Never Let This Go *Paramore*

Chapter Twenty-Six: The Pills

"And she cried,

'Kiss it all better,

I'm not ready to go,

It's not your fault love,

You didn't know, you didn't know,'"

-Kiss It Better; He Is We

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Hayley's P.O.V.

Maybe if my heart, stops beating, it won't hurt this much, I sing to myself like I have been for the five days we have been home from Florida. I have my old house back, and Chad moved out so I am alone. That's good for the dark side of me, and bad for my good, hopeful side that wants to live. Yup. Today is the day. I wrote a note addressed to multiple people, now reading it over to check for anything to change.

Dear loved ones,

I know we have been down this road before, but now I am certain I want this. Seems unexpected, doesn't it? The Spongebob of the rock genre is trying to kill herself! I need to do this though, you see. If I die, then G will leave you alone and get to Chad a different way. This has to happen.

Taylor, I love you so much, you know, but you deserve so much better than me. I don't know why you love me, but I never deserved you as my friend let alone boyfriend. You can forget about me, though, and move on. There are plenty of girls who adore you already. I will be watching from above, though. I will be here.

Jeremy, you're the best big brother a girl could have. No matter how unrelated we are, really. I love you a ton and hope you and your family will be able to achieve anything and everything that there is to achieve in life. I wish your daughter well, too, and hope she can grow to be just like her parents.

Kat, I'm so so sorry for dragging you into this mess I've created, but I have to thank you for keeping us all strong while we were fighting our battles. I love you just as much as Taylor and Jeremy, we are all forever family.

Erica, once you get out of the hands of those disgusting people, and I know you will, I want you and Mikayla to know that I love you both more than you could ever know, and I'll be watching over you every single day as well as your mom. Never stop being you, okay? I love you three.

To everyone other friend I've ever had, I love you. Thank you for being so amazing and kind in the times and memories we share together, I hope you don't take this all into personal accounts or anything. It's time for me to go, for you to move on, and for happiness to take place.

Sincerely,

Hayley (Spongebob) W.

The letter is sitting on the kitchen counter, noticeable to anyone who may walk into the area looking for me. It's time to say goodbye to my two best friends. I sigh and walk to my car in short shorts and a sweatshirt that Taylor got me. I want to die in it, and I want to have it forever, having Taylor to hold onto forever. I start to drive to Jeremy and Kat's house. I just want to say goodbye to them, give them one last hug.

"Hey Jerm, I was just on my way to Taylor's and wanted to say hey," I tell him walking in.

"Well hey," he says with a chuckle. Kat walks in and smiles at me, bringing me into a hug.

"Hayley, what's up?" she asks in her amazing English accent.

"Just saying hey," I tell her with a shrug.

Once I'm done 'saying hey' to Jeremy and Kat, I drive over to Taylor's place. The drive is short and quiet, as I don't bother to turn the radio on. I'm not in the mood for it. I feel guilty and selfish, yet I just can't help but want to kill myself...