sweet as a flower. (Joshler)

🌼 nineteen

Look at me, updating twice in three days. I'm on a roll

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"W-what do you mean pull the plug?" Josh asked, suddenly shocked and more worried than before, the fifty three days he has left to pull Tyler from his deep sleep only appearing to be mere seconds. He already knew what the doctor meant, of course he does, but he just needed to know if he had heard him correctly.

"I'm so sorry Mr. Dun," He said with a quieter voice than before, almost like this hurt him too. But it didn't, it couldn't, Josh thought selfishly. Tyler was his to protect and heal, Josh was supposed to hold him and help him take a deep breath, not the ventilator. Josh was supposed to keep his little heart beating, racing with excitement instead of fear, not the defibrillator. He was supposed to help Tyler, but he failed​, and now he has to watch these mechanical machines take his place and possibly fail as well.

"I'll let you sit with him for a while, maybe we can take him to do some more tests and see if he's had any brain activity peaks." He smiled weakly at Josh and left the room, just like that. Josh was left with a million questions and no answers, then he turned to the freshly changed sheets.

He was about to join Tyler at the small blue chair beside his bed, the one that remained empty too often, before the door opened once more.

"Mr. Dun! Just the person I wanted to see," she smiled sweetly, or as sweetly as one can in this situation, and she set her clipboard​ down.

"Oh, hey Dr. Ryan." He offered a forced smile back, but she didn't seem to mind that it wasn't real. It was just nice for her to see him in a better state of mind.

"Oh darlin, call me Debby," she giggled softly, "I'm only a nurse, you give me too much credit."

"Only if you call me Josh, Debby," he said thankfully, because he really did hate the formality of everyone in this building.

"Sounds good to me, Josh." She smiled again, which was contagious enough to make Josh do the same. Like really, genuinely smile. She was such a sweetheart, and if it wasn't for the shiny, proud diamond on her finger, Josh would give her the run for her money.

Which was a joke, of course.

Because Josh was gay. Like everyone now knows, he isn't interested in the opposite sex. Even if he was, he'd always have his eye on Tyler. Tyler was so perfect, he fits​ any man's type (though Josh makes sure they can't​ express it too much), straight or not. He's just too perfect to let go.

"So, you're probably wondering why I've been looking for you,"

Josh nodded quickly, hoping maybe the doctor somehow came up with some good news in the thirty seconds he had been gone.

The news wasn't what he was expecting, but it was still good.

"Your mental evaluation papers came in, you can finally take your bandages off."

Josh sighed happily, because it has been over a month now, and he doesn't even remember what they look like anymore. His hands, that is, because the white, thick fabric of the bandages have become way too familiar.

"Like, now?"

Debby nodded softly and walked over, lifting his hand up and studying the wraps.

"Your mom has been doing a pretty good job keeping up with this," she started happily, but as she remembered something, it faded just as fast as it came. "I saw her out in the hall. Is she doing okay?"

There was a long pause as she started to carefully unwrap his wrist, twisting the soft white.. lace..

Lace...

Lace.

Josh thought back to their time in the mall. How Tyler skipped along the walkway and didn't mind anyone's judgmental stares, he was just off in his own world appreciating the pretty colors and blinky lights surrounding him. He was so happy that day, not because he was benefiting, but because it was spent with Josh.

Josh remembers when Tyler got the zipper caught and he had to help him get it loose, which was one of the funniest things to Josh at the time. It still kind of is. When the skirt fell and Josh caught a glimpse of that black fabric, he felt something twinge inside of him. It wasn't hormones, it wasn't even lust, it was almost.. guilt.

Tyler was so pure, he was such a sweet boy, why did he deserve what was happening to him? What had happened? All he's ever done was try to make everyone happy as best as he could, not realizing it was only emotionally draining him in the process. He just wanted to end hate, end pain, end defeat and replace it with love, but he was just shot down every single time.

"There we go, all finished." She grinned brightly and studied his hands a little, making sure there's no damage that had gone unnoticed under the blood and bruises, and everything seemed well.

"There's still healing bruising and damaged tendons, but it should only be a week of discomfort," she continued, "Otherwise, it's looking good as new."

"Thank you, Debby," Josh bent and unbent his fingers, shaking out the cramps and missing the movement.

"You're more than welcome."

Just on que, the doctor poked his head back in the door.

"Mr. Dun? Do you have a moment?"

Josh looked at Debby, who nodded happily towards the doctor.

"I do,"

"I'll give you two some space," Debby cut in awkwardly and moved past the doctor, taking her clipboard and the stretched bandages with her.

"So, Mr.-"

"Josh." He interrupted, because if he's going to be seeing a lot of these people, he might as well get a little more comfortable. "You can call me Josh, if-if you want."

He nodded softly "well, Josh," he opened the file in his hand rather happily, "I pulled some files from Tyler's brain activity scans to see what's been going on, and I found this."

Josh skimmed the pictures, which there were a ton, seeing squiggly lines and nothing more.

"What does it mean?"

"See here?" He pointed at the first tall peak, "This was the very first day he arrived." He moved his finger to the side a little until it met the next peak, continuing the act across the paper, "This is day eleven, thirty seven, and fifteen minutes ago." They seemed to get just as high each time, and the doctors eyes remained wide and on Josh.

"So.." Josh furrowed his eyebrows trying to understand, but nothing was clicking.

The doctor stepped forward so he would look at him, his face looking as if he made the discovery of a life time.

"Brain activity peaks mean his brain and body are beginning to function together again," he began, "And every single peak has happened when you're in the room, when you're talking," Josh's eyes grew wider when he started to piece it together and understand what he meant.

"Josh," he said breathlessly then looked at Tyler and back at Josh,

"You're what's bringing Tyler back to us."

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Yayaya

I was informed about the catastrophy at the Ariana Grande concert in Manchester while writing this. My heart goes out to everyone who knew and loved the 19 people who were killed, and to the innocent people who were unlawfully taken too early themselves.

Stay strong everyone. ❤

~trash