Never Let This Go *Paramore*

Chapter Three: Disarm

"Let me in the wall

You've built around

We can light a match

And burn it down

Let me hold your hand

And dance 'round and 'round the flames

In front of us

Dust to dust,"

-Dust to Dust, The Civil Wars

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Play 'Disarm' by 'The Civil Wars' while Hayley is playing it on the keyboard for INTENSE effect and emotion for that timing.

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Hayley's P.O.V.

The whole time Kat and Jeremy were here at Taylor's house, I was in my room. I asked Taylor if he could say I fell asleep or something, after all that happened with Chad and all. I also asked him to explain what happened too. I asked a lot of him...

I sit on the bed thinking to myself, what have I done to myself? What have I done that I feel this way? I just now notice a small keyboard set up in the corner of the guest room, screaming lyrics at me. So I get up, weak and depressed, and sit on the little stool. I think of the singing duo The Civil Wars and decide to express this sadness and loneliness I feel through them. I think of their cover of Disarm by Smashing Pumpkins. I know it on the piano.

I turn it on, and let my fingers use their own memory of where the chords are. I press my fingers down on the keys and sing.

Disarm you with a smile

And cut you like you want me to

Cut that little child

Inside of me and such a part of you

Ooh, the years burn

I forget about everything, and I feel the emotion of the song, letting the tears flow. I feel like I wrote the song, even though I've known it for years.

I used to be a little boy

So old in my shoes

And what I choose is my choice

What's a boy supposed to do?

The killer in me is the killer in you

My love

I send this smile over to you

Disarm you with a smile

And leave you like they left me here

To wither in denial

The bitterness of one who's left alone

That verse hit me like a ton of bricks to the head. I choke on my words, and take a deep breath, singing softer than I was as first. I'm not worried anyone will hear me anymore, though.

Ooh, the years burn

Ooh, the years burn, burn, burn

I get louder every time I sing the word burn. My fingers aren't the slightest bit tired yet as I move quickly up and down the keys.

I used to be a little boy

So old in my shoes

And what I choose is my voice

What's a boy supposed to do?

The killer in me is the killer in you

My love

I send this smile over to you

Then the last part I almost choke on my words, but I catch myself. How has no one showed up at the door yet, I don't know.

The killer in me is the killer in you

Send this smile over to you

The killer in me is the killer in you

Send this smile over to you

The killer in me is the killer in you

Send this smile over to you

I pull back from the keyboard and bury my face in my knees, still sitting on the stool. How I fit, no one knows. I can't handle anything anymore, I don't even know why! I need someone to make me feel okay again.

All of a sudden there is a knock on the door, and Jeremy walks in. He doesn't hesitate to pull me off the stool I was sitting on and pull me into a hug. He doesn't talk, he just holds me like a big brother would. "You don't have to do this," I tell him wiping a tear away.

"I want to do this. You're like my little sister, Hayley. I know that Chad decided to be stupid and break up with you, but he obviously isn't worth it. It's obvious that something else is bothering you as well, but maybe you aren't ready to tell anyone yet. That's okay. Just know that I am here, okay? I don't care if it's three in the morning,"

"I love you, Jeremy, you know," I tell him hugging him.

"I love you too Hayles," he says with a small smile and messing up my already insane looking hair. "Hey, you look hungry, when was the last time you ate?" Jeremy asks me. Shoot. I didn't eat lunch, or breakfast, or dinner that night, or lunch that day, or even breakfast yesterday. It's been over a day.

"I don't know, a couple hours ago," I lie, trying to avoid an argument about my lack of eating. He doesn't look like he is buying it though.

"Oh...okay," he says slowly. "Well um, Kat and I are leaving soon, she says hey, and I'll see you at rehearsals tomorrow, right?'

"Yeah, I'll be there, 10:00 sharp," I say with a fake, small smile.

"Okay, don't be late, bye for now," he says hugging me again. He leaves after that and I am left alone. Again.

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