The Three Struggling Muslimahs

37

From: Hayaty
Hey, she said Khaleed told her he liked her for her deen so she is trying to perfect herself in it. I don't buy it though. She left in a hurry and she figured out you asked. Just a heads up.

He'd read it a thousand and one times. Khawla never got angry but when she did, it wasn't a show any one wanted to attend. Just then, Khawla walked in.

"You lied to her and she knows it!"

"Who!?"

"Really!? You wanna play this that way!?"

"What the Hell were You thinking asking Rayhannah to do your dirty work for you?" Khawla asked shouting.

"Khawla! Language!" Her mom said.

"Do you know what this dush did! He had the guts to ask Rayhannah to ask me why I'm fasting. I'm I committing Zina or engaging in Shirk? What's your problem Muhammad? Can't you mind your own bloody business for once."

"KHAWLA! WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!" Ummu Khawla shouted, "You have a problem with Muhammad, fine. I won't interfere. But you will NOT disobey me in my own house young lady! Okay!?"

"If I didn't know any better I'd say you were in on this too. He's always been your favorite even when he left."

"KHAWLA!"
She didn't wait for her mom to say whatever it was she wanted to say. She ran to her room, threw herself on the bed soaking herself in tears and when she had a knock on the door, she wiped her tears, took a magazine from under her pillow and pretended to be reading.

"Even if I tell you not to come in, it won't stop you."

Muhammad walked into the room.
"What's up with you today!? Why are you being so rude to mom?"

"You are my problem! Why are you messing with me!? What's up with me fasting!? Do you want me to stop?"

"I just wanna know why."

"Khaleed. He likes me for my deen so I'm trying to be a better muslimah."

"Bull crap!"

"Whaaat!? What do you want me to tell you then!? That's the truth."

"No it's not and you know it. And why did you lie to Rayhannah? You should have just told her you didn't wanna tell her in stead."

"I wouldn't have lied if you hadn't gotten her involved."

"Not reason enough!"

"Ya Allah! That's what's truly bugging you isn't it? That I lied to your precious Rayhannah huh!? Well before YOU happened, she was MY best friend. And she was never once went behind my back to find out something and neither did she ever lie to my face when I asked her anything. But guess what she did today. All that! Why!? Because Muhammad Nurein asked her too!"

"Khawla! I'm sorry. But I was worried. And you know this isn't about Rayhannah. Its about you and how you can lie to my face!"

"Baba!"

"What!?"

"Its for baba. The fasting."
Muhammad fell silent. Confused.

"Why didn't you tell me!?"

"Because I was ashamed."
Khawla said as she broke into tears Muhammad didn't understand.

"Why habibty!? How are you ashamed of fasting for baba!?"

"When you left, I changed. I went off the rail. Mama had to deal with me and my behaviour and most of the time I was bad Muhammad. So bad wallahy. I did bad stuff." Muhammad's eyes widened, "I'm sure not that bad, dush head! Anyway, when you started taking part in Islamic conventions at school, it got me thinking. Your good deeds are helping dad in his grave but what I'm I doing other than spoiling everything by acting so wild and uncivilized!? So that's when I decided to change. You can imagine how much time I've wasted."

"It was a Thursday when Rayhannah joined our school and she was crying to her dad about a better school that had just been opened across town when you walked in on them. I can not begin to tell you how proud I was when I saw your hijab. I literally ran to tell Khaleed that my sister is one of the few who actually respect the hijab for what it is and not what they want it to be. You went to her and you asked her to believe in Qadr. And you promised that if she actually tried and didn't like it by the end of the term, you'd help her convince her dad that the other school was better. Khawla, I don't know what your aim is wallahy but I wanna tell you that I'm a thousand and one percent sure that if baba was here, he would definitely be proud of you." Khawla broke down releasing all the guilt she had carried in her heart all those years. Guilt that a girl her age wasn't supposed to have experienced yet.
"I'm not perfect. I fall and I make mistakes but it's what you do at that moment that matters. After you've committed the mistake, what do you do? Continue doing it or do you just stop. Or even better, do you stop and correct it from then on. And for the period I've been with you habibty you've done better than all those choices I've said. You, mama, the triplets and obviously baba are my motivation and it would tear me to shreds if you lost faith in yourself."

"Quite the drama king yourself! Huh!?"

"Khawla I'm trying to tell you what I truly feel, duffo."

"One, duffo is my word. And two, I'm liking this talk. Let's go back to when you say that I'm your motivation."

"Hahahahahaha! You can be such a pain."

"Can be or am!"

"A little bit of both."

"Good."

"Truly though. No more secrets!?"

"A thousand and one percent little one!"

"Don't call me that!"

"Since when did I listen to you?"

"Good point."

"I'm going to mom. Be right back. Ohhh before I forget. Rayhannah knows about Sarah Muhsin."

"What's there to know about .... Khawlaaaaaaaaa! It was a joke!"

"I love you too ..... Little one!"

"Khawlaaaaaaaaaaaa," he shouted as she ran to her mom.

She found her in the kitchen dicing celery.
"Mom, wallahy I .."

"Didn't mean to say all that and you are truly sorry. Its okay love. All I wonder is whether or not you meant those words. Babe listen to me, I love Muhammad and I'm ecstatic that he came back because he is my baby - always has been and always will be. But with you its different. You grew up so fast and you've made me feel like a queen time and time again over the years when you forced me to sleep so that you could cook, or when you helped the triplets with their homework and especially when you started this cooking business that is now my sole source of income. I don't want you thinking I don't value you. Without you, I'd have given up on myself years ago and you are the reason I say Alhamdulillah over and over again. For you are more to me than this world and all it has to offer. I want you to be happy. But hearing that today, I wonder if you'd do all these things again if you had the chance."

With tears streaming down her face, she managed to whisper, "For you yumma, a thousand times over."

Mother and daughter hugged each other as they healed whatever had threatened to break loose.

"Enough hugging," Muhammad said, scaring Khawla for she hadn't noticed his presence.

"Youuuuuuuuu! You scared me!"

"Its what we dushes do!"

"Ya Allah! There is no word like dushes. Don't mess up my words!"

Ummu Khawla went back to dicing the celery as she thought, 'And they are about to go to university!? Help them Allah!'

Author's note:
Assalamu Aleikum Warahmatullahy Wabarakatuh,
x_salwa_x This is for you. For filling my inbox with words I've been dying to hear. I appreciate you. Stay blessed habibty.

On a different note, is it just me or does this book have one too many tears!?