Long-Distance Calls

34

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"What kiss?" I asked after staying silent for what felt like a day.

"Peter, please, don't play dumb," she said, not a hint of her quirkiness in her voice. She was so serious, it was scary. My real name coming out of her mouth gave me the same exact anxious feeling my mom would give me when I did something bad as a kid.

Usually my mom would just call me 'Pete', but I knew that when she'd call me by my full name, shit was about to get serious. The same went for Evelyn. We'd always just call ourselves 'Avsam' or 'babe', 'love', 'honey', and things like that. So every time the name 'Peter' came out of her mouth, I knew she'd be mad.

I mumbled something, but nothing concrete came out of my squeaky voice.

"Here, the conversation," she said, and the sound of an incoming message echoed around the awkward silence.

[03/01/2012 4:48 PM] Amber Kafka: Hahaha, yeah you're right! Must be difficult.

[03/01/2012 4:48 PM] Evelyn Tiger: honestly i cant wait to kiss him :$

[03/01/2012 4:49 PM] Amber Kafka: Well, not to oversell him or anything, but he's a great kisser ;)

In that moment, I honestly couldn't think of anything to say. I was caught off guard, didn't know if I was feeling betrayed or simply scared. I seriously thought this would never happen.

"Okay-- um-- listen-- I-- um..." I tried to get my thoughts together in my head. It was a mess, my head. Worse than ever. And I felt like my chest was about to corrode inside. I could feel the anxiety as a concrete life form, eating me up inside. Like a toxic gas, slowly taking over my lungs. I could even see my heart beating irregularly through my t-shirt, and I could feel its struggle to beat through the dark spirit of anxiety surrounding it.

I was ashamed of catching a thought on top of my head, among the negative ones, that told me I was cool because Amber said I was a great kisser.

The lonely life of the insecure and unloved can make one sound inappropriate at times.

Thankfully, I didn't share that thought out loud. Instead, I managed to put together something reasonable. "I'm sorry. Terribly sorry. But you have to understand, that kiss meant nothing to me, really, I didn't even--" she cut me off.

"Spare me the dumb excuses, Peter," again she sentenced my name, colder than winter's mornings, "here's the rest of the conversation."

She hit some keys a little too hard, and I almost jumped at every click.

[03/01/2012 4:57 PM] Evelyn Tiger: he's a great kisser

[03/01/2012 4:58 PM] Amber Kafka: Yeah! Definitely! And... if I have to be honest... he's well-endowed too.

[03/01/2012 5:00 PM] Evelyn Tiger: and how woyld tou know that