Long-Distance Calls

38

Dear Future,

We're visiting a part of my life I didn't want to tell you about. I just wanted to skip this part, but Dr. Straczynski says I shouldn't. He says I shouldn't look like a perfect character, because I'm not a perfect person. And that's fine, he says, nobody's perfect. Everybody makes mistakes in their life, and acknowledging them is a huge step up. So I decided to go for this step up.

The thing is, dear Future, miserable people make terrible mistakes. This is a dark, unlikeable part of my life, so I hope you'll stay with me until it ends. Because, I promise you, there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I just hope you stay with me until I find it, and don't leave me alone in the dark like other people have already done.

March was about to end, leading the way for April. That time of the year was the time I usually hated school the most, and that's saying something. Because April is just such a great month for sleeping.

I think, if I ever became the president of something, I'd make the whole month of April an international holiday. I can already see that, "human hibernation month", where sleep is not only welcomed, it's encouraged.

That morning, like any other morning, I couldn't wait for school to be over so I could go home, lay on my bed, and talk to Evelyn. And then get up and workout, maybe also while talking to her.

Andrew insisted on getting on my way. I'd ignored him and avoided him countless times in the past few days, but that morning I had nowhere to run.

"How are you feeling, Peter?" he asked with a distant look on his face.

"Not too good, Andrew, why do you ask?" I didn't even bother to look at him in the eyes.

"Because I'm worried about you," he explained.

Now he's worried about me? First, he makes my life a living hell, and then he worries about me? What is wrong with him? "Thanks," I said, "but you don't have to worry. I'm... I'm doing better."

"I know you were really close to Tyler, and that must suck. If you need anything..."

"Okay," I said, and moved along.

I know pity is not a great thing. I know people who try to stay close to you just because they are worried about you shouldn't even come close to you. But I was lonely. Very lonely. And, even if I didn't want to admit it, I needed someone I could talk to. I needed someone I could just be with. Even just to look less lonely.

And so I let Andrew back in my life. There were a lot of things I wanted to tell him, some even came into my mind as he was standing right in front of me, but I never said any of them.

At lunch, I was ready to sit at my usual lonely spot and text with Evelyn, when I heard Josh's voice. "Charming! Come sit with us."

I hesitated for a few seconds, before I turned around and looked at him. He was sitting at a round table with Andrew, Matt, and Killian. Amber wasn't there, she was sitting with other girls at another table.

I sat between Andrew and Josh and, let me just tell you, it was cringe worthy. I didn't know what I could possibly talk about with them. I couldn't text with Evelyn because it'd be rude. And I couldn't stop thinking about all the things they made me go through. All of them.

But, somehow, they were all really casual and they talked loud about sports and laughed, looked at me while smiling and I just smiled back, and, suddenly, I was a part of the gang.

It took me a while, but after a few days I started talking too. Since I didn't know the first thing about sports, I just agreed by ironically saying "oh yeah, yeah, I definitely hope this season is the one," and by inventing ridiculous names of non-existing players, which apparently made them laugh their asses off.