There's only one of you

6

«Up until know I've sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness.» The Only Exception. Paramore.

I never realized what a beautiful sound laughter was, until he laughed. And I felt scared.

I never noticed how soft his skin was until I caressed his cheek. And I felt terrified.

I had no idea. I never saw it coming.

"Yuzu-kun nii, g-ganbarou"

He barely talked with anyone. But he talked with me. He smiled when I felt like telling one of my terrible jokes. He was so cute.

And he wished me luck.

No one ever bothered anymore. I was Yuzuru Hanyu. The Champion. The OLYMPIC champion. Why would I know about nervousness and all that? Why would I need 'luck'? Why would I want someone to cheer me up and tell me 'you can do it'?

I won one title and suddenly I had no right to doubt myself, no right to cry, no right to lose, no right to feel insecure. No right to be myself.

I was broken once. And they didn't care. I was sad, but I learned to use this mask. I learned not to care. I learned to be fine on my own. Alone in a hotel room with my own thoughts and white, plain walls. Safe inside my walls, so, on the ice, I was able to give the world what they wanted: the perfect Yuzuru.

And then, one day, it hit me.

"I'm not sure, though. Was it to the left...? Or..."

One time, we got lost. Literally. And that day he hugged me so tight I was actually glad we didn't know which way to go.

I loved him.

"He's a Senior now."

One day, I realized I was competing against him. And I didn't like it. I loved competing, I admit I'm just a hot-blooded athlete and I have no mercy: I'll crush everyone by a 100 points difference if I can.

But to see his name in the list of the skaters in my category, to know he was chasing the same gold I wanted for myself. It crushed something inside me.

"He wants to be able to challenge you, so you need to go out there and be that one thing he chases, that goal to keep him motivated. And if he earns that gold, you both will be satisfied. Him, because he reached his goal. And you, because you didn't make it easy for him." Javier told me when he basically forced me to tell him the reason why I wasn't landing my quads during practice.

I jumped and jumped. I ran and ran. I wanted to be the one he chased. I wanted to motivate him.

I wanted him. 

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A/N: Thanks for reading. <3

-H.