𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲, 𝐢 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐢'𝐦 𝐠𝐚𝐲 ||𝐢𝐰𝐚𝐨𝐢||𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐚||

13

"I am straight. I am so straight. I am the straightest man on earth, I love women. All women! I don't get attracted to any guys, especially not to tall, tanned butlers. I am literally so straight that I radiate straightness" Oikawa kept mumbling to himself as he kept on walking around his office trying to get rid of all not-so-straight thoughts from his head.

"I'm so heterosexual, they should call me heterosapiens..." he said to himself once again before sighing loudly and sinking into his chair.

"Ah.. Shit... What the hell is wrong with me? I should focus on Miko as soon as she comes back to get rid of all these thoughts" he said to himself and looked at his phone. Miko is coming back this evening and honestly he wasn't ready.

He had to admit that not having to deal with a whiny woman who wanted everything for two weeks made him feel great and free, but still.. He's engaged to her.

He decided to look through his papers once again, he needed a distraction.

Meanwhile downstairs..

"..so she goes 'what do you mean I'm not your type? All guys are dying to sleep with me'. I laughed so hard that the dj had to stop the music and ask me what happened. So I said I'm gay as fuck' and kissed Makki in front of her" Mattsun finished telling Iwaizumi the story of how he got 500$ for free.

"Wait, so are you guys dating or what? I still can't seem to figure out" Iwaizumi asked, but the two just shrugged.

"That's a secret, you'll only find out when the author writes the next chapter.. " Makki spoke.

"What? What author? Oh well, I won't even try to understand you. Anyway, I'll have to prepare dinner since Miko is coming back, but I need to do grocery shopping first" Iwaizumi sighed and finished drinking his honey lemon tea.

"We can help! I want to buy snacks anyway. And..ugh.. Miko.. Can she like just stay away? Seriously... I don't wanna deal with her" Makki made an extremely weird facial expression.

"Same, but.. We just have to find something that would make Oikawa leave her? We could fake something or.. Oh my god, I have a genius plan" Mattsun's eyes widened at his "master evil master extra gay homosexual cooked spaghetti" plan.

"What is it?" Makki asked after he took out a strawberry shake out of the refrigerator.

"Iwaizumi.. Seduce her..." Mattsun said with a completely serious face.

"What??! Why?!" Iwaizumi panicked a bit, that was not the first time anybody asked him to seduce someone but...

"If she's loyal, she'll push you away, but if she isn't.. We could show Oikawa that she's cheating and he would leave her" Mattsun said, Makki nodded in approval.

"Guys, it wouldn't work, Oikawa wouldn't buy it" Iwaizumi said, which was true. Iwaizumi had already clearly expressed his sexual orientation the previous day.

"Why not? It would definitely work!" Makki and Mattsun started nagging Iwaizumi, while also slowly pushing him into the corner.

"He knows I'm gay! We kissed so it wouldn't work!!!" Iwaizumi finally said, he covered his mouth immediately after that.

There were like a good 5 minutes of complete silence and no movement until Makki exploded and started freaking out, of course a shower of questions "when?", "who?", "why?", "did Oikawa like it?" hit Iwaizumi aswell but he didn't bother answering them, he just went to his room and told the other two to get ready if they want to go with him.

Makki and Mattsun still couldn't believe what they heard, they kept an eye on them most of the time, so when? Not that it mattered, what mattered was that their OTP kissed.

After around 15 solid minutes Iwaizumi was ready to go, those two idiots promised not to say a word about what happened if Iwaizumi bought them popcorn.

"Ah.. What should I make tonight?" Iwaizumi asked himself as soon as he walked into the grocery shop, though he had some stuff in mind.

Mattsun and Makki immediately ran to the candy section and started sweeping all the candy of the shelves, because nothing screams "manliness" more than two grown-up's eating flower shaped, raspberry flavored lollipops.

"Dude, but like, do you think Oikawa has gay thoughts now? I mean, I'm like 120% sure that Iwaizumi would be able to turn any man gay, but.." Mattsun suddenly asked.

"Obviously. Now then I think about it, he was really unfocused this morning.. Maybe that why. Either way, our plan is working out!" Makki exclaimed and put 16 boxes of cinnamon flavored cereal into the cart. Real men eat that shit.

Meanwhile Iwaizumi was shopping like a respectful adult. He picked up the things that he needed such as eggs, chicken breast, fresh tomatoes, lettuce and mozzarella..

"Iwaizumi-san?" suddenly a voice spoke.

Iwaizumi turned to his left and saw a familiar face. One look at this persons cart and he was sure that he was exactly who Iwaizumi thought he was. Who else would buy ten gallons of milk and seventeen boxes of blueberries.

"Kageyama, nice seeing you here. What are you up to?" Iwaizumi greeted his friend.

"I'm just buying food. And you? Haven't heard from you in a while. Though, Kindaichi mentioned that he saw you some time ago" Kageyama said.

"I'm here because of work. I'm a butler now, so shopping is important. Though I have to hurry before two idiots that I brought with me burn down this store" Iwaizumi sighed, Makki and Mattsun already took like 15 years off his life.

"Ah, I see! Well, let's talk later! And good luck!" Kageyama waved goodbye before disappearing into the meat section.

Iwaizumi picked up the last ingredients that he needed, while also fulfilling his promise and buying those two popcorn. He did spend quite a lot, but Makki and Mattsun spent three times more than him.

"Why the hell did you guys buy this many candy?" Iwaizumi asked as they came back home.

"So I could eat them off Makki's body" Mattsun wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Anytime daddy" Makki said, he would have said more but an ice cold glare from Iwaizumi made him shut up immediately.

Iwaizumi started cooking as soon as he walked into the kitchen. He let rice cook first, while that was happening he made the salad from lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers and mozzarella, with a little bit of olive oil and salt. Then, the hard part came. He cut the chicken breast into smaller pieces, cracked two eggs into a bowl and mixed them. He then proceeded to take pieces of chicken, dip them into the egg wash and roll them in coconut shavings (or whatever you people call that please inform me) and place them into a hot pan to cook.

It wasn't long till they all heard a doorbell and an annoying voice.

"Honey, I'm home!"

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I have so much fun writing this fanfic lmao rip
THANK YOU FOR 20K READS HOLY SHIT. I didn't expect this fanfic to blow up this much but here I am.

Again, thank you and I hope you're enjoying it just as much as I am ❤
-hatari.