The Three Struggling Muslimahs

47

She knocked on her office door and was beyond delighted when Mrs. Rana jumped up with joy. What she thought of her had always mattered. And at that exact moment of confusion, she needed a familiar face - a smiling one at that.

"Assalamu Aleikum Mrs Rana."

"Waaleikum Salaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam habibty. I miss you so much. How's life? How's the university search going?"

"Madam!" She sighed, "I don't know what to say honestly. Can we go talk at the field? Or in the counselling room? Anywhere but here. Too many people!"

"Yeah sure," Madam Rana was beginning to get scared. Her little girl was evidently in pain. She'd always been really good at hiding her real feelings from her friends but never from her.

"Anha tell me lovely. What's messing you up,"
She began crying. Not the normal tears falling down her cheeks silent kinda crying, no! She was shaking and covering her mouth with scarf to prevent her screams from escaping.

'Ya Allah!' Mrs Rana thought. How would she get her to tell her what was wrong?

"I feel messed up Miss. I don't know how to deal with all that's going on."

"Tell me what's going on."

"You remember Khaleed?" She nodded, "I've liked him for about two years and after High school we began meeting up at Rayhannah's house, totally unplanned wallahy and I actually thought those were signs," she laughed at herself. "I told myself that this was the universe bringing us together. Forgive me, I know I sound foolish but I'm a girl ain't I? Tears have never been my thing. Only times I cried was when a close person passed away or when I was in excruciating physical pain. But Subhanallah the number of nights I've soaked my muswalah in tears because of him are uncountable." She reached out for her handkerchief and wiped her tears away.

"I feel so weak. I should sum up energy to face Allah during swalah time but its when I fall off my horse completely. Nights for me are no longer dedicated to sleep, daily tears, daily struggles and I can't tell anyone at home. Neither can I tell Rayhannah nor can I reach out to Khawla. They have their own problems. Mine shouldn't be added to their list."

Mrs Rana kept quiet for she knew Nusaibah wasn't done talking.

"My house is another place I don't wanna get started on. Baba is rarely in town, mama is always at work so my only moments of happiness are when Fayyaz, my cousin comes home. Children and their innocence calms me. I just want a zone I can get into when I feel like blugh! You get me?"

"A hundred and one percent hayaty. With Khaleed I can't tell you anything other than subra habibty. All those tears you're shedding in the middle of the night, Allah is taking account. Imagine this, your lungs take permission from Him before they incorporate air every single time, your heart needs His 'go-ahead' for it to beat, so what makes you think your tears and duahs are going unnoticed? I have zero idea what He has planned for you but I know its amazing. Don't doubt Him. Ever! Keep on praying. These problems are bring you closer to Allah so say Alhamdulillah."

Forty more minutes passed as Mrs Rana kept on trying to calm Nusaibah down.

"Drop by soon habibty," she said as Nusaibah bid her farewell.

"Will do. Jazakillah Ukhayran Miss."

"Waiyyaki," she kissed her forehead.

Nusaibah decided she would walk home to clear her mind. On her way home, she noticed an orphanage and went in. All the kids came running to her and at that second she knew where her sense of peace came from - kids!