Never Let This Go *Paramore*

Chapter Nineteen: Laughing Away

"Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend

Somewhere along in the bitterness

And I would have stayed up with you all night

Had I known how to save a life,"

-How To Save A Life; The Fray

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Hayley's P.O.V.

Taylor walks in looking nervous and concerned. "What happened?" he asks me. I would respond, but I don't think I can. It's as if my mind suddenly became unplugged from the rest of me, and I can't think straight. I'm thinking of everything and nothing at the same time; everything is blank and being scribbled in with random equations that I can't piece together, no matter how familiar they are to me. Five plus two suddenly becomes hard, that woman plus my conversation with Chad when my tire went flat equals unknown.

All of a sudden, I start laughing. "Hayley are you alright?" Taylor asks grabbing my hand. I laugh harder. "Hayley?" I laugh like there is no tomorrow. The laughing uncontrollably, you would think should be crying. "Hayles? What happened?" Taylor asks me looking confused and scared.

"Get away," I tell him through laughter. "Get away from me before someone gets hurt,"

"What?" he asks petrified. "Hayley?!"

"I need to be with Chad can't you see? I need Chad! I need to love him! It can't be you! You will hurt too much!" I tell him, laughing and crying at the same time.

"Hayley!" he yells. I keep laughing uncontrollably and crying. I can't stop, think straight, or make sense through words, either.

"I said leave! Can't you hear? She will hurt you! Leave before she hurts you, don't risk it!" I yell laughing louder than ever. A doctor rushes in and looks confused.

"Some woman she doesn't know came to visit her for less than five minutes, and I walked back in. She started laughed and crying uncontrollably and won't make any sense!" Taylor tells him. He nods, leaves the room for less than a minute, and comes back with two other doctors.

"Hayley we need you to stop laughing," he tells me. Of course I keeps laughing uncontrollably. When I say uncontrollably, I mean it too.

"No! No! You- don't understand!" I yell through laughing and tears.

"Hayley, lay down," the woman tells me directing me to lay down, her hands on my shoulders.

"Stop!" I yell, more crying than laughing now. "I need to find Chad! Where's Chad?!" Chad needs to know about this. As soon as possible. All of a sudden, I feel a needle in my upper arm, and it isn't small. I still laugh and cry though, but I scream at them to stop because I need to get away. Soon enough though, my body weakens, I become exhausted, and I fall asleep.

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"Hayley, how are you sweetie?" I hear as I open my eyes, still exhausted from the drug they gave me. Mom.

"Hey, Mom," I say with a weak smile.

"Taylor told me everything, honey. He told me about what happened at his house, eating and your wrists, you running away, the hospital, your threats, Chad, and your laughing episode a couple hours ago," she explains softly.

"I'm sorry, Mom," I tell her honestly, a tear rolling down my face.

"Hayley, you've been crying for too long," she tells me wiping it away. "I want happy Hayley,"

"It isn't that simple," I respond.

"It can be if you let your loved ones help," Mom says.

"That's how I ended up in the mental hospital," I whisper. "It wasn't exactly helpful,"

"Can I tell you a story?" she asks.

"Of course, Ma," I tell her with a small smile.

"When I was in high school, I had a best friend. I cared for her so much. She got bullied every day though, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop it. She was gay, that's why. Her name was Hannah. Hannah got pushed into lockers, called names, sometimes it got physical. One day, I remember it was a Tuesday, it got physical. The big, bad bully slammed her against a locker while she was walking to class, and he started using her as a punching bag.

She screamed at them to stop, and people while standing around her laughing, so I ran over and stood in front of her. I told him, 'Tell me why it's so horrible to be attracted to someone different than a man and you can punch me too,' he laughed and punched me straight in the stomach and I fell to the floor.

He told Hannah and I, 'It's disgusting,' and walked away. I brought Hannah into the girls bathroom, and I made her show me her arms where she was hit as well as her stomach to see if it was bruised. She was a very insecure person, I already knew she had burns on her upper legs. Bruises were already starting to form all over her. I didn't understand why this could happen to such a beautiful person, inside and out.

'Thanks for standing up for me,' she told me. I smiled and a teacher walked in to use the bathroom. She saw me examining Hannah and froze. I knew that she knew Hannah was gay, even though it shouldn't matter.

'What is going on here?' she asked us.

'Nothing Mrs. Ron,' I claimed.

'It looked it you were looking at her, so I better not see any more public displays of some kind of affection!' she yells walking out.

'Hannah you have you to tell someone,' I tell her.

'You know my parents are half the reason for these bruises and teachers are acting ridiculously too, Christi! I can't do this, I'm sorry,' she quietly said, a tear dropping. She walked out of that bathroom, and that was the last time I saw my best friend alive,"

"Mom come here," I saw bringing her into a hug, her now crying. "I can try my best but I can't promise anything...It's all just so much..."

"For you to try and avoid it means the world Hayles," she whispers placing a strand of my hair neatly behind my ear. "Taylor really likes you, you know. Maybe even loves. If you love him back, take care of him and he will do anything for you, alright?" she asks of me. I nod and smile.

"I love you, Mom," I tell her taking her hand in mine.

"I love you too, Hayley, I love you too," she tells me.

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Hey! :)

I've been a bit busy so, I didn't update right away but I'm baaaaaaaaack! Did you miss me? :o