hold my hand // a crankiplier fanfic *COMPLETE*

chap. 14

I cried like a baby into Mark's arms.

He held me tight, and rocked me back and forth slowly. I just cried.

I take that back.

I sobbed. And not just for a few minutes. I sobbed for at least an hour, and then I cried. I cried until I felt dehydrated. Mark got me water, and in between sniffles, I gulped it down so that I could cry even more. That was only the start. I could remain stable for a few minutes, but as soon as anything moved, it reminded me that my mother could not. She was dead. I couldn't even say goodbye. She was gone. At one point during my crying session, I looked up. Through the ceiling, I imagined the sky. I broke down in tears crying, because my mom could be staring down at me through the heavens. And God would be there too.

Nope. I know I didn't deserve this. Neither did the rest of the family. If there was a God, he wouldn't have let this happen. I refuse to believe. (if that's against your religion... sorry ._.) So instead I just cursed God. And everything else. The sky, the clouds, my family, cars, just about everything I could think of. But only in my head. When I tried to speak, my words came out as heaving sobs, striving to breathe. So I tried to stop thinking. Mark just held onto me tighter, like he was trying to squeeze the sadness out of me. I just continued sobbing, and soon Mark's shirt was wet from my tears. I looked up from my constant sniffles, to see Mark crying with me. I finaly managed to get some words out.

"Wh-why are you crying?"

"Because seeing you sad breaks me in every way possible. I can't stand it. It's contagious. Remember? Your emotions are mine."

I tried. Really hard. I stopped my crying for a mere few seconds and gave Mark the slightest smile. He perked up at my sudden happiness, but my moment of glee didn't last long, because I soon felt tears gently rolling down my cheeks. I wept into Mark's chest again, and he soon lifted my head up carefully with his hand. My tears seemed to calm down as I gazed into Mark's brown eyes. Eventually, I was no longer crying. I still wore a look on my face that I could only imagine seemed hurt. Mark leaned in and gave me a peck on the nose that lasted what I thought was longer than I had cried. Soon after, he rested his forehead on mine, attempting to calm down my hitching breath. He did, and soon I was more stable and back to normal. Except for the fact that my face was stained with tears. Mark saw my still wet face and gently caressed my cheeks with each of his thumbs, wiping the tears away. I finally smiled up at Mark and didn't break down crying. He smiled back at me.

Tyler, Mark and I were sitting at the counter a few days later eating dinner. Tyler announced he was going to take a shower and headed upstairs. Mark and I sat in silence until I spoke.

"So, I'm leaving tomorrow. I'll be back I'm a few days, and I promise that I'll keep in touch while I'm go-"

"I'm not coming?" Mark looked worried.

"I want you to meet my family, but I don't think this is the best time."

"Ethan, please. Don't you think emotional support would be helpful?"

"Yes, but I'll have my family."

"Ethan, I don't know if I can handle being away from you that long."

"It's only 3 days at the most."

"I have to come with you!" Mark said, his eyes watery.

"Mark, I hate saying no to you. But I really need you to stay here while I pay my respects!" I shouted at him.

"Fine! Go by yourself. See if I care!"

Mark ran upstairs into his room, and I buried my head in my hands, as I cursed in frustration. All I had to do was him come, and we wouldn't be fighting. I decided to go pack now, because, after all, I leave tomorrow.

I woke up early at 4 AM sharp to get ready and drive myself to the airport. I left a note for Mark on the counter:

I have to leave early, the flight is at 5:30. I'm sorry I yelled at you, and I'm sorry that I didn't let you come. It's for the better. I'll miss you so much. Please text me when you read this. Love, Ethan

I quickly left before I could change my mind.

a/n: so I'm excited to write the next one, anyways thank you for like 500 reads and 90 somewhat votes. i had to write this on my kindle and it took me like an hour SO PLEASE VOTE FOR MY DEAR SOUL

sorry

love you guys!

~susanna <3