Never Let This Go *Paramore*

Chapter Ten: Mission Get Hayley Back

Hold on to the world we all remember fighting for

There's still strength left in us yet

Hold on to the world we all remember dying for

There's still hope left in it yet

-Arise; Flyleaf

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Taylor's P.O.V.

I wake up starving. Sometimes I think that I'm turning into Jeremy #2. I get out of bed and decide to get dressed into the usual black skinny jeans and shirt. I wash up and head to the kitchen, expecting for Hayley to still be in the guest room. Instead, I find a letter on the island counter.

Dear Taylor,

I left last night, I'm so sorry for everything I've done to you. I'm so selfish for dragging you into this mess, I'm going to feel guilty for forever. I don't even know what truly triggered it, honestly. I guess everything got stacked up on everything else and it was too much. I stopped being hungry and with that I stopped being happy.

I don't want to turn this into a suicide note or anything, I'm just saying...if I don't come back...don't worry and don't end Paramore either. Find another vocalist or something. Remember Never Let This Go? The very first two lines keep playing over and over again in my head.

Thank you so so much for making me laugh and being there when I needed it most, no matter how ridiculous the problem was. I hope you're not crying while reading this, please don't worry. I'll be alright, no matter what I do. Please don't tell anyone; my mom, Jeremy and Kat, or anyone else. I don't care who they are. I just thought I should explain it all to at least one person.

I'm so sorry, Taylor. A month ago, I wouldn't have ever been able to imagine all of this. I don't know where I'm going, but it'll probably be far away. Cancel the tour if you have to. Apologize to the fans, because I love them but this is seriously killing me. I'm not going to go on tour and be suicidal on stage or whatever, I just can't.

I was thinking about visiting my dad's house one last time, but don't bother searching for me there, it's out of state, and by the time you get there...I'll be long gone.

I'm so sorry,

Hayley W.

I immediately run into the guest room to find nothing. To be honest, I'm completely terrified. I know that she asked not to tell, but I know I have to. Jeremy should know first, they're like family.

As soon as I get to Jeremy and Kat's house, it's about half past noon. Kat will be up, but Jeremy...I don't know. I ring the door bell and wait. Not surprisingly, Kat opens it. I must be crying, because she immediately looks concerned. "Come in," she says. She shuts the door and we sit on the couch. I didn't wake her at least, she's already dressed.

I hand her the letter, still not saying a word. As she reads it, she starts to silently cry and her face becomes pale. "When?" she asks hardly audible.

"I found it this morning," I tell her. Jeremy walks in his pajama pants and holding Bliss.

"What's going on?" he asks quietly sitting down next to Kat. Kat hands him the letter and he tears up as well. "I knew she was unhappy, but Taylor, did it really get this bad?" I nod.

"She lied to me, about eating. She said she ate when really it had gotten to 42 hours. She lost weight, too. Hayley was walking and fell, just...fell. After that she admitted to having a panic attack in the shower because the water wasn't hot enough. That water gets dangerously hot. Then she cut up her own arm...she broke," I explain.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Kat asks.

"It wasn't something she wanted spread around," I respond. "Now her dad passed away, I don't know how, and she is driving to Mississippi to see the house one last time,"

"I'll pack our bags for us, Kat," Jeremy says getting up. Kat shrugs, and reaches for her phone on the coffee table, wiping a tear away.

"I'm going to drop Bliss off at my parents place, and then we're looking for Hayley. Go pack a bag and do what you need to do, alright? It'll be okay, have faith in her. Meet us at the airport in two hours, I'll book a flight to Mississippi," she tells me dialing a number on her cell. Sorry Hayley, but you know I have to do this.

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By the time we're all on the plane, I postponed the mini tour, well, Jeremy did, I called Hayley's mom and sisters, and packed everything I need for however long I'll be gone. I told Justin, who will probably tell Chris and my parents. I didn't tell them the whole story though, I just said that Hayley got stuck in Missouri and I'm going to go get her.

That goes for Jeremy and Kat too, for the most part. The flight is short, but we couldn't waste the extra time driving. Jeremy has even been to the house before, too, so he knows where it is. Besides, we could just contact Erica if we wanted.

Getting off the flight is fine, and we rent a car to drive to the house, while Kat calls Erica. "Hey, Erica how are you sweetie?" she says into the phone.

"Kat, how are you?" I hear faintly through the phone, then Kat puts it on speaker for Jeremy and I.

"Hey, I'm okay, is Hayley there? Or is she coming over for a while?" she asks.

"She's already here, why?" Erica asks.

"My gosh, please don't let her leave, alright? No matter what she says. Promise me, and I'll explain later," Kat responds.

"Um, okay, yeah, I promise," Erica says. "Bye,"

We get to the house, and our plan is simple. Kat is going to explain to Erica what is going on while Jeremy and I get Hayley. Kat texted Erica instead of us ringing the bell in case Hayley tries to run.

The three of us walk in quietly, and I automatically go for the stairs, Jeremy following. I peck in the first room, which looks like Mikayla's room. She and her step-mom aren't home, though. Jeremy looks into the room on the right, which is apparently Erica's room. The next room has a closed door. Bingo. Honestly, I'm completely terrified of what I could find, and Jeremy is too, you can tell.

I don't bother to knock when I open the door, as if she might know we're here and jump out of the window or something. Hayley is laying asleep on the bed, the covers up to her chin, in a little ball. She looks so innocent, so...harmless yet alone. Jeremy walks over to the bed and sits on the end of it. He gently shakes her arm and she grunts and turns around.

"Chad, it's too early," she whispers. Her eyes open slightly and then they become huge and she lets out a scream basically jumping up. "What are you doing here?!" she yells.

"We came to pick you up," Jeremy says.

"Get away from me," she tells us.

"Hayley we don't want to see you get hurt," I respond stepping closer.

"I said get away!" she says getting up from the bed, tears close to falling. "Now!" Jeremy knows what needs to happen and he steps out, leaving me in full control.

"Why did you run away, Hayley? Being gone is harder than staying sometimes," I ask her softly.

"Get away from me before I call a restraining order or something, Taylor! Go back to Nashville and leave me be, because I'm just a burden," she almost yells. Those words hit me a little too hard.

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WHOOPS SORRY!