hold my hand // a crankiplier fanfic *COMPLETE*

chap. 5

He left.

I got up that morning and Mark was no where in sight.

I checked all the rooms. I checked all the restaurants.

I called and left messages. But he wasn't anywhere. So what could I do but sob? Crying my eyes out, I screamed his name. I can't bear this. Someone had to help me.

"Mark! Why would you leave me? I loved you!"

"Ethan! Wake up!"

Not again.

"Ethan, please wake up. Don't do this to me. This isn't funny."

"Wha- what?" I opened my eyes slowly, catching glimpses of Mark as my eyes fluttered. God, these nightmares are really getting to me. I have to find a way to not like him like that. I mean, he's only my friend. The only thing worse than getting together with your best friend is breaking up with them.

"You fell asleep and started freaking out in your sleep and then you said that you loved me and I was really scared and I don't know what's happening," he said in tears.

"I'm right here."

"Sorry. You always make me emotional..."

I blushed a crimson red.

"Why don't we do something fun today?" I suggested.

"Can we stay in and play video games instead?"

"If that's what you want."

"Please, babe." I flinched and scratched the back of my neck while he looked down, embarrassed.

"Sorry, I won't call you babe, uh, that was weird."

"I'll go set up the game, yeah?"

"I will meet you down there." Mark said, clearly hurt. I hate seeing him in any type of pain, but I can't get with him. No matter what my feelings are.

"That's not fair! You cheated somehow." Mark accused me of cheating as I kicked his butt in Super Smash Bros. I just grinned and ran my hand through my bright blue hair, as Mark watched me. He seemed lonely, a hint of gray in his eyes.

I felt even more pained to see him like this.

To watch him look at me, look right through me because he can't seem to bear looking at my face.

But I can't- AHH.

Maybe I can. But not now. Mark is way too damaged after the Jack thing.

"Uh Ethan? Helloooo?" Mark waved his hand in front of my zoned out face.

"Sorry! I was just thinking about- stuff."

"Ooooh! What type of stuff?" he said, turning his head around upside down and teasing me. I fake slapped him and rolled my eyes. He made a pouty face. I looked into his eyes, still upsides down, and poked his cheeks.

"You guys are so gay." A voice spoke.

"Gosh Ty, could you at least knock?" I yelled at him while grinning.

"Mark, you seem to be feeling a LOT better," Tyler said suspiciously.

I looked at Mark. That was definitely a trigger for him.

Mark just started shaking and balling his eyes out.

I'll explain to you later, I mouthed to Tyler. He slowly backed out of the room and shut the door, leaving me to deal with the sobbing and shivering Mark. Now, he looked sick.

It was a cold rainy day, and Mark was bored out of his mind, already having uploaded the day's videos. He soon became bored, so he decided to surprise Amy at work. Amy was Mark's girlfriend at the time, and I remember the way he looked at her. He loved her with all his heart. But he couldn't bring himself to see who she really was. All the rest of us could, but Mark was in so deep, swimming in a pool of love, that none of us were surprised when he drowned. All he had to do was open that door, to find Amy holding hands and snuggling with some random guy. He could only sputter words.

"What- who- WHO THE HECK ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU CUDDLING WITH MY GIRLFRIEND?"

"Name is Jack mate. What do ya mean? Amy said she was single." And from then, he let them be.

But Mark never acted the same.

He was always fidgety and none of us ever mentioned Amy again. Of course, Mark only told me that Amy cheated. And when he saw Jack's face yesterday, it just triggered the same memories.

Mark couldn't bear to see his face. He would never be able to forget it.

I cuddled with him until he calmed down, telling myself I was helping a friend.

Why couldn't I let us be more than that?