Long-Distance Calls

24

*This chapter is rated NP for Non-Pussy. Rough language. Look out for that shit.*

Sooner than I expected, it was Christmas time. It was cold outside, and snow came falling on the dry landscape in the night, unveiling in the morning the wonderful masterpiece it made on the streets.

Every balding tree glowing of new life under the soft weight of that perfectly white snow. Every house and every rooftop elegantly decorated.

The morning was cold but not grey. The snow gave dark Clyde Street a new, natural light. It was all quiet. No birds singing, no cars running. The neighborhood still sleeping softly, as smoke slowly ascended from fireplaces covered in puffed snow.

I stood by the window, with my hands and my legs hooked to the heater right under it. The heat coming from it gave my skin goosebumps.

I'd woken up earlier than usual. Everyone else still snoozing to heavy dreams, moments before they'd return to their routines. I didn't need sleep to dream.

I thought about my first kiss. It was amazing. It was terrible. It was overwhelming. It was overdone. It was relaxing. It was stressful. It was all I needed. It was unnecessary.

I wanted more.

And when I thought about the sender of said kiss, I felt the anxiety related to her. I felt the need to do something. The need to have someone talking to me. I felt the need to delete all controversies. But I couldn't.

So I thought about Evelyn. I thought about me telling her that I love her. I thought about her telling me that she loves me too. I thought about her telling me that it was nice to have me around.

And I felt nice. And I felt happy and warm, and weightless and cool.

"I miss happy you," I said softly to Evelyn through the phone.

"I'm happy when I talk with you," she said to me.

"How are you feeling today?" I asked.

"I'm doing better. I think. I'm going from 'miss him' to 'hate him'. Even though I often miss his kisses," she said.

And I was afraid that I could relate. But "I wish I knew what it means to miss a kiss," is what I said.

"You never kissed?" she asked.

"No," I lied, "never."

"Right now," she said, "I'd say that it's a good thing. You know... given how I'm feeling for it. But it wouldn't be true. I hope you have your first kiss soon."

Her voice felt nice and warm, but her words were better off unsaid. They left an uneasy feeling in my stomach. I guess I kind of hoped that, after that last call, something had started to grow in her.

But I understand that it was kind of dumb to think that. How could a girl like her like a boy like me? I went in over my head after that kiss. Because I never expected a girl like Amber to kiss a guy like me. So I felt like the whole world was at my feet. But it was not like that.

I was still Peter Charming, loser without redemption, as Captain Hook once said.

I think today I'm going to watch Peter Pan, I suddenly said to myself.