Long-Distance Calls

39

Dear Future,

The days of April of 2012 were all the same story. Waking up frustrated because I wanted to sleep more. Going to school and taking notes on the way teachers spoke and moved so I could do their impressions. Laughing and talking loud with the gang. Going back home and calling Evelyn. Working out while catching up on TV series. Crying myself to sleep with sad music playing in my headphones.

There were, of course, little bumps on the road. Like the many times I had fights with Evelyn, and I would text her in bed but she wouldn't respond, and so I would cry myself to sleep without music.

– I'm really sorry, okay? I shouldn't have shouted at you like that. Please, forgive me.

That's what I texted her the day after we had that fight.

– see the thing is i really bought into that whole idea that u r different from all the others. so please don't turn me down.

And this was her reply. Unedited. As much as it pains me.

– That I can tell you. I am different from all the others.

– so what i tried to tell you yesterday is, why do you have 2 hang out with them? if u r not like them, and u don't like them. i mean, wouldn't you prefer to be alone instead of hanging out with them?

– Honestly... I don't know. I'm not a huge fan of hanging out with them, but then again, I hate being alone.

– but u r not alone, u have me

– Yeah, but you're 404 miles away.

– but u know that some day we'll meet and we'll hang out every day, and make everyone jealous and live happily ever after.

– I do know that. So does that mean that you forgive me?

– i do.

– I love you, Avsama, I really, really do.

– u know i love u more, avsam

– Is it just me, or every time we fight, I feel closer than ever to you when we make up?

– it's not just you. it's true. i love you more and more by the second.

– If only you could be right here, laying on this bed with me right now...

– what would u do?

– I'd make love to you.

As soon as I hit send to that text, my hand started to sweat and shake, and my heart started beating irregularly. Is that too much? I worried. Is it too soon to say something like that? Is that even the right way to say it? Should I have said something like "I'd bang you uh uh"? Oh, God, now she's gonna think I'm not different at all and I only think about sex and nothing else. What was I thinking when I hit SEND?

– oh my god avsam :$$$$$$$

And, just like that, all my worries disappeared. My heart slowed down. My hands stopped shaking. And a new found confidence built up inside me.

– I could really use having you around these days. I'm usually feeling down, you know.

– ohh stop whining. i gotta go now. talk to u later.