bandages?" He held his hands up and looked down at them in defeat, they were completely numb and cramping because of their lack of movement.

She sighed. "I'll tell you what, I'll replace them with some latex gloves to keep any soap or dirt out of the cuts, okay? I have to tape them there, though, because the doctor said-"

"I-I know what he s-said, mom. T-Thank you though, I feel r-really gross.." He shifted uncomfortably.

She smiled and muttered a 'you're welcome' before she kissed his forehead, because no matter how sweaty, stinky, or dirty, he's still her son.

~

"Josh, I'm sorry, I'm just not sure you're ready yet." She sighed quietly as she pulled her hair back into a ponytail, getting ready for work.

"W-why? Why the fuck am I 'n-not ready'??" He yelled and threw his hands up in frustration.

"Joshua!" She glared, "Watch your mouth! You're still struggling and under obvious stress, if you're capable of going to the hospital maybe you could go to school and bring your damn grades back up!" She left and slammed the door, then angrily got in her car and sped off.

She didn't actually mean it, of course she didn't, she's just.. shes struggling, too.

Josh made a loud noise of protest and threw himself down on the couch, burying his face in his fresh bandages with a huff.

"Fuck this." He stood up and walked to his room, "I'll prove to her I'm feeling well enough to go to the hospital." He struggled to slip on jeans and a jacket, which he wasn't sure how school would work when he couldn't use his hands, but it's worth it if afterwards he could go straight to the hospital. He didn't bother with a shirt or socks, he just slipped on vans. He paused when his eyes instinctively shifted in the direction of a bright color, which turned out to be... it was Tyler's bobs.

He bent over to pick one up and look at it, smiling softly because it was barely the size of his hand. He thought back to the day at the mall when Tyler wore these, how the sides creased up when he stood on the tips of his toes trying to reach a shelf much too high, and he giggled.

Just as fast as it came, the smile faded.

Wait, where is his ring?

He panicked and looked around as he remembered never seeing it after he woke up in the hospital, never seeing Tyler's on his finger, and paused when thought how the hospital must have them. He felt angry that they'd take something so important away, but also thankful that they'd be waiting when Tyler wakes up.

If Tyler wakes up.

He decided against his jacket and looked in his drawer for something else, finding a bright pink one he'd never seen in there before. He took it out and held it up, seeing it was one of Tyler's oversized sweatshirts, and a soft whiff of Tyler's sweet smelling perfume filled his nose.

He pulled it over his head and instantly felt content, it was almost as soft as Tyler's hair on the inside and smelled better than anything he's ever smelled before. He pulled the sleeves over his bandages and held them to his nose, the smell of both Tyler's natural scent and his perfume lingering on it, and it settled in his system like a powerful street drug. It brought tears to his eyes and a lump in his throat.

He couldn't drive, so he decided to just walk, and he made it to the familiar brick building in a short amount of time. When he walked in it was around lunch hour because students were starting to flood into the cafeteria, some of which took a double take at him because for one, he's a well known, newly gay jock who hasn't been to school in weeks, two, he's wearing a bright pink sweater, and three, he looks like a zombie and his hair has faded to a gross greenish color.

"J.. Josh??" He didn't have much time to look over and see who was calling him before four arms tackled him with a violent hug, almost knocking him down to the ground.

"Josh oh my god!" Jenna smiled and hugged him so tight he could barely breathe, and Halsey was hugging him even tighter with a smile on her face as well.

He couldn't help but smile at himself, and struggled to get out a 'i missed you guys too' past his breathlessness.

They let go and briefly apologized, Josh took in a dramatic deep breath, and then the girls lead him to a more private part of the hallway so they didn't have to talk over the ridiculously crowded room.

"Josh it's been weeks, how are you??" Jenna asked him quitetly, "How's Tyler? Have you two been okay? We're so sorry we haven't visited, both of our moms preferred that we stayed away until he's better.."

His face fell and he shifted his weight onto his other foot. They noticed something was off, but waited to say anything further before he explained.

"Tyler um.. he's still in the hospital."

They were quiet for a moment.

"But.. why? Its been a month, is he okay?" Halseys voice shook as she forced the words past the pain in her chest.

Josh gently shook his head.

"Tyler.. he still hasn't woken up."