Cotton Candy Deer

Confession

His eyes partly shut, Luhan, made the effort to lean closer a little more so their lips would meet, before he slightly shook his head and pulled back. This wasn’t right. He shouldn’t be doing that. When he was about to finally turn around and leave, he could feel a grip around his collar, pulling him back. He stumbled back a bit, turning around to see the younger’s face close to his own. Sehuns expression was unable to read, which made Luhans heart beat even faster. He wasn’t asleep? Since when had he been awake? His heart seemed to burst out of his chest when it came to his mind that maybe Sehun had been awake long enough to realize what just almost had happened.
He could hear the younger ask quietly about what that just was. It was clearly to be heard that Sehun suppressed the growling tone in his voice, though even a deaf would be able to hear the anger boiling inside the younger.

Luhan stammered an apology. Actually he had no idea how he should explain his behaviour only a minute ago. A voice in his head told him to just tell Sehun the thruth. But how was he supposed to say that, knowing about the major chance that it would destroy anything they had. He couldn’t manage to do anything but repeat that he was sorry over and over again, getting more quiet after each word. His voice soon cracked.

Sehun realised it before the elder did. Tears were now dripping from Luhans eyes on the plain white bed sheets. That really wasn’t what Sehun had planned to reach but also he couldn’t help himself. What was that. Did Luhan really just almost kiss him? He really had been asleep but since he had a light sleep, he immediately woke up by the breath of the elder, tickling his face. He froze at this very moment not able to move anymore.
Even less he understood when Luhan suddenly turned around again and was about to leave. He wouldn’t let him get away just like that, still his mind was confused and spinning, he just had grabbed the elders collar.
Almost mechanically Sehuns reaction turned out more aggressive than he wanted. He wasn’t really angry, more hurt? He didn’t know how to describe that feeling.
When he now felt a liquid constantly dripping on his hand, with which he had still grabbed Luhan by his collar, maybe harsher than he meant to, something in his mind snapped. He didn’t want to hurt Luhan. The one being the closest to him. The one who'd always be there for him and help him. The one he secretly had admired from the time he had his first glance landed on him.

Without another word Sehun pulled the, still silently crying Luhan closer and shifted him next to himself. He loosened his grip around his shirt and pulled the pink-haired boy in for a hug. Carefully he caressed the elders back, who was now wetting Sehuns shirt with his tears. Sehun didn’t mind at all, he didn’t even realise it. He only felt the deep urge to bang his head against a wall for his stupid reaction. How many times had he pictured that in his head? He couldn’t even count it but now when it almost had happened he was so overwhelmed that his reaction was only self defending. If he would let himself love someone else it would hurt him even more when this person left. Though he didn’t wish for anything else but the doe-eyed male to love him in the same way.

Yet Luhans tears had disappeared, only the wet space on Sehuns shirt and his deep red-rimmed eyes remained. Luhan couldn’t find the courage to look up at the younger one, who had his arms still wrapped around him.
Finally Sehun broke the silence when he asked the boy, who was now curled up against the younger’s chest, if he'd be alright now. He only got a faint nod in response, since Luhan wasn’t sure if he would bring a proper sentence out now, as well as he was too embarrassed to talk yet. He knew that he still had to explain that to the younger somehow but not now.

Eventually Luhan fell asleep like that, because when he opened his eyes the next morning he was laying in a bed that wasn’t his. After he rushed up in shock, he realised the room to be Sehuns and slowly he remembered the last night. He could feel his throat tighten again but quickly he clenched a fist. It was his own fault, if Sehun now wanted distance he would have to accept that. He would also understand him. It made his heart knot up but he knew that it was him who messed it up.
He had no idea when Sehun left his own bed but Luhan was sure it must have been after he fell asleep. He reached over to turn the alarm clock around, checking the time quickly when he felt the other side of the bed was still heated up as if someone had been laying there just a few minutes ago. With a slow shook of his head, Luhan swung his feet over the edge and got out of the bed. He was lucky that one bathroom was just next door to Sehuns room. He still felt like the Oh's manor had thousand rooms but slowly he began to orientate.
He was quite shocked when he looked at the reflection of himself that the mirror was showing. He looked really done. His hair was even messier than it usually was in the morning, he had always been jealous of the people who managed to even look good when they just got up. Immediately Sehun shot through his mind. The image of a sleepy Sehun popped in his mind. He had seen him quite some times after he just woke up and Sehun definitely was one of those persons. The smile, that had been creeping up on his lips, quickly faded again. Maybe he wouldn’t get to see a sleepy Sehun in the morning anymore, or a Sehun who would beam at him when he opened the door. He could feel tears forming in the corner of his eyes again but once more he held them back. Instead he quickly washed up and tried to fix his hair but soon he gave up on it. It didn’t even matter.

Shuffling he made his way down the stairs. In his head he was debating whether he should search for Sehun or just quietly leave the house. Before he came to a result, he could hear the familiar voice of the younger one from the kitchen. Luhan had no idea how he was able to be heard but he had no choice but to face the boy with the hair like steel.

Luhan now stood in the door frame, looking at Sehun who was currently turning his back towards the elder. It was impossible to just guess what was going on, on the younger’s mind. It surprised Luhan that, when Sehun turned around to him, he had a smile on his lips. Maybe just a slight one but he smiled at him, gesturing him to follow him towards the couch.
Luhan just stood in front of the couch, facing the floor instead of Sehun who already sat down. He could hear a sigh from the younger one before he felt Sehuns slim fingers wrap around his wrist, pulling him down on the couch, so they were now sitting next to each other. When Luhan still didn’t seem to make the effort to speak, another sigh could be heard from the other male while he ran his fingers through his silver hair, which already began to lose it's colour, slowly turning into a dark brown again.
In a questioning way he suggested if they would now talk about yesterday. He already was way calmer than last night. He didn't hold back anything, he was just naturally calm. Luhan knew that it was his turn to talk, to explain himself but again he remained silent.

Sehun had no idea how many times he had sighed now but again a sigh escaped from his mouth. How would they be supposed to talk things over if he was the only one talking, also he was the one who had the least talent when it came to the point where he should talk about feelings, emotions or whatever. He finally decided to ask the question that was bothering him for the past hours.
After Luhan had fallen asleep, Sehun would lay awake for quite a while. He just played with the soft pink hair of the sleeping elder from time to time. One question was burning in his mind. Does Luhan really have feelings for me? Why would he do that if it was otherwise. The question was still stuck in his head when he awoke that morning, Luhan still curled up by his side. After he quickly brushed away some of the light hair that was all messy, from Luhans forehead. Then he quietly got up, leaving the room for a cold shower that was supposed to clear his mind, at least a little.
It didn’t quite do it's job since Sehuns mind wasn’t lighter at all. Still he wouldn’t let himself believe that Luhan did this simply because he had the same feelings, that Sehun had.

Finally he would get to ask the elder to explain himself.
Now he finally pushed himself to ask the question, which bothered him all the time. He asked Luhan to explain why he would do such a thing.

By hearing that question, Luhan couldn’t really hold back anymore. All his thoughts and feelings that he kept hidden all this time needed to get off his chest now. He basically shouted everything out. That he had feelings for Sehun, that he was too afraid to tell him, since he didn’t want to ruin their friendship, just everything. He was truly yelling at the younger now.
It made Sehun feel really uncomfortable when he was being shouted at, he could almost feel how he became smaller and smaller, with every time Luhan raised his voice.

"Because I loved you, all the time!" Luhan was finally shouting at the younger who had been just looking at him, while he yelled everything off his chest that had been bothering him for the past months.