Bleach Father Scenarios

Daddy's a PTA Member

Scenario: Grimmjow has no time for anyone's shit. Then again, when has he ever?
Characters: Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez, Kurosaki Ichigo
(Y/N): Gender Neutral, junior high
Alternate Universe: Everyone's a normal human

Random Chapter Thought(s): Grimmjow is just too much fun to write.
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"Grimmjow-san, you're late!" Yumi shouted as soon as the blue-haired man walked in the meeting room. "There's work to do! We don't have time to wait on you!"

"Piss off and jump in a ditch, Yumi. No one cares about your shit." Grimmjow answered back, pushing pass the blonde woman.

"Excuse me? You do realize how rude and disrespectful you're being for someone who's late, right!?"

"Oh no, I'm all of 10 minutes late to some boring meeting with shit berry-"

"Good to see you too, cat bastard." Ichigo casually calls out, already used to these antics.

"-and some bitches, both of whom never got a fuck in the last 10 years so they're taking their starved selfs out on my fine ass. What do you think, blondie? Am I in the ballpark?"

"Wha, how, you little-"

"Hey, hey, hey, you're not talking to your last two baby daddies, lady. I'm huge as shit. You mad your desert pussy ain't ever gonna jump me?"

"Ok, let's just get started." As always, Ichigo pushed the two people away and the bi-weekly PTA meeting got underway.
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First Topic-The Cafeteria Menu
"The fucking fuck did you just say in my presence, Rei you whore?" Grimmjow looked at the brunette with an irritated look.

"I'm ignoring you. As I've said, we should redo this lunch menu. My son gained 20lbs because it!"

"Didn't we already talk about this?" Ichigo, the PTA mediator, spoke up. "The lunchroom now has two menus, the regular lunch menu and a vegetarian menu. Everyone has a choice between the two and from the reports I'm getting, the vegetarian menu is doing well with students and staff."

"But he doesn't go for it!" Rei argued. "Therefore, the entire menu should be completely vegetarian!"

"So because you don't know how to teach your kid about healthy eating, everyone else has to conform? Then again, I heard your cooking is shit so maybe school is the only time the poor brat gets to eat something good."

The brunette jumped at the accusation, but then looked smugly at the man. "Well, Nelliel-san ate my food last week and she didn't seem to mind."

"Really? Because she told me it took every bit of her power to not throw up your shit potato salad and my woman's a strong bitch." Grimmjow argued back just as smugly.

"My potato salad isn't shit, you jackass!"

"No one likes potato salad, you uncultured bitch!"

"Alright!" Ichigo shouted. "The lunch menus remains unchanged. Rei, either teach your child the importance of healthy eating, be a better cook, or take him to the doctor! This will be the last time we talk about this!"

"But, Kurosaki-kun-"

Ichigo and Grimmjow looked at Rei at the same time. "No one likes potato salad, Rei!"
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Second Topic-Matters of the Graduation Ceremony
"Next order of business, apparently Aoi-san wishes to talk about the graduation ceremony?" Ichigo asked, looking at the paper with all the topics written down. However, as he continued reading more, he immediately regretted bringing it up.

"That's right." The self-important black-haired man stood up, dusting invisible dust off his expensive looking suit. "I believe that my Yuichi should be valedictorian-"

"(Y/N) is valedictorian. You can eat a dick." Grimmjow interrupted as he lit up a joint.

"Grimmjow-san, smoking isn't allowed in this room." Yumi said disgustedly.

"Do you want me pissed or do you want me high?" Grimmjow retorted, effectively shutting the woman up. "Yea, that's what I fucking thought."

"Of course, (Y/N)-san will also be there. They'll just be sharing the honor. And of course, sharing honors with your fellows is one of the most important secondary lessons that can be taught."

The blue-haired man sucked in his joint and blew out the smoke out of his nose in irritation. "Alright caterpillar mustache, I'll bite. What exactly has your brat done that deserves to stand on the same stage as my million dollar kid?"

Aoi puffed up his chest in pride. "Well, Yuichi did bring this school to the State Championship."

"Something that a shit ton of other people have done, in case you didn't see the awards case in the hall. (Y/N) has gave the school its first mathematician 1st place trophy, has the highest recorded GPA, and is going to the most prestigious high school and university in Japan, all expense paid. Your brat, like you, is invalid."

"Inva-I just want my son to have the recognition he deserves!"

Grimmjow sighed. "I am not getting high fast enough."

Ichigo sighed. "Aoi-san, a valedictorian is someone who has high academic standings and (Y/N)-san has already more then qualified for the spot. Yuichi-san has a 2.3 GPA, right?"

"Well, yes, but my son is the next big star so-"

"Next topic!" Grimmjow interrupted the man.
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Last Topic-Bake Sale
"Hey shit berry, drive me home. I'm high as fuck." Grimmjow said to Ichigo.

"Yea, I can tell by the smell and your eyes. You've lit five joints back to back, how are you even functioning?" Ichigo asked as he covered his nose.

"Very carefully, now drive me home so my kid doesn't worry and my woman doesn't bitch."

Ichigo sighed and turned to the other members getting their things together. "Everyone, before we leave, I want to say that the bake sale is ending early. We've raised more then ¥1,000,000, more then enough for some new equipment for the science classes and STEM club. Thank you for your hard work."

"Eh!? ¥1,000,000!!? H-How!?" Yumi asked in shocked.

"Don't look at me. My Yuichi raised ¥500."

"No one even mentioned you." Rei said.

"For the sake of my high, I'm just going to come out and say that (Y/N) raised the ¥1,000,000." Grimmjow said in his usual irritated voice. Everyone but Ichigo looked at his in shock.

"H-How do you even-?"

"I didn't say me, I said (Y/N). Don't take away my kid's accomplishments, you fuckers."

"How did they raise that much?" Aoi asked with wide eyes.

"By selling to people that aren't just family and friends. My kid even sold to the next town over. Now come on shit berry, I'm craving buffalo chicken wings and watermelon slushees." The man growled.

"And I bet you expect me to pay for all that, you damn alleycat." Ichigo complained. "See you all in two weeks."

"Have fun with your shitty kids!" Grimmjow followed Ichigo out the meeting room, leaving the three adults shocked, jealous, and speechless.
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Next Chapter: My Fault